Charlie Moon's Golf Diary for 1998

Index


April 1998 September 1998

I played nine holes, and I must admit, for a complete tyro, I wasn't bad. I'll now proceed to tell you about every stroke on every hole. And that's one more swell thing about golf, it provides ammunition for the social bore. Who doesn't love cornering others with tales of action and adventure starring the self? But racquetball, for instance, has limits in this regard: "I hit it. She hit it. I hit it. She hit it really hard." And so on. Golf, on the other hand, is picaresque. A good golf bore can produce a regular Odyssey of tedium. And golf allows banal sports chitchat to be elevated to the plane of theoretical physics. An absolute lunkhead--the guy from work who files "The First National Bank" under T for "The" and thinks John Donne is a bathroom cleanser--turns into Stephen Hawking on the subject of golf.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
-- "Golf," Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut, 1995


Tuesday, April 7, 1998
Enterprise Golf Course, Mitchellville, MD
The Census 9-hole league began play tonight. My partner, Jerry Dorrance, and I squared off against old, familiar opponents: Roy Borgstede and Ken Butler. Jerry was getting one stroke from Roy and I was giving Ken one; Ken and I got 5 and 4 strokes respectively on the team (4-ball) match. I quickly went 2-down after 3 holes. Then Ken realized that he hadn't hit a ball since last October and lost holes 5 through 8 to lose the match 2&1. Jerry and Roy had a good match that came to the ninth all square. Jerry used his stroke to defeat Roy 1-up with a par-5.

Final result: Dorrance-Moon 3 Borgstede-Butler 0


Friday April 10, 1998
Breton Bay Golf and Country Club, Leonardtown, MD
My annual get-together of old friends and co-workers known as "The Good Friday Open." Defending champion, Hy Chansky, retained his rights to "the lovely jacket" for another year by shooting somewhat close to his handicap. We played an extra 9 holes, taking advantage of the course's all-day greens fee.


Tuesday, April 14, 1998
Enterprise Golf Course, Mitchellville, MD
Another 9-hole league match versus Janice Sebold and Linda Seymour. This was a shotgun start at 5:30 PM on an overcast evening. The match came down to the last hole which we played in the gloaming to near-darkness. Jerry defeated Janice fairly easily for the first time in memory. Linda and I fought to a halve as usual. The team was halved too, so the result was Dorrance-Moon 2 Sebold-Seymour 1.

An interesting incident occurred on the 14th hole. Janice hit her 2nd shot to the par-5 near the fence close to the green, so she hit a provisional ball, which reached the green. Darkness is rapidly approaching as the search for her ball ensues; the ball found we continue play. In a effort to speed things up, I tell my partner to pick up Janice's ball, only I misinformed him as to which one it is and he picks up Linda's ball. Confusion reigns as they claim that Jerry should be penalized. I bite my tongue because I don't know the rule, but fear that we've lost the hole because most penalties for a breach of the rules in match play is the loss of the hole. After coming to work the next day, I looked it up:

  18-3. By Opponent, Caddie or Equipment in Match Play 

  a. During Search 

  If, during search for a player's ball, the ball is moved by an opponent, his 
caddie or his equipment, no penalty is incurred and the player shall replace 
the ball. 

  b. Other Than During Search 

  If, other than during search for a ball, the ball is touched or moved by an 
opponent, his caddie or his equipment, except as otherwise provided in the 
Rules, the opponent shall incur a penalty stroke. The player shall replace the 
ball. 

  (Ball moved in measuring to determine which ball farther from the hole - see 
Rule 10-4.) 

  (Playing a wrong ball - see Rule 15-2.) 


Sunday, April 19, 1998
Marlton Golf Course, Rosaryville (?), MD
This is a course that is newly opened after it had been left to go fallow for many years; it's reborn as an "upscale daily-fee" venue. The greens are woderful, but that didn't help me. I spent most of this cool misty day hacking my way out of the thick rough. I don't think my crowd will be playing much at this course--the greens fees on the weekend are going to be $50!
Tuesday, April 21, 1998
A 9-hole league "pre-play" of a match that was to be played in June. My partner's going to Phoenix for a few weeks so we rescheduled with Bill Russo and Bill Ricciardi. I lost my individual match to Ricciardi--he beat me 1-up. Jerry fared better beating Russo by a couple of holes. Final result: Dorrance-Moon 2 Russo-Ricciardi 1.
Friday, April 24, 1998
Meadows Farms Golf Course
This was the first Census Golf Club outing of the year. My normal foursome of Borgstede, Butler Dorrance and Moon arrived early to play one of the three nines before the start of the tournament which was a 2 best-ball format. On the 2nd hole of the "Island Green" nine, I managed to lose my watch in a briar patch next to the tee of the 170-yard par-3. The watchband broke during my swing and flew off of my wrist; my ball ended just 5 feet from the cup. (I missed the birdie.)

