I have done these things, and I have a lot more to do.  Why I've done them is anyone's guess.

So who-- or what-- am I? 
May30/01-- Well, I am a Taurus (the stars I was born under) and I think part Gemini (the ones I was expected to be born under).  Taureans are typically passionate, loving (influence of Venus, the goddess of love), practical, seeking a life of creature comforts-- a nice home full of old, beautiful things and good food-- and stability, which we like to be the one providing.  The obsession with creating stability and security comes from Taurus being an earth-sign, and also makes Taureans infamously stubborn.  It's not because we like to be "difficult," it's because we're set in our ways, we lock into whatever pattern we find most secure and efficient.  The way to a Taurean's heart really is through their stomach, through accepting their routines, and by being affectionate.  And a little hint {wink wink}, Taureans got good heads on their shoulders... go for the neck it's sitting on.  Next hardest physical contact for me to resist after a slap on the butt or a scalp-scratch is a neck-rub of a good nuzzle.  {grin}
Taurean negatives-- we're sometime naive in judging people, we're hit hard when we're wrong about them, and we do NOT take betrayal well.
I am six foot, usually in the neighbourhood of one hundred and sixty-five pounds, with dark brown eyes, glasses, dark brown hair with blond highlites (as of Jun 2001), usually sporting some facial hair, and some very kind people might even say handsome.
I am self-conscious and I am shameless.
I am prone to getting crushes. 
Jun16/01-- I come from a dysfunctional family.  That's just my opinion, maybe dysfunction's so common these days it's routine, but my father is an angry man who looks for reasons to be mad at the people he considers too dependant to stand up for themselves.  Example: one night I slept 14 hrs on the basement couch.  I had just worked two nights in a row with no sleep in between and it was too hot to sleep upstairs.  The next morning when my mom told him I was up at 8:30 and had made the tea, rather than thank me, I heard him saying to her in his typical annoyed tone-- "What, was he UP all night???  (mom says no)  He was ASLEEP all that time???  Tell him to go make his bed, other people might want to watch TV downstairs!"  He's been told what to do his whole life-- by his father, then the military, and now he wants subordinates, not a family.  And he intimidates everyone into taking his bullying, either with a raised voice, or coersion (threatening no use of the car for my sister, for instance), or a couple of times in my case hinting at physical force or, once, trying to "banish" me to the back yard, since he doesn't really have anything worth taking away from me except shelter.  My sister's going to go mad with frustration trying to be perfect so she can escape his criticism, but gets yelled at anyway when her frustration gets taken out on mom (which I'm sorry to say I am occasioanlly guilty of, too), and my mother gets torn apart in the middle trying to be peacekeeper, knowing how he is but still feeling obliged to "see his point of view."  Since he won't listen to reason, the only way I've managed to even make a statement in the last year or so has been to twice walk out of "his house" for weeks at a time, to refuse to consent by staying, and every time mom swears up and down that he was worried and wants to try and change, but ultimately nothing changes.  So I'm resolved that as soon as I have the means to walk out for good, I'm gone. 
I am a brother who braved the fires of adolescence with a little sister and emerged friends.  I have a half-brother, too.
I am an uncle and a nephew.  2 nephews and 8 first-cousins.  Expect constant updates.
I am a father waiting to happen.  Or maybe I'm a mother waiting to happen.
I am a friend.  For a long time, I didn't have many, but now that I do I don't want to blow it.  I love my friends, once or twice I've fallen in love with them, with less-than fairy tale results, but we remain friends, if not friends of an unconventional breed.  They all mean the world to me.

Oct8/01-- I am single again.  Worse, I think I'm alone.  Brian and I got along without trying.  We'd had one bad night, at about the 3 week mark when I started to panic, fearing that history would repeat itself and he was about to dump me, but we seemed to have worked it out and had told each other we wanted to stay together.  He was restoring my hopes.  And on the eve of my telling him I'd come to love him, he said he didn't think we were right for each other.  And I can't help thinking that there's a point.  I've tried, with the obvious, with the obscure, with the unlikely.  I've done my best and it still wasn't enough, and I don't want to do it anymore.  I don't want to risk or hurt any more than I already have.  I just want to stay numb.

I am a recovering romantic.  I was for a long time before I felt my beliefs about "waiting" and "relationships" had betrayed me, and then I had sort of a slut phase where I just wanted fun without commitment.  I don't regret it at all, it's how I met my first boyfriend, and I'd even say it's a healthy thing to go through at some point in your life, as long as it's safe and most important of all you're HONEST about it.

