Seven Deadly Holidays

We already have Pride day (not a sinful thing by any means).

Why not add Lust day, Sloth day, Envy day, Gluttony day, Anger day, and Greed day? By providing a one-day license to indulge freely in these sinful things, it might reduce their appeal for the rest of the year! What would they entail?

1. Lust day:
   You'll excuse me if I don't leave the house for this one. I can imagine some stranger humping my leg, wishing me a happy Lust day. Okay, maybe this one wasn't such a good idea.
   Possible parallel: Valentine's day

2. Sloth day:
   We will make a law declaring that no one can get out of bed! Government employees will have to bring everyone breakfast in bed and we will play video games all day.
   Possible parallel: Labour day
3. Envy day:
   I envision repeated vocalization of themes such as, "She just thinks she's perfect because she doesn't have any fat on her ass!". The key is to revel in your status as the underdog.
   Possible parallel: Watching the Ms. America pageant.
4. Gluttony day:
   This is a good one. All you can eat, everywhere! Everyone must eat until they puke! That is the rule! It'll be just like ancient Rome.
   Possible parallel: Thanksgiving
5. Anger day:
   I imagine this one being a popular workplace holiday. Everyone will be expected to be angry, all day. You just won't have to hide it now.
   Possible parallel: Independence day or working ANY retail or food service job.
6. Greed day:
   This must involve fights over material items, attempts to seduce other people's spouses, and stealing the last chocolate.
   Possible parallel: Christmas, Steal Something day (parody of Buy Nothing Day)

Do you have any suggestions? Think I'm a shameless heathen? Write to me!

© 1997 cosmobimbo@hotmail.com

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