Mr. Adaquete has the ops. Moneyshot provides some relief out of the pen.
Actual events Stuff Opinions Phobia Person LyricThing to do Quote
Better late than never, said the obstetrician.
Issue 68
Sept 26th/00
Actual events challenge - one of these happened to Moneyshot, the other to Mr. Adaquete. Try to guess which, and send an e-mail The first person to get it right wins a supposedly fabulous surprise of some sort. Chris, you can't enter...
One time last year, we were playing football at Huskies Stadium. Before the game started I was hopping up and down, you know getting limber and all, and I landed on my toe, hyperextending my, uh shin muscle. I fell down. And I limped around. And everyone laughed at me, *sniff* and it hurt and the cheerleaders wouldn’t give me any head. It was traumatic..
I'm a terrible cook. I bought this frozen lasagna - it was one of those individual servings - and I nuke it for a few minutes, and it doesn't look right. So I figure out that I forgot to open the lid, so I try to do that and end up tearing the box almost in half. Then I nuke it a bit longer, and some of the noodles are WAY overcooked and the other ones look like limp... er, noodles. And there's nothing I can do, so I just eat this horrible concoction and add more inches to my beer gut.
Ever noticed that some people make the same dumb mistake, over and over? It's like they almost enjoy making that mistake. That's odd, in an understandable sort of way.
Moneyshot joins the new UJ staff. I’m vicariously living out my childhood fantasies through other people. If that dosen’t work, I’ll beat someone’s Dad to death.
Opinions:As editor-in-chief of the new UJ, I don't think I should ever have to give up top billing. I mean, I run the show, right? Sure, Moneyshot helps us reel in the big target market of jaded twenty-something overweight light transit fanatics, but hey, freedom of the press is limited to those that own one. So it'll always be "Mr. Adaquete and Moneyshot", not the other way around.
What's the deal with wanking? There's a subtle sexism going on here... when a girl gets herself off, it's seen as erotic, kinky, cool and empowering. When a guy does it, it's just sad, pathetic, dirty. Doesn't seem fair to me. I mean, not that I partake, of course. As I've said before, I treat my sexual urges like any other feelings I have - I violently repress them.
Menophobia- Fear of menstruation.
I did not just write that. It didn't happen.
V.C. Keating. Vincent would be in line for a person of the week slot for his fearless leadership of the Personality Cult alone, but these are special circumstances. Chuck is on his way soon to Chicago, for a life of American greenbacks and actuarial debauchery. He's already been contacted by the DNC, which, contrary to popular belief in these parts, does NOT stand for the "DeWolfe National Council".
I can't see the point in another day/When nobody listens to a word I say/You can call it lack of confidence/But to carry on living doesn't make much sense - The Police
Hide in a dark cave and guard your Precious.
"I'll write you as soon as something worth telling you about happens in my life." - Mr. Adaquete
"Hell, I'll be back in December, I can just see you then." - Steve Carmichael
"I'm going to penetrate you now." - Moneyshot
"It's delicious torture!" - Nic goes Crazy
"That's the cutest defecating dog ever." - Jacquelyn Walters
"I hate that John DeWolfe kid." - God
"You're no prize yourself, big guy." - Mr. Adaquete
E-mail goes here. It sure does... Back to the Main Page Everything above was written by Mr. Adaquete (John DeWolfe) and Moneyshot (Chris Windeyer). The format and concept is all stolen from Thursday (Doug Choo). Enjoy. © 2000 DeWolfe Entertainment Limited, a division of the Useless Jargon Corp. Thanks to geocities Thanks for nothing, that is...