note: this is comepletely bloody fiction. I don't know if the Galleghers were ever this rude as kids, and I don't think Bonehead was hanging out with them at this age... oh well..it's still funny Once upon a time far far away in the magical land of fa..no..I mean Manchester, there lived a young lad named Liam....(cut to Liam. He's about 6 and throwing rocks at a window) Little Liam: Haha! Bloody fooker! ( rocks break the window and fly into the room which belongs to Noel. Noel is about 10 and is looking at a picture of John Lennon admirably while listening to Strawberry Fields) Little Noel: Aye! Liam is that you? (walks over to window) Little Liam: (hiding behind tree with Little Bonehead) No. (pushes Little Bonehead out into the open) 'twas him. Little Bonehead: (blank stare) Darr... Little Noel: Lyin piece of shit..Go 'ome Bonehead. Don't play with Liam, he's a bastard. (shuts window) Little Bonehead: Uh..(wets himself) Little Liam: Fook! Bonehead I'm not lending ye anymore knickers! Little Paul: (ya know, the older brother. He's significantly older..15 maybe?) Hello blimey bastards! Meet Patsy..she's a helluva shag. Little Patsy: (giggling and waving at Liam) 'ello. Little Liam: Wot's that in yer mouth, Paul? Little Paul: It's a fag. Here, try it. (shoves it in Liam's mouth) Little Liam: (with mouth full) Ermm..whatta I do with it? Little Paul: Breathe in, mate. Little Liam: (inhales; cheeks bulge) Little Paul: Now, breathe out. Little Liam: (does so) Aah.. Little Paul: That's a good lad. Little Liam: Can I have one of me own? Little Paul: Sorry mate, I'm all out. Ye can ask Noel though, he's got tons. Little Bonehead: (tugging on Paul's shirt) Little Paul: Oh Jesus Christ..he's soiled himself! Go on home Bonehead.. Little Bonehead: (waddles off) Little Liam: (counting to himself) 10, 9, 8, 7.. Little Patsy: What ya countin mate? Little Liam:..3, 2, 1 (evil grin) Little Noel: (from window) LIAM! Did you piss in me G&T??? Little Liam: Erm... Little Paul: Good work son..well Pats we must be goin now. G'day Liam. Little Patsy: (kisses Liam on the cheek) Bye sugar.. Little Liam: Bye ..(under breath) bloody whore..(Paul and Patsy drive off on moped) Mum: LIAM! Get in 'ere and clean yer room!!! Little Liam: Shite..(trudges in the house, walks upstairs) Little Noel: (blocks Liam from his room) Liam..You stay outta me fookin room! OUT! Little Liam: Awe fuck off..(pushes past him) Little Noel: Stupid bastard! (kicks him in the head) Little Liam: AYE! That hurt you fookin nipple!!! (bites Noel's ankle) Little Noel: SHITE!!! Mum: (from downstairs) LANGUAGE! Little Noel: (under his breath) Bloody dingo.. Little Liam: Unibrow with a fookin wobbly nose..(goes in his room and shuts the door) Little Noel: Hey! Stoopid pansy..(runs into bathroom and looks in the mirror) Fookin unibrow..(begins to pluck them) Little Liam: (reading porno in his room) Ooooh. Aaah. Well I never. (puffs on a ciggie that has Noel written on it in black marker) Bastard...he labels everything.. Little Patsy: (climbing in Liam's window) Little Liam: Erm....hi. Little Patsy: Hi I, Uh...seem to have left something here. Little Liam: In my room? Were you 'n' Paul shagging on my bed? Little Patsy: No..but I was hoping you and me could shag. Little Liam: A bit straightforward.. Little Patsy: No...no..I just know what I want. Anyways, does that bother you? Little Liam: No..want a ciggie first? Little Patsy: No thanks..bad fer me health. Little Liam: Alright. (pulls down his pants) Little Patsy: Gee..yer smaller than other guys I've encountered. Little Liam: I'm bloody 6 years old! Little Patsy: Oh yeah..sorry. Forget then. (takes off her shirt) Little Liam: Well yer saggy then.. Little Patsy: Well I'm 68! Little Liam: (nervous laugh) uh..haha. Little Patsy: Is this yer first time? (takes off her pants) Little Liam: Yes.No.What neckbrace? (shields his eyes a little) Little Patsy: (a little confused) Alright..let's begin. (lays down on the bed) Little Liam: (to himself) i will not regret this, i will not regret this..(lays down next to Patsy) Little Patsy: (strokes Liam's crotch) Mmm.. Little Liam: I will regret this! AAH!( hyperventilates) Little Patsy: Liam, you alright? (laughs) You nervous? Intimidated? Little Liam: No..it's just.. Little Patsy: Just..what? Little Liam: Just..(all in one breath) yer an ugly old cow (looks away) Little Patsy: Oh, is that all? (laughs) I know that! (pinches Liam's arse) Little Liam: aaAAH! (run's into Noel's room) NOEL! NO- (stops short; Noel is shagging Meg on the record player which is playing Red Rubber Ball and is skipping an awful lot) Little Noel: (looking over at Liam) Well what then Liam? Little Liam: Sh-sh-sh-she's even worse thsn P-p-patsy! Little Meg: What love? Little Liam: Uh duh..... Little Noel: Well are you gonna stand there with yer dick out or are you gonna join us? Little Liam: Wha-what? Join you? Little Noel: Yeah! A gangbang mate! You attack from the back! I've got the front covered! Little Liam: Ew mate. Now that's a bit disgusting! Little Meg: Oh please? Little Liam: Alright fine..but wait! How old are you, Meg? Little Meg: 13, why? Little Liam: Oooh *sigh of relief* Right then..let's go, right? Little Noel: Right.
END
Author's Note: Liam went on to be a fookin bastard with incredibly good looks and an arousing personality. Oh yeah, and he's also the lead singer for the bloody good band Oasis. Noel went on to write and do some singing for Oasis. Bonehead went on to be bald and be a guitarist in Oasis. Mum went on to be a mum. Paul went on to be a nobody. Meg went on to be kinda ugly and marry Noel. And Patsy..well..Patsy went on to marry Liam. She's still a complete bastard..and oh yeah...she still looks like a cow.
