| Brian | Total points: 1 |
| 1: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 88 |
| 2: | Ernest Borgnine | 88 |
| 3: | Red Buttons [Aaron Chwatt] | 86 |
| 4: | Louis Jourdan | 85 |
| 5: | Ray Bradbury | 84 |
| 6: | Jim McKay | 83 |
| 7: | Pierre Cardin | 82 |
| 8: | Jack Klugman | 82 |
| 9: | Ed McMahon | 82 |
| 10: | Christopher Lee | 82 |
| 11: | Charles Durning | 82 |
| 12: | Blake Edwards [McEdwards] | 82 |
| 13: | Barbara Billingsley | 82 |
| 14: | Jack Whitaker | 80 |
| 15: | Don Knotts | 80 |
| 16: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 80 |
| 17: | Tony Curtis [Bernard Schwartz] | 79 |
| 18: | Mel Brooks [Kaminsky] | 78 |
| 19: | Neil Simon | 77 |
| 20: | Shirley Temple | 76 |
| 21: | Robert Wagner | 75 |
| 22: | Robert Loggia | 75 |
| 23: | Dick Button | 75 |
| 24: | James Earl Jones | 74 |
| 25: | Paris Hilton | 24 |
 | Max Schmeling | 99 |
|
| Chasmo | Total points: 16 |
| 1: | VACANT | |
| 2: | Lou Jacobi | 91 |
| 3: | Ernest Borgnine | 88 |
| 4: | Arnold "Red" Auerbach | 87 |
| 5: | Mike [Myron] Wallace | 86 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 86 |
| 7: | Andy Rooney | 86 |
| 8: | James Doohan | 85 |
| 9: | Al Molinaro | 85 |
| 10: | Steve Van Buren | 84 |
| 11: | Kurt Vonnegut Jr. | 82 |
| 12: | Hank Stram | 82 |
| 13: | Charles Durning | 82 |
| 14: | Pete Pihos | 81 |
| 15: | Bob Barker | 81 |
| 16: | William Hubbs Rehnquist | 80 |
| 17: | Monty Hall | 79 |
| 18: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 79 |
| 19: | B.B. King | 79 |
| 20: | Pat Summerall | 74 |
| 21: | Earl Weaver | 74 |
| 22: | Tammy Faye Bakker Messner | 63 |
| 23: | Charlie Watts | 63 |
| 24: | Aretha Franklin | 63 |
| 25: | Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn | 60 |
| John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 84 |
|
| Jack | Total points: 19 |
| 1: | Mitch Miller | 93 |
| 2: | Byron Nelson | 93 |
| 3: | Richard Widmark | 90 |
| 4: | Harry Morgan [Bratsburg] | 89 |
| 5: | Kirk Douglas [Issur Danielovitch] | 88 |
| 6: | Billy Graham | 86 |
| 7: | James Doohan | 85 |
| 8: | Shelley Winters [Schrift] | 82 |
| 9: | Estelle Getty [Estella Scher] | 80 |
| 10: | Dick Clark | 75 |
| 11: | Pat Summerall | 74 |
| 12: | Mary Travers | 68 |
| 13: | Freddy Fender [Baldemar Huerta] | 67 |
| 14: | Paul Sorvino | 65 |
| 15: | Richard B. Cheney | 64 |
| 16: | Ryan O'Neal | 63 |
| 17: | Annette Funicello | 62 |
| 18: | Gary Busey | 60 |
| 19: | Dave Davies | 58 |
| 20: | Billy Preston | 58 |
| 21: | Ozzy Osbourne | 56 |
| 22: | Luther Vandross | 53 |
| 23: | Michael Moore | 50 |
| 24: | Eddie Van Halen | 50 |
| 25: | Nicole Kidman | 37 |
| Rainier III [Rainier Grimaldi] | 81 |
| Drop: | Ralph Nader | 71 |
|
| Roy | Total points: 16 |
| 1: | Al Lewis [Albert Meister] | 94 |
| 2: | "Professor" Irwin Corey | 93 |
| 3: | Rosa Parks | 92 |
| 4: | Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson | 92 |
| 5: | Ralph Edwards | 91 |
| 6: | Gerald Rudolph Ford | 91 |
| 7: | Zsa Zsa [Sari] Gabor | 89 |
| 8: | Ernest Borgnine | 88 |
| 9: | Joey Bishop [Gottlieb] | 87 |
| 10: | James Doohan | 85 |
| 11: | Hank Stram | 82 |
| 12: | Charles Durning | 82 |
| 13: | William Hubbs Rehnquist | 80 |
| 14: | Charlton Heston [Charles Carter] | 80 |
| 15: | Jerry Lewis [Joseph Levitch] | 79 |
| 16: | B.B. King | 79 |
| 17: | Art Donovan | 79 |
| 18: | Fidel Castro Ruz | 78 |
| 19: | Dick Clark | 75 |
| 20: | Pat Summerall | 74 |
| 21: | Larry Hagman [Hageman] | 73 |
| 22: | Peter Jennings | 66 |
| 23: | Stephen Hawking | 63 |
| 24: | Joe Eszterhas | 60 |
| 25: | Tommy Ramone [Erdelyi] | 56 |
| John Paul II [Karol Joseph Wojtyla] | 84 |
|