I am not a virgin.  At least not in my definition of the word.  Mom's probably shocked if she's reading this.  {laughs}  Sex the first time changes everything, just as surely as love does the first time-- requited or otherwise.  When you realize that a sigh in a dark room can say more than 30 people each trying to make their voice the dominant sound in a big discussion about nothing.  The world seems to get loudier, noisier, and yet with less to say than before, and it makes you long for more of that hot, intimate quiet, just to get away from the people who seem to be living life-- not for the living of it-- but so that they can presume to brag about all their "experience" later.  And way too many of them haven't learned anything from their experience anyway, it's doubly ironic.
I am kinky.  But unless we've been dating a while, or you've met me on IRC, or you've slapped my ass and seen that crazed, lusty look that indicates you're skirting BIG RED BUTTON territory, that's all you're gonna' hear about that.  Or you could just e-mail me and ask.
Jul13/01-- I am a chicken-slinger!  After working the renovation crew overnights at Wal-Mart for a month I sprained my ankle at gay pride out of town and needed something less strenuous during my recovery, so when KFC offered me a full-time job with better long-term prospects and only a slight cut in pay from Wal-Mart, I took it, and now I'm a customer service person and I think I like it. 
I think I'm pretty good at my job, but my long-term goal is still to graduate universty and get a career teaching high school English to open young people's minds and teach them to express what's on those minds.
I am flawed.  We all are.  But keep looking-- when you find other people who know they aren't perfect, you can learn to accept each other's shortcomings.
I am afraid.  Afraid to be hurt, afraid to go on in a world where I'm paralysed by my own fear, and afraid to kill myself.  I'm afraid of my weaknesses.
I am a dreamer and a maker; my imagination assimilates everything that I see and touch and hear and it plays with the real world constantly. 
I am a writer, I am a performer, and I am a ham.  I step, with a moment of trepidation, into the spotlight, but once there I bask in it.
I am a leader.  I speak my mind, I look after my own and when a decision is needed I can act a lot more decisive than I actually am. 
I am a follower.  I enjoy the leisure of occasionally letting someone else decide what I must do, but when they try to give me more than my fair share I revert to leader-mode.
I am a pervert; my mind takes a hundred eroticised snapshots a second.
I am inhibited.  Very few people believe me on this one, but I assure you, what comes out of my mouth isn't half as bad as what doesn't.
I am outrageous!  I like to get a reaction out of people and sometimes, if I feel daring, I'll go to lengths to get them.
I am conservative but I am liberal.  Politically, I am neither.
I am a fag.  Fag is such a rude word, but I'll call myself one before the people who would use the word with hate in their hearts can get to it.  I take it away from them. 
I am brave.  When I had someone else brave enough to walk hand-in-hand with down the homophobic streets of Fredericton, I refused to hide our relationship.  I celebrated it in spite of those who might think we were 'wrong.'  I refused to have my affections silenced by ignorance.
I am 'mostly-gay,' ergo bi.  I am attracted to, perhaps, one woman for every 6 to 8 men that I am attracted to.  But, I haven't blocked out the idea of spending my life with a woman, but she'd have to be really hot and have super powers like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I am a sinner, according to the Rev. Fred Phelps. (Who, in my opinion,  happens to be a moron.)  But I'd rather sin by loving than sin by hating.  His brand of hate-mongering rhetoric is divisive and leads to the kind of abuses against other people that he of all people should be crusading against.  No one who professes faith in a loving god should be trying to turn that god's children against each other.  It's vicious and perverse.
I am jaded.  Some days, I just think people are too stupid for me to bother caring about them.
I am compassionate.  One of the best feelings I've ever had came from buying supper for a woman who might have gone hungry otherwise.  I don't know if they'd have even let her in the place if I hadn't brought her in.  Try it sometime, it'll feel 'right.'
I am a second-hand smoker.  It's a filthy habit, I know, but my parents won't let me quit.
I am a nail-biter.  Actually it's but one of many forms of habitual self-neglect/abuse.
I am absurd.  Ask me about Fundamental Irony sometime, it'll change your whole outlook on life! {grin}
I suffer mild insomnia, seasonal and 'substance' allergies (nickle, penecillen, bee stings).
I am full of vice and virtue.
I am understanding.  Though not always forgiving.
I am a social drinker.  As of January, 2000, thanks to a cute boy, I no longer believe that drinking is a terrible thing.  If I did, I would be a terrible person.  I am not a heavy drinker.  I am not an alcoholic.  I am a fan of Strawberry Daqueris, Singapore Slings, Purple Hazes.  I tried a White Russian at a cast party.  I didn't like it.  And I like Blowjob shooters very much.  10 of them WILL get me drunk, and ordering them by name is fun.
