A fun game: make a story on-the-fly...
By the folks at dreamtheater.net, January-February 2002
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 2:53:37 am)
I'm sure we've all done this at one point. I'll start a story by writing a couple of lines, and someone continues it for another couple of lines, and so on... Here we go:
He had a huge head and he knew everyone thought of him as a freak. His life, however, was an enjoyable one. [someone continue]
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SonicOverflow (1/31/02 2:56:00 am)
His mother and father had tried to humour him by saying that it meant he had greater mental capacity than normal 'small heads'.
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II ShadowGirl II (1/31/02 3:50:44 am)
Then he pointed down to his crotch area and asked "Even this small head, mama?"
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Chris Quartly (1/31/02 4:48:17 am)
"That's something you'll lean about later" said the mum, and with that the boy went off to the park to play with his friends....
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 10:53:20 am)
however... The kids there laughed at him too. All except a strange looking man on a bench. Now, normally a child would be immediately cautious, but his mother never told him not to talk to strangers because she was too busy re-assuring him that his head was just fine!
The man pulled something out of his bag...the boy gasped: It was an "Acme Head Shrinking Kit!"
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 11:38:22 am)
He turned away from the mysterious man to admire the small cardboard box. He inspected it up and down exciting over the prospect of becoming normal. But right when he turned around to thank the man, he had vanished.
Sadly he said "I didn't even get a chance to ask him if he had a penis enlarger..."
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los monster (1/31/02 11:40:01 am)
the man suddenly reappeared and said "Now look here boy, my name's Clemet Wysop and I'll sell ya this here head shrinkin' kit for the low low price of $49.95"
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 11:42:17 am)
"You drive a hard bargain Mr. Wysop, but I think I'd rather just grab the kit and run like hell!" The young boy conducts his masterful plan and runs from the park. But his head is too big....!
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los monster (1/31/02 11:53:44 am)
as he falls on his fat head, all the other kids in the park begin to laugh and point at our hero. sad and embarrassed, the boy begins to cry uncontrollably. Clemet Wysop, angered at this attempted thievery considers kicking our friends big fat melon head. when he reaches the boy, awash in his own tears, Clemet has a change of heart. he decides to give the boy the amazing head shrinking kit for free. well, almost. he decides to make a request of the boy at some point in the future, in exchange for the kit.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 11:58:12 am)
With a massive bruise on his massive head, the boy has lost all sense of reasoning and judgement, therefore mindlessly agrees to the deal....with the DEVIL!!! "ominous music plays"
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 12:04:44 pm)
In return for this Acme Head Shrinking Kit, our hero (named Cowboy Bob) has to hand over his firstborn son to the devil. He though "well, since my head is so big, and the other one so small, I'll probably never get laid anyways, so there won't be any worry of children!"
THIS IS WHERE HE WAS WRONG!!! The next day......
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kzduardo (1/31/02 12:09:59 pm)
...he woke up and found out his little brother had taken half of his kit...
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Child Of The Sun (1/31/02 12:19:14 pm)
...He didn't really mind, since his head now was smaller. He went into the kitchen and made some breakfast. Suddenly it started burning in the oven.....
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 12:27:05 pm)
Then he realized that it wasn't his breakfast burning...it was his brother!!! Apparently his brother had...
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ehorizon (1/31/02 12:27:25 pm)
His head was so small, that he couldn't even see it when he looked in the mirror. He didn't know what to do. He ran down stairs to his mom and.....
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 12:44:57 pm)
When his brother ran down the stairs in utter disgust over the size of his new head, he tripped and flew into the oven. Upon realizing what had happened, Cowboy Bob said top his mother "Momsy, I think our family is cursed!" Cleaning up the mess in the oven, she replied "Your grandaddy also had a big head, you know. The year was nineteen dickidi two...."
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Child Of The Sun (1/31/02 12:47:14 pm)
The neighbours came over and helped. The fire was gone, and so was Cowboy Bob's head. When all the other people were gone, the door-bell rang....
Cowboy Bob's parents weren't home, they were both working this Friday afternoon.
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ThXinc (1/31/02 12:47:41 pm)
...his brother had attempted to shrink his head by climbing in the oven. Cowboy Bob's mom had come into the kitchen asking "What the hell is that smell?" "It's Billy" Bob said. Mom looked perplexed as she could hear a voice but could not see from whence it came. Startled, she saw what appeared to be a headless little boy, Although now only the size of a golf ball. Now what to do?
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 12:57:27 pm)
The dad then walked into the kitchen and conveyed to the family his confusion over the whole matter. "Exactly who stuck his head in the oven????"
