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I thought that I would start the New Year with a little bit of levity. Going to the doctor makes a lot of people nervous, and I don't blame them, but sometimes it results in the best medicine called laughter. A lot of amusing anecdotes are overheard in our offices, and here is a sampler of real-life quips to start your year off.
Why do my husband's ears turn red every time I talk to him?
Patient: Every time you repeat those mean and nasty words to me, it makes my pain seem worse.
Doctor: Are you referring to that dirty "return to work" phrase?
Your budgie is not a patient here, and will not be receiving a flu shot from me anytime soon. I don't do cats, birds, dogs or goats.
I need to reschedule my Doctor's appointment because I am not feeling well today.
I can check his hearing, but I can't fix his listening.
Doctor: And what are you doing for the holidays?
Patient: I am taking my wife somewhere that she has never been before - the kitchen.
Your prostate exam is not exactly the highlight of my day either.
No life boats and no latrines built out of 40 year old wood. Doc, I must tell you that just thinking about how unsafe Noah's Ark was keeps me awake at night!
Doctor: You look very cheerful today, Mrs. J. I particularly like that unique Christmas ornament that you are wearing.
Patient: Thank you, Doctor. Would you like to ring my bells?
Listen Doc, there is nothing wrong with my girl friend that a good strong credit card and an unlimited line of credit could not fix.
Patient: I need something to help me sleep.
Doctor: Have you tried watching the federal election coverage?
You are the most wonderful person I ever met! I realize that it is the eve of the Holidays, but I urgently need to see all my specialists, have MRI's, mole removals, colonoscopy, bunion surgery, oh, and I finally decided to take your advice on that psychotherapy suggestion since my uncle is arriving on a mercy flight tomorrow, and did I tell you that I need a hospital bed for him? And I almost forgot, here is a stack of forms that "they" said you would know what to do with while you make all those arrangements. Hope you don't mind. I won a trip and leave next week. By the way, you work too hard and should take it easy.
Sorry, I didn't mean to talk while you were listening!
Amusing, I hope, and it does help ease the stress at times. Remember that New Year's resolutions are like the game of hockey, it takes some hard back-checking to get the job done, but there is no satisfaction as sweet as that felt after one achieves a seemingly elusive goal. So, as you undergo the rebirth of your wishes and expectations, I bid you a Happy New Year!
