why do we even ask why... Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic? How come wrong numbers are never busy? Can a stupid person be a smart-ass? Does killing time damage eternity? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America? Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America.....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Why doesn't toothpaste ever go rotten? How come when you first pull the drapery cord the drapes always move the wrong way? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? "true" Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? Considering all the lint you get in your dryer if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over? Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed? In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer, when we complained about the heat? If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend who really is the dumber sex? Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year? Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bed-ridden for weeks? Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right? Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to live with women? "If at first you don't succeed" shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to? If an optimist fell from a ten story building, would he yell out to his friends "All right so far" as he passed each floor?