JOKES 2

12 points
==== 12 Signs That You Have Had Too Much of the '90s ====
1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."
3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he  e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
6.) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
7.) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
8.) You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
9.) Your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college roommate used to play.
10.) You check your blow dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.
11.) Your mother clogs up your e-mail inbox, asking you to send her JPEG files of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
12.) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

Daily addages,
1.)Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days the statue.
2.)I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
3.)Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I  thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling" ?
4.)My "reality check" bounced.
5.)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
6.)Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
7.)Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
8.)Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to   complete than expected, mostly because the planners Expect their  planning to reduce the time it takes.
9.)Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
10.)Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
11.)People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
12.)I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
13.)Indecision is the key to flexibility.
14.)If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is.
15.)I don't get even, I get odder.
16.)In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
17.)I considered atheism, but there were just too few holidays.
18.)I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
19.)Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
20.)My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
21.)I am having an out-of-money experience.
22.)I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
23.)A day without sunshine is like night.
24.)I have kleptomania and, when it gets bad, I take something for it.
25.)If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
26.)There's no need to have a fear of falling - it's the sudden stop at   the bottom that warrants the fear.
27.)Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

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