notice: this was written before the real ::shudder:: home alone three was released, and i dont fucking feel like changing it, alright? those hollywood bastards.. no one liked that movie anyway... sue those arseholes... MINE WAS RELEASED FIRST I SHOULD GETTHE COPYRIGHT!!!! THOSE BASTARDS!!!! [knight hits git over head w/rubber chicken] *THUMP* oohh... and now, the skit....
{Beatles singing to tune of Sgt. Pepper(cartoon)} Paul:And may I introduce to you,the film you've known for all these years:Home Alone 3 Lost In Amish Coun-try !{Home Alone logo pops up with a 3 beside it.Cut to inside house} Mom:Kevin you're gonna be late !The grocery store closes at 10:00 ! Kevin:{asleep}narf.{sleepwalks downstairs in bathrobe,boxershorts,and pink bunny slippers} Mom:I'm leaving without you !{does so} Kevin:{walks out door}I'm coming{walk walk walk walk walk walk walk.cut to map with line moving from Chicago towards Pittsburgh,swimming through water,crossing highway}*smack*{stuck on a truck's window,cut to map.truck noises,reaches western Pennsylvania}Mom did you move the car ?{hits into barn in process of rising} Farmer 1:Who be ye who hits my barn ? Kevin:eeeeeeeeeeee{faints} Farmer 1:Be ye asleep or be ye dead ? I know not so I ask ye.
later
Kevin:Ooh thank you kind ma'am.{taking hot cocoa} Farmer's Wife 1:Drink up little one,and ye shall go and help the elders with ye olde barne. Kevin:Huh ?{takes a sip}Ahhh !{drops on floor} Farmer's Wife 1:Thou shalt not scream within these here walls !{pricks tongue with pin} Kevin:Ahh...I mean thank you for correcting me.
outside
Burgler 1:{tall one w/hair}I'm gonna steal me some home made ham. Burgler 2:{short and bald}Yeah,and some smoked pork too. Burgler 1:You know I'm jewish ! Burgler 2:Come on,you've mugged a priest,tewo buddhists,and a rabbi.Do you think God cares anymore ? Burgler 1:Let's get some pork and eat it with cheese and onions{black screen} Rutles on Tv:Do I have to spell it out ?
c-h-e-e-s-e a-n-d o-n-i-o-n-s
Burgler 2:What was that ? Burgler 1:Who cares ?{goes into house through kitchen window} Farmer's Wife 1:*gasp* Burgler 2:Oh.sorry ma'am.We meant to come into an unoccupied room. Burgler 1:Hey,isn't that the kid from the other two movies ? Burgler 2:Yeah,I think he is{Kevin ducks under table} Burgler 1:I'm gonna get you,you little rat !{does so.Amish lady in corner gasping in horror} Burgler 2:Heh heh heh,you're doomed. Burgler 1:Hey.now that we've got him what are we gonna do to him ? Burgler 2:First, we tie his shoelaces together Kevin:*gasp* Then,we brush his teeth.. Kevin:*gasp* and then we take him to a live taping of the Yoko Ono Experience ! Kevin:{hands on face.famous scream.} Burgler 2:Get down on the floor squirt ! Kevin:I already am. Burgler 2:Well stay down there ! Burgler 1:Yeah ! Burgler 2:Tie him up. {Burgler 1 ties Kevin's shoelaces together} Burgler 2:Heh heh heh,now the toothpaste ! Burgler 1:I'm all out. Burgler 2:What ?! I thought you always carried a tube with you ! Burgler 1:Yeah,but it leaked into my pants one day and.. Burgler 2:That's enough.Hey lady,do you have any toothpaste ? Farmer's Wife 1:No,kind sir.We art a simple people and doth not believeth in such luxeries.{rotten toothe falls out} Kevin:Eww... Burgler 1:Pipe down ! Burgler 2:Ok,no toothpaste.You got your walkman ? Burgler 1:Yup. Burgler 2:Put in the No Doubt cd. Kevin:No-no you wouldn't ! Burgler 1:{puts in cd} Here's your headphones rat !{cut to castle scene} Peter Tork:I happen to like rats !{tears off clothes to reveal spandex suit} Frogman:I'll save you ! Rueben:Me too !{jumps into house scene with Frogman} {frogman music.fighting}
*piff* *waf* *zort* *narf* *ni* *peng* *neewom*
Frogman:Neewom ? That's 2 syllables ! Rueben:{hits Burgler 1 over head with pie} Burgler 1:{falls to floor} Narf....I mean aarrg. Frogman:{bending Burgler 2's fingers back} Burgler 2:Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow Frogman:{knees him in groin} Burgler 2:Auugh... Frogman:Never again,Kevin,shall these mean greenies bug you ! Rueben:Crime pays minimum wage {Frogman and Rueben exit} Kevin:{Takes broom from corner}Ha ha !{sits on it and flies out of window,flying flyinf flying foes in through window}narf
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