In the event that you forgot what happened in Stettler, here is the score card for the fifth G.A.S.P. tournament. 
 
 
 

     The tournament was a modest affair, compared to most years, when one considers that John came nowhere close to decapitation or impalement.  This author’s highlights include: 
•   Driving into the campsite to find Dave and Malcolm watching hockey on T.V.  This was the final few dry minutes they were to enjoy during the weekend. 
•   Watching Dave trying to become the “Human Lightning Rod” as he wandered across the top of the motorhome in the pouring rain. 
•   Enjoying the view from the back of #18 as the golf carts slid down the fairway to the water hole. 
•   Mahatma “Gandi” Kopp’s lucky dome. 
•   “Sliding” over to the pub for supper. 
•   Celebrating the victory 24 hours early!

     A member takes a guest onto his course for his first visit. They are having a good round lots to talk about etc.  As they are about to tee off on one of the holes a naked lady runs from the trees next to the tee box right in front of them.  A few seconds later three men wearing white coats also run from the trees chacing after the lady.  About one minute later a forth man in a white coat carrying two buckets filled with sand also appears from the trees chasing the others. 
     "What is going on?" asks the guest of the member. 
     "Its nothing to worry about.  On the other side of the trees is a hospital for the mentally ill. and the lady is trying to escape.  The men in the white coats are the nursing staff and are trying to catch her to return her to her ward." 
     "I can understand that says the guest but why is one of them carrying two buckets of sand?" 
     "Thats his handicap, he caught her last week!" replied the member. 
 

     A bad tempered golfer throws his club deep into the woods after shanking a pitch to the last green.  His partner says, "You may not find that one as the woods are dam thick.  Why don’t you throw a provisional?" 
 

     A golfer hits a hole in one on a long par three.   As the proud golfer and his pals arrive to retrieve his ball from the hole, a huge plume of smoke shoots out of the hole and suddenly a genie appers.  He tells the astonished golfer that he is “The Genie of the Third Hole”, and that his hole in one has earned him three unique wishes.  The uniqueness is that whatever the golfer wishes for this wife will receive double that wish. 
     The golfer begins by wishing for 10 million dollars.  “Done!” says the genie.  “Your wife has 20 million dollars.” 
     Next, the golfer wishes for a beautiful new Rolls Royce.  “Done!” says the genie.  “Your wife has two new Rolls.” 
     Lastly, the golfer says, “Now I want you to beat me half to death.”

Q.  What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Lady Di?? 
A.  Tiger Woods has a better driver. 

Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't: 
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent 
9.  After 18 holes I can barely walk 
8.  You really whacked the hell out of that sucker 
7.  Look at the size of his putter 
6.  Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more 
5.  Mind if I join your threesome? 
4.  Stand with your back turned and drop it 
3.  My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2.  Nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired 

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't: 
1.    Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

Photo caption:  John, oblivious to the course wildlife, attempts his third putt, while Doug looks on.  Lyle, buried in the sand up to his glasses, is off to the left.