In the afternoon round, our team played well enough to take 2nd-place and I managed to win a gross clear by parring a short par-4 with a pennisula green.

Meadows Farms is a fun course that boasts of the longest hole in America (an 800-yard+ par-6) and has a spectacular waterfall par-3. I made the pro's day by purcahsing a small book of golf quotations after he'd made the staff keep the pro shop open passed their normal operating hours.


Sunday, April 26, 1998
Enterprise Golf Course, Mitchellville, MD
I played with Roy Borgstede, Dave Word and Don Dalzell. We played "Dave's game," which is where you score a point for each player that you score better than. I sucked--I even had two whiffs on tee shots, for cryin' out loud! The contest came down to Roy and Don with Roy closing a 1-point deficit to win by one on the 18th. (I shot a miserable 101.)
Tuesday, April 28, 1998
Enterprise Golf Course, Mitchellville, MD
Another shotgun start for the 9-hole league. I had to give 12 strokes to James Lessard and Jerry had to give 14 to Steve Angel! After playing 7 holes, I told Jerry that if someone offered us a halve of this match I'd accept and go straight to the clubhouse. After two more holes that's the result we got--talk about holding a bear by the ears! I'm just glad we escaped with the 1.5 points.
Sorry, I haven't been very good at keeping up with this this year....

Tuesday, September 1, 1998
Enterprise Golf Course, Mitchellville, MD
The 9-hole league playoff championship: Jerry Dorrance-Charlie Moon vs. Kim Credito-Ben Hannon. Jerry plays Ben giving him 7 strokes in their individual match. I play Kim giving her 5. In the 4-ball match I get 5 stokes, Ben gets 7 and Kim gets 10. Things go well for Jerry, he's dormie after 7; we're 1 up on the team match and Kim and I are all square. On the 8th, Jerry closes out Ben to get us one point in-hand. Kim beats me and wins the team with a net birdie.

So, the situation on the 9th is: Dorrance def. Hannon 3&1; Credito 1-up vs. Moon; Team match all-square. Ben pulls his tee shot into the pines on the left. I hit a shortish drive into the burned-out right rough. Jerry, as usual, smokes one down the middle. Kim drives to the middle of the fairway. Hannon hits next and goes into the right rough. Moon hits next and follows goes into into the small pines on the right side of the hole. Credito hits a fairway wood just over the hill and is left with an awkward stance. Jerry blasts a fairway wood that catches the cart path and stops rolling to the left of the path some 60 yards from the hole. Kim hits her third and advances the ball 50 yards... maybe; her fourth leaves her approximately 120 yards from the pin. Hannon hits his third just off of the right side of the green. Moon hacks out of the pines to a yard in front of where his partner's ball is. When I get to my ball, Jerry says to me, "This don't look good." "Understatement of the year," I think to myself. The shot that we're faced with: 60 yards. A curb next to the cart path that's a foot high; overhanging Bartlett pear trees that prevent us from lofting the ball more than 6 feet.

Jerry pulls out his 5-iron a smacks his ball to the small rise in front of the green; the ball then starts tracking at the hole like a putt and rolls five feet past. I opted for an 8-iron (I'm closer to the curb, and I hit the ball low, anyway) and hit the same type of shot as my partner, only I get the ball to 3 feet.

Meanwhile, Kim hits her fifth to the left side of the green. Ben hits a weak chip shot and leaves himself twenty feet. Kim misses her long putt and marks her ball. Ben hits his 20-footer to 3 feet and then makes 6 for a net 5. Jerry misses his birdie. Kim is next and Jerry wants to give her the putt but I tell him to make her putt it. She makes it--7 net 5. I make my par putt to win the team and to square my match with Kim. Final result: Dorrance-Moon 2½ Credito-Hannon ½.