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InnerTurdulence(1/31/02 1:01:44 pm)
Cowboy Bob, in a desperate attempt to get his head to a normal size, called upon the Devil to try to figure out what was wrong. "Who hath summoned my evil presence???" asked the Devil.
"Ummm....It's me, Cowboy Bob. I used your head shrinking kit"
"Ahh...so you did. Your head is much smaller now. Glad I could help, but if you will please excuse me..."
"It's too small."
"What?" The Devil looked perplexed.
"I said it's too small! I wanted a normal sized head, not a small head."
"Well Acme doesn't make a kit for that. Acme and I worked out a legally binding contract, and I can't offer you any non-Acme kits. Sorry, Cowboy Bob...you might have to talk to Jesus about this one."
Heeding the Devil's advice, Cowboy Bob went to go visit Jesus...
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 1:08:04 pm)
While on his way to McDonalds, where Jesus worked as a dish washer, Cowboy Bob ran into the garbage collector, who had an interesting proposition for our small headed hero........
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Omega Monkey (1/31/02 1:24:08 pm)
"You give me your head, which I will sell to gypsys on the black shrunken head market, and I will give you this magical purple head of cabbage."
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 1:28:38 pm)
"What the hell will I do with a head made of cabbage" Cowboy Bob said bluntly to the garbage man, while he continued to McDonalds to find Jesus.......
Bob sat down at a table at McDonalds and awaited the divine one. "He'll tell me what to do!" he said confidently.
Suddenly, Jesus emerged from the kitchen in a ray of light, but this may just have been the greasy air making contact with a bit of sunlight.
"My Son, you need not worry about the size of your head.." Jesus said.
"Why shouldn't I?" asked Bob
"Because, the small size of you head surely makes up for the increased size of your.....tool."
"My what...??" asked Bob, more confused than ever, until he looked down at his crotch.......
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los monster (1/31/02 1:52:36 pm)
thanks to Jesus, cowboy bob now had a blue-vein throbber the size of a babies arm. but that was not the only thing to grow. maybe it was the steroids in the Quarter Pounder bob had eaten while waiting for jesus to get his well deserved dishwashing break. maybe it was just the awesome power of dishwashin' JESUS. maybe we'll never know. but what we do know it that at that moment, cowboy bob ceased to be a little big headed boy with a small unit and was now a big little headed man with a big unit.
perhaps by coincidence. perhaps there are larger forces at play, but just as bob was discovering his newfound size(s), none other than Ron Jeremy also happened to be at said McDonald's feasting on a slew of BigMacs; seated right across from bob.
Bobs life was about to take a turn for the better...........
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 1:57:21 pm)
"Yes, that is right" said Jesus, as he peered down at his now-super-sized crotch.
"How did you do that?" Cowboy Bob asked.
"It's simple" replied the Divine one, "all heads are the same in God's eyes. You used to have a giant head. Well, you still do, right?"
"Wow...that's amazing. Thanks, Jesus!"
"Oh and one more thing...take this happy meal box. I've made it look like a regular person's head. Wear this box over your head at all times. You'll get used to it, I promise."
And all was good; and there was much rejoicing, for it was the next day that Cowboy Bob, now well-equipped in many a way, received his first sexual encounter...
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 2:00:49 pm)
"Bob," said Mr. Jeremy "I'm about to film an all new porn flic entitled "Big Blue-vein Throbbers the size of a Baby's Arm", and I could use for help!"
Cowboy Bob didn't know what to say... "I'll have to ask my mommy's permission first!!"
Bob wore the Happy Meal box home on his head, so the kids would fail to notice him and surely make fun of him. Still considering Ron Jeremy's business proposition, he confronted his mother.
"Mommy, I wanna star in a porn flic." said Bob Billy, still largely burned from his encounter with the oven said "Can I be in it too!"
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 2:12:45 pm)
His mother instantly snapped back "No, Billy, go away...this is a private conversation." Then to Cowboy Bob: "who else is going to be in this porn? Where are you going to be filming it? When will you be home? I'm making squash casserole tomorrow so you can't be out late..."
Then as she looked downward and noticed what she thought to be a baby's arm poking down his pants she said "What has Ron Jeremy done to you? Oh no...this is bad."
Bob immediately replied "Oh Jesus did it. It's to balance my heads out."
"Oh, thank heavens. You know, for a homeless guy, Jesus sure is nice."
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 2:16:20 pm)
Bob's dad then walked in, noticing the "baby's arm" right off the bat, and raged out of the house yelling "Jesus Christ!".
The mom then turned to Bob and said "I think he's jealous!" (I gotta get my head outta the gutter.. )
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ThXinc (1/31/02 2:34:33 pm)
Now, Dishwashin Jesus, having heard his name called from down the street came gliding down the sidewalk much like the ghost in the earlier thread with the spooky room with a mattress... Dad, not knowing who this guy was, haulin' ass down the sidewalk at him without moving his feet, became concerned and ran into the house to grab a shotgun.
