First Blair Trip
This is a minute-by-minute report of my first trip to Burkittsville, MD. This account is what I have seen, heard and experienced. I do not make any claims and don't offer any explanations. If you want proof that everything in this record is an accurate description of events, contact Drew Rite, Gina Rite and SEF Research Team. I don't have an explanation of what happened, but I remember what took place on that September day.
1050 Finishing long 12 hour shift… It's raining hard. Ok my partner got a semi-decent excuse why he is late to relieve me…
1100 Ok I should be walking to my car by now… but my relief is still not here.
1110 Where is that bastard!?!
1120 There he is!!! Lazy moron
1121 I'm heading out. It's Sunday. The road is clear. "I will hit the sack right away"
1129 Got home. Decided to check email. Saw "1 missed call" on the cell phone. Hmm, MD area code, must be Drew.
1135 Talked to Drew. He told me that Jeff Mine (PA SEF Priest) is back in HQ with 4 Marines from Quantico. They all want me to come over and discuss something. …Just want what I needed after 12 hours of work. Oh well.
1220 Arrived in HQ. It looks like an USA Army warehouse because of all equipment lying around, everybody dressed in camo. "I wonder what they wanted to discuss…" They were planning something big…. Thanks for not telling me, I was dressed for dinner out.
1300 I asked what was the plan. Last thing I wanted hear is " We want to check out Burkittsville" Guess what they told me. Great. Blair Witch Hype in SEF… So what is the plan?
1310 There was no plan. We had enough equipment to take over the town including weaponry, MRE and communications equipment. We also had a gut feeling that legends and Blair Witch legend doesn't come from nowhere, movie is fake and news guys are just not looking deep enough. We had time on our hands too.
1320 I noticed that our militarized friends are taking the idea a bit to serious… Drew went to another extreme. He decided to take not only Gina with us, his two toddler-like demon driven sons were going with us. Fuck!
1330 With Gina and kids trip promised to be loud and unorganized. If something happens we could have a recipe for disaster
1336 I noticed that Drew's speedometer doesn't work.
1340 Got our stuff together, checked radios and off we went. I hate the way Drew drives! I could have come up with many more much creative ways of suicide… But I didn't want to drive, I was already tired.
1500 On the road. Marines are talking on the radio… All the time. Rodger that… see you and your dead battery in the woods
1520 Stopped by Exxon in Middletown for some gas, disposable cameras (35mm) and a map check. Smoking… DOH! Sorry, Exxon.
1530 Back to cars. Back on the road. Rain is slowing down. Not for long.
1535 Tsk tsk. Isn't it Burkittsville right there on the hill? Yep, sure is. I see the cemetery (that one) and a very creepy looking church. It should have been in a movie, it looks highly creepy…. But it wasn't.
1540 Stopped by the cemetery. Took some pictures. Geez it's lame. Drew with Gina trying to decide which tombstone belongs to Blair Witch…"right on, my dear college graduates, who would bury a witch in a cemetery next to the church? Logic beyond my understanding. Oh wow.
1550 Ok enough of tombstones, lets get on with our no-life lives. We left the graveyard.
1600 Going West on the main street. Passing Burkittsville post office, no mailboxes outside. No newspaper boxes either. No fire hydrants… no kids… we have not seen a person either… yet
1602 Wait! Would you look at that! 3 teenagers, obviously outsiders standing on the street by the post office. We stopped to find out if they got something interesting to say
1606 They told us that they are on the Blair Witch hunt themselves. Labor Day Sunday, you know… weirdos! Hehehe. We wished them luck and went on west.
1612 Rick is getting strange gut feeling that we are going in the wrong direction. U-turn. Guess where we are going now… correct! East.
1615 Passing the intersection with Route 17. No one on the streets. No one.
O fucking K
1625 Still going East. Rick "feels" that we are going the right way. Passing over the Spook Hill
1627 We are in the woods. Wow! Would you just look at that!
1630 Parking on a curb. checking Radios. looking around. Abandoned building, with very old, small cemetery around. Tomb stones are few and far between. Very old and small. No trespassing signs all over. Yeah right.
1631 James comes up with an excuse for being here. "Civil War heritage research". Lame. But who cares?
1632 Rick takes off running into the woods, but keeps in touch over the radio. I'm taking pictures while everybody is trying to decide who stays here and who is going after Rick
1633 I turned around and saw the back door to the abandoned church is wide open. It's dark inside. Told everybody
1635 Heading back to the car to get the flashlight. It begins to rain. Comfort level is below zero.
1636 I see James walking in my direction. He looks like he just saw a ghost. Very pale.
1637 James grabs the bow out of the trunk. Third time asked him what's wrong he tells me "it's full of symbols..." "what symbols??" "Satanic" He took off running back to the "church". I followed
1640 We are going in. Drew in front with the MagLite, James behind him with the loaded bow over Drew's shoulder. I go in the back taking pictures.