Friday, September 4, 1998
I played a Director's Cup quarterfinal match against Jamie Costello. He works the graveyard shift, so he'd been up all night and didn't know what hit him, I'm sure. Here's the card:

Enterprise Golf Course

2802 Enterprise Road
Mitchellville, Maryland 20721
301-249-2040


Hole Number 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Out 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 In Total
Blue Tees 348 505 378 155 410 352 383 206 538 3275 520 399 369 145 505 142 456 380 355 3271 6546
White Tees 325 484 369 141 380 346 363 183 521 3112 514 361 337 115 463 128 431 366 337 3052 6164
Red Tees 275 401 333 129 315 315 327 151 470 2716 412 221 254 92 369 112 361 322 281 2424 5140
Par 4 5 4 3 4 4 4 3 5 36 5 4 4 3 5 3 4 4 4 36 72
Women's Handicap 17 3 5 13 11 9 15 7 1 4 16 10 18 6 14 2 8 12
Handicap 16 4 8 18 6 10 12 14 2 5 3 11 17 7 15 1 9 13
Chas. 4 7/6 5/4 2 5/4 6 4 3 6/5 42 8/7 4/3 8/7 3 5/4 3 4 5 5 45 87
Jamie 5 6 6 3 6 4 7 5 7 49 7 3 4 3 6 3 5 6 6 43 92
+/- +1 +1 +2 +3 +4 +3 +4 +5 +6 +6 +6 +5 +5 +6

Tee Course
Rating
Slope
Blue 71.7 128
White 70.1 124
Red 69.6 114

In the semifinals, I'd get the winner of the Rick Denby-Chris Dyke match. Jamie and I played with Director's Cup semifinalists, Janice Sebold and Lee Harvey. Lee won their match 2 up--he never led until the 17th hole. Janice blew a chance to go 2-up on the 4th when she hit her ball sideways with a practice stroke... went from looking at par to making a double-bogey.

So, the scene is set: If Chris can beat Rick (a tall order--he must give 22 strokes) then the 3 remaining people in the tournament can finish it off at Myrtle Beach because we're all on vacation there starting Sept. 12th.


Monday, September 7, 1998
Labor Day. This is the final match of the Census 4-ball tournament. Borgstede-Moon vs. Dalzell-Spiers. This was a very hard fought match and there was a definite turning point at the par-3 8th when both Don and Emmett hit each other's golf balls. I was fairly confident of victory after both opponents missed short putts on 15 to put us dormie 3.

Enterprise Golf Course

2802 Enterprise Road
Mitchellville, Maryland 20721
301-249-2040


Hole Number 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Out 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 In Total
Blue Tees 348 505 378 155 410 352 383 206 538 3275 520 399 369 145 505 142 456 380 355 3271 6546
White Tees 325 484 369 141 380 346 363 183 521 3112 514 361 337 115 463 128 431 366 337 3052 6164
Red Tees 275 401 333 129 315 315 327 151 470 2716 412 221 254 92 369 112 361 322 281 2424 5140
Par 4 5 4 3 4 4 4 3 5 36 5 4 4 3 5 3 4 4 4 36 72
Women's Handicap 17 3 5 13 11 9 15 7 1 4 16 10 18 6 14 2 8 12
Handicap 16 4 8 18 6 10 12 14 2 5 3 11 17 7 15 1 9 13
Roy 6 5 5 5 4 6 4 4 5 44 5 7 5 3 4 4 5 5 5 43 87
Chas. 4 6/5 6/5 3 5/4 4 7 4 5/4 44 6/5 5/4 4 3 4/3 3 7/6 5/4 6 43 87
Don 4 5/4 6 3 5 6 5 DQ 5/4 44 6 4/3 6 3 7 4 6/5 5 4 45 89
Emmett 5 6/5 6/5 4 6/5 6/5 5/4 DQ 7/6 50 6/5 5/4 5/4 3 7/6 4 4/3 5/4 5/4 44 94
+/- E -1 -1 -1 E +1 +1 +2 +2 +2 +1 +1 +1 +2 +3 +2 +2

Tee Course
Rating
Slope
Blue 71.7 128
White 70.1 124
Red 69.6 114

This is the 4th time that Roy and I have won this tournament. We seem to do very well in it every year. Two other times we've been to the finals and lost, so I think we've got a pretty good victories to defeats average.


Sunday, September 13, 1998
This is the card for the Director's Cup semifinal between Chris Dyke and I. This was a real "bug tussle" according to Roy. We played with Lee Harvey and Ken Butler.

