"They took the bar!... The whole f__king bar!!"

Beer Runs of Infamy

One night, having run low on Ceremonial Libations at a marathon 24 Hour Toga Party, the boys realized that their emergency Coors Light backstock was down to no more than 3 cases, and of course chose "Road Trip" as the means of transport to the resupply center. With as much charm and persuasion as they could manage in their compromised state, they convinced one of their female party guests to act as captain of the "SS Land Yacht" and drive them to the store. Upon arriving at the local 7-11, however, it was clear that they were in no condition to get out of the vehicle, much less do something as difficult as speaking or counting money.

Now, it's one thing to convince a lovely female party guest to drive because she's less impaired then you, and quite another to convince her that she has to go in and make the purchases by herself. Especially since, being mid party, the young lady in question was wearing only a man’s athletic supporter and a small leather motorcycle vest. Brief negotiations ensued, and it was decided that they would all go in. The boys would schlep the cases of golden nectar as best they could, and the girl would handle the counting/social interaction thing.

Anyone insisting that Iranians aren't easily stunned or embarrased, obviously didn't see the looks on the faces of the sales clerks when this threesome staggered up to the register. Sir Conrad I. Picklebutt, resplendant in his trademark red Toga with gold leaf trim and red crushed velour tie, Sir Billy Ray Bob Jackson in his dashing white toga with Laurel wreath, and their female party guest, wearing only a jock strap and leather vest.

Incidentally, the store's security video from that night would later become a huge hit in Tehran, under the title "Godless American Pigs and their Hot Monkey Women".



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