1641 Large pentagram on the floor. White wax around it. Altar on the left. "United we stand - Divided we fall" written in blood. "Give your sins to the Devil" graffiti on the North wall. "Keep the fuck out" graffiti on the South wall. Plenty of empty beer cans laying around. "Milwaukee's Best" Yuk.
1645 Moving upstairs. Big can of melted tar is blocking the steps. We are pretty tense.
1646 Entering 2nd floor. It's a church alright. "Evil 187" graffiti on the South wall. What does that mean?
1648 Well I took all pictures I could. Going downstairs. That was a good start.
1649 "GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!" It was coming from outside. Wonderful. Welcome to Burkittsville, kiddies. We are hauling ass.
1650 I think it was Rick who told us to get out. He saw a huge nest of yellow-jackets on the northern wall of the church and decided not to check our allergies. Or do it later. We thought it was something else. Phew!
1700 Ok. All pictures taken. Houston, we have a Cult! It's pouring rain. Boarding the vehicles. There is a puddle of water on my seat. Drew never fixed that damn leaking sunroof.
1706 Dog on the porch of the house across the street kept barking. If someone wanted to get us arrested for trespass, they could do it right about now. But they didn't. Thanks.
1715 Back on the road. We are running low on gas and film. We decided to go back to Middletown and gas up.
1725 On the way to the gas station. I'm pretty excited. Considering the pictures i got pretty valuable I called my friend and told him where I am and what I got. Nobody knew where I was and probably for the first time in my life I felt very uncomfortable about it.
1735 Back on the gas station. Gina Rite discovers a camera in her purse, so now all I need is 35mm film. I can handle it.
1750 Ok. we got gas, films and smokes. Burkittsville here we go.... again.
1800 Back on the road. Not raining anymore. I can see clear sky on the horizon. Drew's speedometer is working. Why?
1805 Confirmed our plans with Marines over the radio. This time we are hitting woods. Rick is taking the lead, he knows where we need to go. I hope.
1835 Arrived. Small clearing in the woods at the beginning of a trail.
1835 Cars parked. Equipment shared. No Trespass signed studied, photoed and ignored. We are going up the trail. Now I have questions.
"Ok, so what are we looking for here?"- I asked Rick. He looked at me as if I already knew the answer. I looked back...
"Rick, do you know what are we looking for? You seem to have other than academic interest in all that." -"Yes I do" said Rick. Hmm. Ok, kiddies. The further into the woods the fatter are the partisans.
1847 We are on the trail. Beautiful scenery, fresh air and growing feeling of conspiracy. Ok, I need someone to brief me on what Rick is up to. In the condition that Rick briefed anyone else that is.
1900 Walking up the trail. Looking around, jokes in style. Drew is filling me in on Rick's deal. "By what he told us... He was either born in this godforsaken town or someone he was very close with died here, or both". I reacted accordingly. "What the fuck?!?! Why no one told me about it the moment we left your apartment, or at least before we got outside my cell phone coverage area?" - "No one knows the full story... but everybody realizes that Rick is somehow connected with this place"
1910 I finally got the opportunity to realize that Rick was leading the team to the place in the woods only he knew or felt existed.
1913 Passing the large rock on the right of the trail. James is sure that red spots and spills all over it is dry blood. Drew thinks the same. It looked like moss to me but who I am to argue with Marines on how blood looks like. I took pictures in 100% and 150% close-up. Thought of collecting the sample, but of course I had no ziplocks, no gloved and no desire to implement my forensics skills. Dark red stuff, ok let it be.
1925 Large twig flew through the air and hit the ground right behind us. Interesting. I also noticed that the twig slid on the gravel when it fell. Objects that fall straight down dont slide on impact. Branches fallen from trees DO fall vertically down... unless...
1926 HOLY COW! This time a rock fell on the ground 3 feet away from kids and Gina. We freaked. Stones dont grow on trees! Rick took off running in the woods... not again!! This time James followed him closely. Two more rocks and couple of twigs hit the trail. Someone was definitely trying to hurt us or make us leave.
1930 I got on the radio and told the rest of the team that me and Gina need one more person to carry kids to the car.
1932 The rest of the people including Drew followed Rick and James in attempt to find our invisible attacker. Invisible. Good description. If you want to throw something and hit the trail you need to stand close enough to the trail, close enough for your rocks or twigs not to hit the trees that block the trail, and close enough to be seen from it. Well, it wasn't the case this time. We didn't see or hear anything or anyone around. Ok. Lets get to the cars, then think about it.
