The Logic Of Insanity
Welcome to your new life as a raving lunatic. Though people have made countless efforts to stop you from getting here, all your paranoia and avoiding medication has finally paid off! Now as this is your first day, you may now realize some odd and exciting new things, which are suddenly now very clear to you. You become aware that the governments of the world are in a joint plot to take over the solar system though Canada. All the innocent people are, of course naive to it, but you know the real story and it is therefore your duty to protect the people of the world though they may never know of your bravery.
The first step is to forget your old life and assume a new identity. Your current home is crawling with spies. It's so obvioius now. The woman (who's most likely a man), keeps calling you "Honey" (probably some type of subliminal message), and keeps trying to give you pills. Those little midgets running around the house calling you "daddy", and most of all there's that "Mother" woman (most definately a man), who is obviously the ringleader of the whole operation. All of them are henchmen to the plans of the evil governments. It's now safe to assume that your clothes have most assuredly been bugged. For this there is only one thing to do. You strip down naked and say quite loudly into your necktie "Everything is just fine", You then move slowly away from your clothes towards the wall.
Suddenly your "wife" comes into the room followed closely by your "kids". You can tell they suspect something.
"Is everything alright honey?" She says looking at you strangely. She knows something is up. The only thing to do now is to stall until you can come up with an escape plan.
Everything is just fine darling", you loudly announce, " I am just going out to get some milk." That should work just nicely.
"Uhmmmmmmmmmmm..................All right dear, but shouldn't put some clothes on first?" Oh crap!! The cat's out of the bag now! With a tremendous leap you roll to the door and throw it open. You dash out of the house feeling the prying eyes of the government spies watching you. You run faster than you've ever run before. After about a half mile you run into an alley. Hopefully you've lost them. Realizing your nudity will probably draw attention to yourself, you jump into a nearby dumpster to look for a disguise. You rummage through the garbage. Aha! A black garbage bag. Perfect! You slip it on, making your own arm and leg holes. A perfect fit! You also find a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket, which you can use for a hat. You casually walk out into the street and blend into the crowd. The street shall be your new home, for it is most likely that the spies will be searching for you in hiding rather than in broad daylight, it's just common sense. So therefore the most sensible thing to do is make yourself obvious.
As you walk down the street contemplating the day in your new attire you abruptly feel you feet jerk under you, and you fall to the ground. You look back where you tripped to see a moldy potato on the ground with a large root growing out ot it like an arm.You pick it up and look at it closely. You're about to throw it into the street, when all of a sudden on of your unique revelations hits you. This potato has directly changed your fate. If it had not been there, you probably would have kept walking forever and never noticed it. This strange looking hunk of fungus eaten filth has taken direct control of your destiny. So within the way of the universe as you now see it, this potato is your god. You quickly pick yourself up coddling the potato softly, for it is perhaps the only one in the world now you can really trust.