I WAS a tequila slut.  6 shots made me BAD, 11 shots made me sick.  Tequila and I took some time apart after that, and the reunion was the last nail in the coffin.  Tequila and I are divorced-- never EVER again.
I am laughing.  Because it's good for me, it's contagious, and because it feels wonderful.  Or maybe because it's the only defense I can conceive against all the pain and terror.
I am musical.  Musically oriented, just not musically talented.  I can't play an instrument, except for (debatably) my voice.  I wish I could play the piano.
I am a dancer!  Again, thanks to the cute boy who got me drinking.  I love to dance, it makes me feel alive.  Until I get cramps.  Then it makes me feel like the walking dead.
I am superstitious.  Though, not really.  I actually find superstitious people funny.
I am witty.
I am a contemporary agnostic.  At least that's what I'm calling it today.  I don't believe any one person or church knows the whole truth, so I don't subscribe to any one person or church.  I think they're all interesting, but none of them is mine.
I am spiritual.  I believe that divinity, whatever its origin, is of infinite dimensions, and so it is inside each of us.  I believe everyone's innate divinity, ubiquitous as it may be, is a deeply personal thing, to be pursued first within, then without.
I am a revisionist.  I believe that people don't think enough-- myself included.  They don't challenge their own beliefs often enough to sift through all the shit and find the kernel of truth at the core.  So they can't defend their beliefs with much conviction because they haven't considered their own values closely enough.
I am not a Christian-basher.  I just like to challenge them.
I am a pantheist.  Though I'm not sure I'm a theist at all.  Not as such.
I am a truth seeker.  But some days, when I'm feeling relativist and don't believe there is such a thing as "truth," I get very, very confused.  The rest of the time I believe very much in the existence of "truth."  I think that relativists are dangerous because they can use "it's all relative" to justify any horror.  They say there's no such thing as truth because they're afraid of the hard work it takes to find truth, or they're afraid of what it will be, because maybe it'll mean they've had it wrong all along and it's easier to go on being wrong and saying "it's all relative" than it is to have to change.  "Open mindedness" CAN just be an excuse for moral laziness.  Sometimes you have to discriminate between right and wrong.
I am a people-person.  Sometimes I piss people off because I have some convictions that clash with theirs, but I still love to deal with people.  I'd rather work minimum wage in retail than in IT, because working in front of a computer all day, cut off from people, is Hell to me.
I am a listener, a healer, a martyr.  Thankfully, I have yet to be called on to make even one percent of the sacrifices I am willing to make for the people I care about.  But I know that I would make them, because I want the people I care about to be well.  I want to be there for them when they need me and I want them to know that I'm sorry when I can't help them, but that I'll try to find someone who can. 
I am a bloodthirsty, psychotic killer.  I kill several people every day in my imagination.  But better that I should kill them there than kill them in the real world. 
I am not aggressive.  I'm occasially assertive, sometimes a bit rough, and I enjoy play-fighting and wrestling, but I don't want to see anyone get hurt.
I am a military brat.  So I'm fascinated with the military.
I am undisciplined.  So spank me.  Or try.  I dare you.  But be warned, I just might like it.  Do you really know for sure?  Ya wanna' try me?  {grin} 
I am a believer in corporeal punishment.  Spanking your kids for misbehaviour is NOT child abuse.  Unless it's whipping to bloodshed or it's gratuitous.  But lack of discipline is a huge part of why society is so fucked up, sometimes it seems irredeemably so.
I am a nut, a goof, a clown, a screwball, a weirdo, an eccentric.  Acting crazy is the only thing that keeps me sane. 
I am a drifter-- I come from a military family, we have been posted 3 times.  It's gotten harder each time to leave my home.  Now I live just outside of Fredericton, New Brunswick.  My parents are retired, there will be no more postings.  This has become my home . . .  I want to move. 
I am a homebody, who's comfortable with familiar settings and a little afraid to go to new places alone because I might get lost, or shot, or harrassed, or ignored. 
I am an academic.  Or at least I manage to convince the registrar that I am, I haven't been kicked out of university yet. 
I am a bullshitter.  (see above)
I am a masochist, it's the only explanation for some of the crap I put myself through.
I am not a REAL masochist-- pain, like cutting my finger, isn't a turn on.  Physical and emotional intensity, however, is.
I am articulate-- I love to talk and I love the power and feel of words.  Even more, I love the feeling I get when I'm explaining them to someone who doesn't understand them.
I am a flirt and a tease, because it's all the affection with only half the calories. 
