UNTITLED
I can’t concentrate. My mind is feels like its speeding to achieve something. Constant thoughts, words, are running in and out of my head. Each one reminding me of a place, a moment. It won’t stop. My stomach twists then I fade away… Smack… I’m suddenly awoken by the sound of my body crashing in to the marble floor of the lobby… Did I pass out? …Oh my god did anyone see? does anyone care?…
Utter silence wraps the halls as they just stare, at the idiot, the lunatic. Then a young male voice yells from the crowd, “Learn how to stand, retard!” There is laughter, and then the crowd turns back to each other, shrugging what happened off their backs.
It’s 3:30 in the morning, sleep demons have once again, shaken a peaceful bed. I sit alone in the dark thinking…What will I do? The pain won’t stop…Suicide? No that’s what they expect me to do… no something unnoticeable, something no one will know about…
The pain in my gut gets worse as I rise from the mattress on the floor. It’s the same pain as before, when I…. No don’t think about it, you’ll make yourself sicker. I walk down the hall to the kitchen. The dark corridor seems to be a mile long, It seems to be taking me away from my destination. I begin to panic, and then I finally arrive in the dinning room… good, the kitchen is just a few steps away. My heart rests as I step into the naked doorway of the kitchen.
Buzz… the sound of low voltage lights startle me… that was loud… did my mom hear? Will she come in, see what I’m going to do and send me away? No she won’t do that. She’ll just say I’m just trying to shock her or I’m just trying to get out of school tomorrow and send me to my room. If I’m lucky she’ll ground me and send me to my room, then I’ll have a reason to stay in bed.
I wait a moment, hoping to hear the sounds of a sleeping household. Then a loud booming snore comes from my mother’s room; she’s asleep, ignoring reality as usual. I turn to the kitchen drawer, Open it and grab the shiny, metal comfort in front of me. I hold it to the back of my arm and w/ a swift, sharp, motion I invite its civility into my body.
Suddenly my body goes limp, couriers of pain shoot through out my body, I drop the metal comfort and put my hand on its opening. I feel a warm, tranquil liquid, flow through my fingers then I drop in to a sea of serenity….
I awake when the sun douses my face, with its warm beams of light, from my kitchen window… huh? What time is it? I gaze at the clock on the microwave… oh my, 6:30, I have to be in school in an hour. I rise to my feet, and go to the bathroom to wash the dried remains of last night’s grave adversity.