How to Spot a Feminist

In the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s, the feminist movement had started and grown. It had been ignored for a couple of decades until the 70’s when it started again. Female college students burned bras to protest discrimination and gender roles. Has the movement gone into another ice age? We haven’t seen any real feminist movements since the Anita Hill case, making sexual harassment against the law. In this essay, How to spot a feminist, I will teach you to how to spot one using stereotypes I learned from television. There are 4 tests, follow them and you will have your man… err… I mean woman.
Test I Appearance: Feminists are female, wear no makeup and never smiles, unless it’s to fellow feminist. Their hair is spiked, blond if young, brunette if older. They are butch, or have a stern body language. They have sharp touges, and never wear bras. In fact they have burnt all the pairs their parents have bought for them. They hate men, and will never be seen w/ one unless it’s a relative or a feminist sympathizer.
Test II Music: Another indication of a feminist is the music they listen to. It is a recording of banshees screaming chants of hate toward men, also known as FemRock. The performers of this “music” gather together once a year. They dance and “sing” on a stage for all feminists to watch. This ritual is called Lilith Fair. Be warned this ritual might come to your town with out you even knowing it and steal your daughters!
Test III The Room Test: Put the accused feminist in a room with 10 women and one man in it. Watch her closely. If she is a feminist, in a matter of hours, she will have all the women inspired about feminism and the man in the fetal position, crying, on the floor.
Test IV The Floating Test: Since it is a widely known idea that all normal women have less brain mass then men. (Just fancy ways of saying women are airheads) Throw the suspected feminist into a pool. If she isn’t a feminist she will float, because the extra space in her head (filled with air) will allow her to be buoyant like a beach ball. If she is a feminist, the extra brain matter will let her sink like a bag of rocks.
If all else fails just ask her, if she is happy to be a feminist, she will tell you. If she isn’t then she isn’t a true feminist. Always remember feminists are people too!

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