I am affectionte.  I hug people, I crave physical contact, I love to be touched kindly by people who like me, because I'm starved for all of the preceeding.
I am a comedian-- what I can't laugh at scares me.  So does a lot of what I can laugh at, but if I laugh enough it might think I'm not afraid and back down.  I laugh at myself.  I lead a funny little life.  Think about it-- so do you. 
I am pragmatic, or prudent-- I like to hope for the best, but the back of my brain is always working on worst-case scenarios and contingency plans.
I am an idealist.  I think the world would be so much better if we'd all stop trying to impress someone or be what other people tell us we are.
I am a spy.  I notice details, I remember things, I can find people, I keep tabs, I learn things, I snoop.  I like to be informed because ignorant people aren't very useful.
I am undermotivated.  Which is a fancy way of saying I can be a lazy fuck.
I am a philosopher, just not so revolutionary that I'm noteworthy.
I am a scientist.
I am a sci-fi junkie.  Beam me up, Scotty.  Resistance is futile.
I am a loner.  Or at least I remember how I used to be one.
I am a knight, left behind, stubbornly denying that Camelot is gone.  If it ever existed at all.
I am a loudmouth.  Sometimes it's the only way to be heard.
I am quiet.  Sometimes it's the only way to be heard.
I am a mover and a shaker . . . literally.  Bad nerves or too much energy, or something, I often have difficulty just sitting down and staying still.
I am bored.  All the time.  Every second of every day.  It's because I have too much energy, too little attention span, and I've become kind of used to life's quirks, maybe it's desensitization but I'm always looking for an experience so intense as to hold 100% of my attention, undivided, in a moment, that isn't too intimidating for me to try.
I am excitable, and nervous and suspicious and high-strung.  Yet lucid.
I am rude.  fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I am polite.  (sorry)
I am indecisive . . . maybe.
I am angry.  Who wouldn't be?
I am horny.  Who isn't?  I don't lack your hormones, more likely you lack my control over them, though since I started having sex, I admit, indulgence is tempting.
I am crying . . . but maybe it's from laughing.
I am a hero, to somebody.  I mean, I have so many of them, I must be one to somebody.
I am a humanitarian; if I don't care, who will?
I am an artist.  I know, because I see beauty where other people don't, and that's art.
I am a slave.  My chains are as invisible as yours.
I am a rebel.  With a few causes.
I am very happy.  Most of the time.  When I'm not thinking about suicide. 
I am erratic, yet perfectly centered and stable. 
I am a rock.  To too many people.
I am disorganized and forgetful.  I'm sorry, but I am.  I desperately need a 'system' to keep myself organized.
I am a planner.
I am ironic.  But I am fitting.
I am scared.  Aren't you?  You should be!  It's a big, insane, scary world. 
I am fashionable.  At least I like to think so.  Moreso since I 'came out.'
I am SO 'out.'  I'm 'out' to my family, to all of my friends, to my classes, to casual acquaintances, to the local media, to you.  I believe that being 'out' is a good thing.  I'm proud to be 'out.'
I am an advocate of letting people not be 'out' until they're ready to come out of the closet.  It can be hard, wanting to be 'out' and challenge the heterosexist standard but not having a lot of people around who are as comfortable with people knowing.  But it's everyone's choice and, while you can try to encourage,  you have to respect it.
I am a heterophobe.  I admit it, some days, the thought that 9 in 10 people (if not more) are heterosexual, it scares the crap out of me.  They're everywhere!!  They cound be my neighbours, my doctor, my banker-- and I'm supposed to trust them with my health, or my money?  And worse yet, sometimes they really do flaunt it, like it makes them special or as if everyone needs to know about it.  And see how silly some of that heterosexist crap sounds?  It's stupid to denegrate a group of people for something they never chose.
I am a homophobe.  Or, at least, I'm phobic of the people who totally give up on the life they've led and become pure, embodied stereotypes as soon as they come out of the closet.  I think they're doing their life a disservice, not giving enough credit to who they've been up to that point.  And drag queens-- drag queens scare me a little.  Especially the really tall ones.  BUT, Sniper-Tim, beating up drag queens because you were too fucking drunk to tell she was a he before you left the bar with him is NOT funny-- it's stupid and I resent your laughing while telling that story.  And I don't care if it was your brother who did it.
I am honest.  I rarely go to the trouble of really lying.  Partly because I'm so forgetful that I'm not a very good liar.  I do, however, embellish, and I can be secretive, but I'm honest about it.
I am a liar.  Oh my gods am I a liar.  I lie every day.  I have the whole world duped into thinking that I care less than I do.  God help me the day they find out the truth, because they'll walk all over me.
