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THEG.A.S.P. GAZETTE |
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THEG.A.S.P. GAZETTE |
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Time to mortgage your home and begin preparing for the sixth version of our most beloved tournament, the G.A.S.P. This year’s edition is prepared by Corlac’s El Presidente, Jim “Do you take American Express?” van der Sloot. And considering the success of his other endeavors (?), we can expect an expensive exquisite experience.  For one of the two rounds on Saturday we have a package deal. $85.00 includes the golf, carts, driving range and BBQ steak dinner. Caddies (show to the right) are optional. |
Since Jim announced this schedule, we have asked if we can adjust the
tee times on Sunday, and he said he would try to change them so that we
can sleep in a little on the last morning. Also, the early round
on Saturday may become an optional round for the die-hard golfers who can’t
get enough of the game (while the rest can’t get enough sleep.) Let
Jim (529-6813 or 548-9630) know your intentions.
As for accommodations, Jim has booked two condos at the Radium Springs Resort. Each comes equipped with 3 beds and two sofas (beds?) and kitchen facilities. (Bring a sleeping bag and pillow.) At $200/unit/ night, the cost per golfer will depend on the number of people we have. A number of regulars will not be joining us this year. Mark has moved to Nova Scotia to work for a couple of years. (The pressure of winning every year when he has attended was a little too much to handle.) John will be in Vancouver attending a graduation, and tying the knot. (Any excuse to not embarrass himself on the course with those inflated scores!) And Tony’s family is growing by one dependent. (You would think he would check the G.A.S.P. schedule when planning more kids.)  |
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A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. The Jew, bragging about his virility said "I have four sons, one more and I'll have a basketball team!." The Catholic poo-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That’s nothing boy, I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team." To which the Mormon replied, "You fellers ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have a golf course!." A man hit his drive behind a barn and could not see the
green. His wife said, I'll open the doors on both ends of the barn
and you can hit the ball through the barn to the green. When the
husband did this he hit his wife in the temple and killed her on the spot.
About six months later the husband was playing golf with a friend and sure
enough he hit his ball behind the same barn. His friend said, I'll
open the doors on both ends of the barn and you can hit the ball through
the barn to the green. The husband said, I don't think I can do that
and I hate this hole. His friend said, it's not that hard and why
do you hate this hole? The husband said, after bowing his head, the
last time I played this hole I got an 8!
How many times have you played a round and not only finished 15-20 strokes behind your partners but also wound up losing your shirt as well? When you get into a foursome with low handicap golfers you tend to be drawn into their world of thinking that the only way to prove your golfing skill is by going home with the most cash. Unfortunately for you, the only way you'll pocket the booty is by clubbing the other three into unconsciousness and stealing their wallets. For the bad golfer, playing for money is to golf what tree bark is to Sonny Bono ... a quick death (financially for the golfer, of course). The pressure of having to compete with someone whose ball launches off his club like a Patriot missile is bad enough. Add to that the possibility of losing another $40 in addition to the greens fee and your game falls apart quicker than O.J.'s credibility. Your thought process before crucial shots becomes severely altered. You go from just thinking about making triple bogey to thinking if you don't make triple bogey, you not only get the snowman but you also might stand to lose some cash. That combination only leads to what could become the most devastating round of your life. You can avoid this situation by either refusing to play for money or you call the bets. With you making the rules on the betting, you bring your lack of skill to the forefront where it can actually benefit you. For instance, rather than playing for "greenies" on the par threes, play "fringies." Fringies are played by NOT hitting the green, some-thing at which you are a master. CHA-CHING!! You can also play a game called "Roughies." In this game, which lasts over 18 holes, the person who hits the |
least amount of fairways on the driving holes gets the pot.
Always searching for your tee shots in the rough? CHA-CHING!!
Another sure way to clean up the cash is by playing Lost Balls. This is done by simply totaling up the number of golf balls you have lost throughout the round. Lose a dozen per round? CHA-CHING!! However, the one downside to this is that the money you win if you lose the most balls will have to go to replace the ones you lost. But look at the bright side, you finally took someone else's money!
Now we have the opportunity to embarrass ourselves over the world wide web. If you surf the net, visit our website at http://geocities.datacellar.net/ Augusta/Fairway/4787 to check our website. Back issues of the newsletter, scores, and photos can be found. To add something to this newsletter or web site, e-mail me your contributions and/or jpegs. |
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