1935 Running back to the cars, I carry Josh (Drew's son) another guy is carrying JT (another Drew's offspring). I heard dogs from afar. Several dogs. Not good. If there is anything that I'm afraid more than dogs.. is large dogs. I picked up couple of medium size rocks. I really hoped for the feeling of false security to come, no luck, I felt vulnerable.
1939 From what I heard on the radio search party didn't find anything that could cause our gloryless retreat yet.
1945 Back to the cars. Kids locked in. Gina is freaking out. I dont blame her. Well, it wasn't all that bad. I dont hear any dogs.
1950 Me and the other Marine are standing around smoking. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??? WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS??!!!" My heart is racing. Marine with a bright red laser-looking dot on his chest turned to me and asked why am I so pale. I didn't hesitate to inform him that he has got laser sight dot on his chest and that he'd be better off hitting the ground sometime soon. I must say that he did it without giving it a second thought.
1951 Damn... what do I do now?
1952 Red light ended up to be LED indicator of Marine's radio he put in the inside pocket. OK. That was funny.
2000 Search party came back with nothing.
2010 Kids were let out of the car to take a piss. A large rock, hit the hood of the car they were standing next to. That's it! We are out of here. Enough of flying rocks, woods, LED indicators and scared kids.
2015 No. I guess I'm not out of here yet, Drew and Rick want to perform a ritual. They have gotto be kidding me!!! I asked and they said no. Ok, so they weren't kidding me. When they said that they need my help in the ritual, I thought that now they definitely have gotto be kidding me. Nope, no humor this time either. Come the fuck on, people! Aren't you tired enough of this bullshit?
2030 Ritual is done. I promised myself to write a book about Drew's rituals... hehehe, some other time perhaps.
2040 It's dark. Foggy. We are driving slowly. Heading for the camping grounds. Camp site sounded like a good place to put info together, eat and decide which way out of town is the most direct.
2045 Route 17 East. Passing by the "Cult Church", fog looks more like milk spray than water vapor. Of course I'm the lucky one to glance at the cemetery by the "church". I froze. 8-9 feet tall figure with shoulder width of no less than 4-5 feet was standing waist in fog between the trees.
2046 I kept looking at the figure, I wish we'd be driving faster, much faster. I don't remember if I just couldn't say a word or I wisely decided not to tell Drew (who drives like a maniac even on a sunny happy day in Disneyland) Gina and kids needed not to see this. So one way or the other I didn't say a word till we got to the camping grounds.
2047 The figure didn't move, nor changed. But it was there. Fuck.
2105 We arrived at the camp site. Ate. I couldn't get that figure out of my head. Right now, when I write this, in soft chair, safe as home, I can come up with many versions of what it was. But back then I knew one thing. It is there. We are there too. We don't belong there. We have gas left. The road is THAT way.
2130 Some "native" lady rudely informed us that since we didn't reserve a spot on a camp site we have to leave. Best idea since I woke up (a day before)
2150 Back on the cemetery (central one). Fear is gone. I grow angry. There is so many things I could have done to investigate what I saw…
2152 Red van drove up the stop sign on Route 17. Turned left.
2153 White truck came from where the van just has gone
2154 Red Ford Mustang repeated van's route
2155 Van came back and went truck's way
2156 Red Mustang made a loop and came back from where it has gone… Hmm.
2157 Van
2158 Truck
2159 Ford… all over again
2200 in next 15 minutes three vehicles were circling the cemetery parking lot
2115 MD state police trooper pulled into the lot and put his lights on
2120 Nothing changed. We are standing-smoking-talking. Trooper in the cruiser with lights on watching us from 10 feet away. Fuck him
2125 Trooper noticeably pissed off by our lack of attention to his wonderful person got out of the cruiser. Did it really take that much time to understand we can't be accused of anything? Cemetery by the church IS a public property, you know.
2126 Cop checked our ID's and decided to talk. Bright guy.
2127 Cop- "I guess you are the Blair Witch hunters, huh?" We answered with silence, but he could read "Fuck you, moron" in our eyes clearly enough, so he admitted - "You know guys, I don't feel comfortable around 6 big guys like you, by myself, and I don't even want to think what you got in the trunk of your cars. But I was born in this town and I can tell you that there is no Blair Witch here, there is a Spook Hill, and there is Devil's Tunnel where some motorcyclist died, but no witch, so why don't we make a deal… I go get some coffee and you go home." We agreed.
2145 Left Burkittsville
2200 Exxon in Middletown. 3rd time today.
2210 I looked at the map and saw that official population of Burkittsville is 187 people. Then I remembered that 187 is also 10-code for homicide in state police departments. I remembered graffiti "EVIL-187" in the Cult Church. I got something to think about.
2230 We left the Exxon and headed home. I fell asleep.
2330 I finally got home. Promised myself that I will never again go out on a filed trip without sleeping at least 8 hours prior to it
© Zmey Smirnoff