I am afraid of being taken for granted.  Afraid to feel unappreciated or unwanted.  Actually, terrified is more like it.  So maybe it means that I'm insecure, but every day I wrestle with the fear, irrational or otherwise, that no one cares about me, that the only person I can count on is me, and maybe my parents.  Just the thought that I might be going through live unloved is almost enough to make me cry.  If I am then what's any of it worth?  So it's crucial to me that I show love when I can... maybe it'll make other people want to do the same.
I am relentless.  Until I get bored.  Then I'm pure relent.
I am thirsty for attention.  Thirsty like a man stranded in the desert.
I am insatiable.
I am easy amused.
I am CANADIAN!  And proud of it, eh!?
I am silly.  Tony seems to think so, anyway.
I am bright.  IQ tests have scored me from 114 to 142.
I am computer literate, but not the expert that some people take me for.
I am more wise than I am intelligent.
I am emotional.  I'm sensible and reasonable, but also very, very emotional.
I am vengeful and vindictive.  I've held grudges for years.  And they always started it.
I am not easy to provoke.  Unless you hit a nerve, in which case I am volatile.  Nitroglycerine-volatile. My verbal lashings are legendary.
I am belittled.  Constantly.  That's what I tell myself so that I'll appreciate compliments when I receive them.  Otherwise I might start to expect them and then I'd be dissappointed a lot of the time.
I am not so humble as I appear.  But I deflect compliments all the time so that I won't get too full of myself.  Before I can really believe good stuff about myself enough to say it myself, I have to believe that other people are saying it, or at least thinking it.
I am coy.  Or so I'm told.
I am rhetorical.  Gods forbid you should ever get a straight answer out of me the first time you ask a question.
I am alive.  'Live' spelled backwards is 'evil.'  Concidence?
I am a matchmaker.  I try to hook up the straight friends that I flirt with the most and then I joke about threesomes.  I just want to see them happy, even if it means I can't have as much fun with them.
I am jealous.  And so are you.  Admit it, you'll feel a lot better.
I am a screaming queen.  But only when I want to play it up for fun.  I only flame when doused with kerosene.
I am masculine.  I am feminine.  I am neither.  What are they, anyway?
I am irrepressible.  I'm too much fun to be stopped.
I am a terrorist.  Or at least I would be, if I thought I could blow up shit that pisses me off and get away with it.
I am law-abiding.  I obey all the laws that I know about.  Except sometimes when I jay-walk.
I am pretty... aren't I?  People have said so, but they may have just been really lonely or desperate and trying to get in my pants.
I am hopeful.
I am old-fashioned and I am leading-edge.  And I am stuck somewhere in-between.
I am proud.  I'm not 100% sure of what, but I'm told I should be, so I am.
I am easily confused, easily startled, easily misled.  So challenge yourself.  Be straightforward with me.
I am trusting.  Or maybe it's naivite, because sometimes I don't trust anybody.
I am an exhibitionist.  Very open about myself-- I put my life on display.  Look at me!!!
I am a family man.  I just have an unconventionally broad definition of family.
I am selfish.  Everyone is, it's just unfashionable to admit it.  But evolution is based on selfishness, it's nature, it's not bad, and it doesn't preclude trying to be altruistic.  I'm altruistic, too, and it can be a kind of selfishness, really.  It just feels less exploitative, but it can be self-serving.  Doesn't devalue the act, though.
I am contradictory.
I am difficult.
I am easy to get along with or I am impossible to get along with.  Depends on you, I suppose.
I am sensual.  I am obscenely tactile (touch-stimulated).
I am utterly predictable.  I swear.  Once you understand me.
I am a moralist-- I blame the decline of society on people not taking moral responsibility for their actions or inactions.  This is my #1 grievance with humanity.  I wish people would stop more often to ask "is this right?"  Unfortunately we live in a world where hedonism is becoming the morality of the masses.  Where what "I WANT" is often mistaken with "I NEED," too easily taken from someone else, and considered long before "I DESERVE."  People grow more selfish, and less interested in rules or consequences or considering how their decisions will effect others.
I resist!  I want to see a moral rennaissance-- for people to start to believe in larger ideals like "all for one and one for all."  I want people to respect and care about each other and question their own motives.  I want people to stop walking all over each other.  I want people to make moral decisions instead of let greed or hedonism make those decisions for them.
I am frequently dissappointed by people not living up to my idealized visions of them as virtuous.
I am unique and irreplaceable.
I am complex.  I mean for fuck's sake, look up.
I am simple.
I  just  am.

I'm Ken.  Deal with it.