The Wizard Golf

4601 Leeshire Blvd.
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina 29577
803-236-9393


Hole Number 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Out 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 In Total
Blue Tees 569 186 405 181 398 208 568 414 392 3321 367 510 167 408 518 405 424 180 421 3400 6721
White Tees 534 147 379 149 364 173 534 376 356 3012 338 479 138 372 485 369 396 155 394 3126 6138
Senior Tees 486 128 332 126 342 143 498 335 324 2714 312 442 113 343 458 330 339 138 358 2833 5547
Red Tees 440 106 300 104 310 123 447 307 287 2424 297 409 94 301 432 296 319 116 284 2548 4972
Par 5 3 4 3 4 3 5 4 4 35 4 5 3 4 5 4 4 3 4 36 71
Handicap 1 15 7 17 9 13 3 5 11 14 4 18 10 2 12 6 16 8
Chas. 5/4 3 6/5 4 4/3 3 5/4 5/4 5 40 4 5/4 4 5/4 8/7 5 6/5 3 7/6 47 87
Chris 5 3 4 3 4 3 5 5 4 36 4 5 3 5 5 4 4 4 6 40 76
+/- +1 +1 E -1 E E +1 +2 +1 +1 +2 +1 +2 +1 E -1 E E

Tee Course
Rating
Slope
Blue 71.9 128
White 70.1 122
Senior 67.0 114
Red 70.2 119

Chris lipped out a birdie on the first. I canned a 40-footer on 2. I lipped out on 3 after hitting my tee shot a mighty 2 feet. I canned a 25-footer on 5. I drained another long one on 7. I putted from the fringe on 8 and made it; another >20-footer! On 11, I made a 15-foot putt. I made a miracle 2-putt on 13 while Chris 3-putted.

Now comes the slide: I hacked up 14 after a beautiful drive. I made another long putt on 15 to force Chris to make a 6-footer on 15 for the win. I drove into the water on 16 but hung in there and he made a putt to beat me--I've turned a 2-up lead to a 1-down deficit in 3 holes.

Now we go to a par 3 where I've not been doing that great. Chris gives me a gift by missing a 2-footer and the match goes back to all square. On 18, I promptly step up to the tee and drive my ball into the pond on the right. Chris gets up, and anticipating a fade, hits "the dreaded straight ball" into a pond on the left. At this point he blows his stack: "You fucking choking dog! You can never close in these things..." etc. We both chop our way to double- and triple-bogey.

The match ends all square and we've agreed to play a nine-hole playoff the next day at Wachesaw Plantation East. ...I feel like I dodged a lot of bullets. Major putt cannage total: 6.


Monday, September 14, 1998
This is the card for the Director's Cup semifinal between Chris Dyke and I. This was a real "bug tussle" according to Roy. We played with Lee Harvey and Roy Borgstede.

Wachesaw Plantation East

Pawleys Island, South Carolina
803-357-2090


Hole Number 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Out 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 In Total
Green Tees 390 410 530 165 403 380 580 180 420 3458 545 410 185 395 405 195 410 500 430 3475 6933
Blue Tees 376 385 510 155 393 365 550 173 400 3307 515 386 172 378 381 185 395 485 414 3311 6618
White Tees 351 375 495 145 373 342 530 162 390 3163 484 356 166 358 360 170 370 470 400 3134 6297
Gold Tees 328 353 445 135 328 319 490 151 363 2912 449 332 133 332 335 160 340 456 378 2915 5827
Red Tees 260 235 425 121 310 287 450 136 273 2497 425 290 116 262 270 140 275 415 305 2498 4995
Par 4 4 5 3 4 4 5 3 4 36 5 4 3 4 4 3 4 5 4 36 72
Women's Handicap 11 13 3 15 5 7 1 17 9 2 8 18 14 12 16 10 4 6
Handicap 11 7 3 17 9 13 1 15 5 2 10 18 14 12 16 8 6 4
Chas. 6/5 4/3 6/5 2 5/4 6 7/6 4 3/2 43 7 7 4 7 4 4 5 6 5 49 92
Chris 4 DQ 6 4 4 6 5 3 4 42
+/- -1 E +1 +2 +2 +2 +1 E +1

Tee Course
Rating
Slope
Green 73.6 135
Blue 72.0 133
White 70.3/76.7 130/140
Gold 67.9/73.6 117/133
Red 68.8 117

This is the 9-hole playoff. If we're tied after nine we'll go to sudden death. Chris made a miracle par on number one after driving into a pond that you can't see from the tee. Chris played Lee Harvey's ball and vice versa on the second to lose the hole. I canned another snake on number 4 to go 2 up. I made another 20-footer on 5 when it looked like Chris could easily two putt for a win. I gave away the 6th; my tee shot was long and in the middle, Chris was in the trees on the left near a drain (it didn't interfere with stance or swing, so no relief). I pulled my 9-iron shot badly and ended in the trees to the left of the green. We both hacked double bogeys.

