smirks of wisdom... The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Always remember you're unique -- just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Remember, when someone annoys you,it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack that jerk upside the head. The things that come to those who wait are what's left behind by those who got there first. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Aspire to inspire before you expire. My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine. Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. Every morning is the dawn of a new error. God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.