In the not so distant past...
The Scene: Roof-top terrace of Team S&M Worldwide's East Asian headquarters, overlooking the upscale southern suburbs of Seoul, with the Han river and Namsan's stupendous observation tower in the background... plans for yet another Team S&M Inter-Continental adventure are underway...
Having traveled over 6,000 miles and gone through 14 time zones, one might think it would be nap time for Sir Billy Ray Bob Jackson. But, of course, this was no ordinary human being (the fact that, having flown First Class, he was given complementary drinks until he passed out, and spent most of the flight unconsious may have had something to do with his high energy level). Having arrived and checked into a nearby hotel (specifically, the Bak Jae "Love Hotel"), co-founder Sir Jackson was prepared to do battle.
"Have a cigar - It's Cuban..." said Sir Jackson.
"Have a beer - It's Korean..." replied Sir Picklebutt. "You must be tired, having traveled over 6,000 miles and crossed 14 time zones."
"Why no, would you like me to be?" answered Sir Jackson.
"Heavens, no" said Sir Picklebutt", "Itaewon ahoy!" (Note: See Dive Bar Listings for a description of the Itaewon bar district in Seoul, South Korea).
(Standing in front of famous Korean fashion designer Andrew Kim's dress shop on Tosandaero.)
"This is a great place to be picked up by our private limo, while viewing strange-looking clothing designers who use women's makeup and dress in outfits that would embarrass Michael Jackson", comments Sir Picklebutt. (although, in retrospect, spending any time in front of a famous designer's storefront might not have been such a good idea, what with the Versace thing...).
"Ok, Ok, so you guys are rearry cops?" said the victim (having been persuaded by the boys eloquence, and their vast knowledge of guns and police procedures, not to mention the realistic false identification and phony badges they had just purchased from a local vendor), "But why you come all way Korea, get this Mr. Kim guy. You badges say you Ras Angeres Porice Department, yes? Why no FBI, or CIA do this?"
"Bar Maid, saeng maekju hana chom tul chuseyo (another draft beer) for my friend here." said Picklebutt.
"Well, you see, it's like this." said Jackson (in his most professional voice). "We're on a special , ah... experimental mission. That is to say, nothing like this has ever been tried before. We've both had special training in the Asian subculture known technically as "The Place Where Men Go to Buy $7.00 Colored Water Drinks for Beautiful Young Asian Women Who Then Talk Dirty to Them While Rubbing Their Legs Suggestively or Vice Versa and Wake Up the Next Day With a Hang-Over the Size of Illinois Wondering How They Could Have Spent as Much Money as They Did and Not Gotten Laid."
"What you say?" stammered the victim
"Bar Maid, yet another beer for my friend here." replied Picklebutt
"Or, more commanly known as "Korean Hostess Bars".
"With a specialty in "Buy-Me-Drinkie Girls" added Picklebutt.
"Hence, with our special training, and it being known that Mr. Kim frequents these establishments in the Itaewon area, we were the perfect choice for the job. Believe me, you wouldn't want to cross this Mr. Kim character... he used to be a member of the Korean Secret Service, before he went bad."
The victim seemed completely stopped dead by this last exchange. He sat motionless, staring at the umpteenth beer purchased for him by the boys. Finally, he turned back to them and asked, "You got good leads any?"
"Not yet, but we have sworn to keep looking for Mr. Kim in every dive bar in Itaewon as long as we are able to walk, stumble or crawl." said Picklebutt in a determined voice.
"You two guys number one!" said the victim.
"It's our job, it's what we're trained to do." said Jackson
"When I in army, I train Tae Kwon Do." said the victim
"What did you train him to do?" asked Sir Jackson
"No, he means he learned Tae Kwon Do. Say, could you show us some moves right now?" said Picklebutt (noting the man was having difficulty just sitting upright).
"Ah... you are good policemen, but I can show you something! You big guys watchie this!" said the Victim.
"Watchie this? ... watchie out..." said Picklebutt discreetly.
The victim finally made it to his feet (with some support from the bar surface), then stumbled back, hesitated, and attempted a flying kick. The flying part was fairly good, but the landing wasn't. The victim ended up sprawled partially on a table, and partially on a hostess, who at the time, was with a rather large American man (who seemed none too happy about this uninvited interruption).
Noting that the hapless victim was now being lifted in the air, and was about to be launched into geosynchronous orbit, Jackson leaned to his cohort and said, "Sir Picklebutt, as your lawyer, I suggest that we be --"
"Leaving! What a good idea!"
No mention of a grisley barroom murder was reported in any local newspapers the next day, but upon visiting the same establishment some days later, the boys discovered a Mr. Kim-sized hole in the back wall...
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