Another slide: I hit a couple of balls that had some "hang time" on number 7 and my stroke isn't enough to recover. On 8, I barely missed a putt to halve the hole. The match is all square and is now a sudden death affair.

Dyke drives his ball long down the right side of this dogleg right par-4. I hit my tee shot to the middle of the fairway leaving 170 yards. I hit a lovely cut 4-iron that avoids the water guarding the right side of the green; the ball hits short and runs up to within 4 feet. Dyke hits his approach to within 25 feet. "I guess it's clear that I have to make and you have to miss," says Chris as he stalked his putt, lining it up. He missed. I made. Moon wins the 27-hole semifinal 1-up.

Harvey vs. Moon for the cup will take place on Thursday at Long Bay where both contestants have played before.


Thursday, September 17, 1998
This is the card for the Director's Cup final between Lee Harvey and I. Our marker was Howie Kaufmann--he watched the "Alfonse and Gaston" act.

The Long Bay Club

350 Foxtail Drive
Longs, South Carolina 29568
843-399-2222
800-344-5590


Hole Number 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Out 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 In Total
Gold Tees 408 568 401 472 182 394 543 179 370 3517 352 552 443 156 432 492 433 203 445 3508 7025
Blue Tees 386 538 377 443 166 377 507 166 357 3317 327 520 408 140 404 463 408 194 412 3276 6593
White Tees 377 524 364 419 149 363 485 147 327 3155 315 498 375 123 376 449 380 170 368 3054 6209
Red Tees 319 491 338 382 133 319 442 123 288 2835 289 482 354 86 333 429 357 146 329 2805 5640
Par 4 5 4 4 3 4 5 3 4 36 4 5 4 3 4 5 4 3 4 36 72
Women's Handicap 9 3 7 1 13 15 5 17 11 16 4 8 18 10 6 2 14 12
Handicap 11 3 5 1 13 17 7 15 9 16 10 6 18 8 14 4 12 2
Chas. 7 6/5 5 4/3 6 7 8 3 5 51 6 5 4 4 4 5 9 2 6/5 45 96
Lee 5 8 5 6 3 4 7 5 6 49 5 5 7 3 4 6 5 3 5 43 92
Match -1 E E +1 E -1 -2 -1 E -1 -1 E -1 -1 E -1 E E

Tee Course
Rating
Slope
Gold 74.3 140
Blue 72.1 131
White 70.5 129
Red 72.1 127

Lee had to give me 3 strokes. We both tried to give each other the match all day. I had a bad slide on hokes 5-7 but managed to pull even at the turn. On 10, Lee made a bogey after dribbling one off of the tee. I thought I was in big trouble when Lee knocked one stiff at about four feet on 14. I made a one-putt par and he then missed his birdie. I pulled even with a nice par on 15, while Lee almost made a 5 from the water. I hacked up sixteen miserably to go 1 down.

The tee was being rebuilt on 17, so we played from the women's yardage. Lee knocked one on the green to about 10 feet; I'm thinking to myself, "Jesus, if a don't get this close I'll lose the match right here!" BOOM! I hit an 8-iron to within 3 feet. Lee missed his putt and I made! All square going to the last hole. I promptly hit my tee shot into the pond on the right. Lee wants no part of the pond and pulls his tee shot into the unfriendly territory left of the cart path. Lo and behold! My ball is on a bit of mud at the edge of the pond and playable. I march into the hazrd with a 9-iron; making sure not to ground my club, I extricate myself and have about 100 yards left to negotiate. Lee semi-tops one and is still away. He next chops one to about 30 yards. I hiot my sand wedge onto the front portion of the green and leave about 25 feet uphill for a par. Lee wedges on to 20 feet.

Greed rears its ugly head at this point. I figure I've got this match in the bag, so I'm going to try and bag a "specialty." The group I'm playing with this week gives money to all garbage stuff like "fishies" (making a par after being in a water hazard--which is what my putt would qualify me for), "sandies" (making a par from the sand) "chippies" (making a shot from off of the green), etc.. Well, I blow my putt past by 5 feet! Lee drains his 20-footer. I'm now left with having to make this mid-range putt for The Cup.... I get it started a little left and it stays put, catches the left edge and spins out to two feet. I tap in for a 6 net 5 and Lee and I will have to playoff at The Members Club the next day.


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