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Child Of The Sun (1/31/02 2:39:29 pm)
when he tried to find the shotgun, he only found a watergun. He just remembered that he traded the shotgun for a pack of bubblegum many years ago. He grabbed the watergun and ran out on the sidewalk.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 2:43:13 pm)
Meanwhile, as the suspenseful conflict between Jesus and the dad begins, Bob heads over to the penthouse of Ron Jeremy for the filming of the porn flick "Big Blue-vein Throbbers the size of a Baby's Arm." ....but along the way he meets Cindy, the girl of his dreams!
'Oh if only I didn't have such a small head!' Bob thinks to himself. Suddenly he remembers the Happy Meal box he is wearing!
"Sweet Jesus!" he shouts.
"Excuse me?" asks Cindy
"Oh nothing....am I sexy or am I SEXAY!?"
Cindy rolls her eyes and walks along past him. But she turns around and.........
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 3:16:54 pm)
Cowboy Bob was so happy when he arrived at Ron Jeremy's secret pad and saw that Kobe Tai and Jenna Jameson had been waiting for him and Ron Jeremy to return. They immediately noticed the "baby's arm" and thanked Ron Jeremy for bringing such a well-endowed cowboy to the filmings.
-Meanwhile-
Jesus, having been sprayed down with a watergun for the past few minutes, throws hot greasy fries all over Cowboy Bob's dad, thus burning him. As the dad lies crying on the ground,...
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 3:26:32 pm)
....Cindy comes along to help him off the ground. "Oh, thank you little girl...I think Jesus is actually the devil! Praise the Lord you came and saved me from Satan's wrath of hot greasy french fries!" the dad said still crying.
"I couldn't care less if you burned to death, I just wanted something to eat! And by the way, tell that freak son of yours to stay the hell away from me!" Cindy then walked off in a huff.
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 3:40:19 pm)
The next day, our hero woke up sore as hell! All that lovin' on the set of that porn really took it outta him. Then he remembered....
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 3:49:30 pm)
...the words of the devil. "I will take your first born son!" for the deal in which he acquired the ACME Head Shrinking kit.
"Oh no! What if I got that broad pregnant!" he screamed. Suddenly the devil appeared!
"Mwhahahahahahaha! You little small headed twerp! Your first born is MINE!" The devil then vanished. Cowboy Bob sat quietly in bed and thought to himself........
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los monster (1/31/02 4:25:50 pm)
---meanwhile back at the ranch, err.....Cowboy bob's parents house---
cowboy bill is suffering from a bit of depression. he is burned and disfigured, his brother bob won't allow him star in his porn movies and his dad is also burned and unable to work. all in all, things look pretty bleak.
that's when the idea hits Al (bob and bill's dad).
"son, maybe that greasy fry throwing fiend wasn't Satan after all, maybe it really was Jesus!"
"uhhh, dad, put down the crack pipe", said cowboy bill
"no, really son. you know how they say Jesus works in mysterious ways"
"yeah"
"well, I've got it! when he threw those hot greasy fries on me, he was really giving me a great idea and a great opportunity" said cowboy Al cowboy al then explained to his son, that by recalling Cindy's actions, he had seen the light.
see, in front of Cindy was a man writhing in agony and some really hot greasy fries. what ultimately drew Cindy's attention?? why the fries of course!!
"we'll start us a business, selling hot and greasy fries. in fact we'll make them super spicy and call them 'Satan's Hot & Greasy Fries'! ", said dad.
"yeah, dad! and we can take our slogan directly from Cindy's words: 'I couldn't care less if you burned to death, I just wanted something to eat!' ", said cowboy bill "we can't lose"
Armed with a superior product and a catchy slogan, the burned father and son headed forth on their quest to become kings of fast food.
I couldn't care less if you burned to death, I just wanted something to eat!
Satan's Hot & Greasy Fries --opening soon near you!! --for franchising information, call cowboy al at 1-800-Burnt-Al
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 4:33:33 pm)
so... Dad and Son walk hand in hand to register their business. Unfortunately, on the way, a massive spaceship swooped down and whisked the two males to another galaxy, promising to bring them back in 9 months. "But that's when the baby will be born and Satan will take it!" Cried cowboy bob. "Will we be back in time to save the day, and what will befall us in this distant galaxy?" Bob looked out the window and saw only stars.
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 4:38:12 pm)
Within a week, the test results were in. KOBE TAI was pregnant!
Cowboy Bob didn't know what to do, so he went to McDonald's and had a heart-to-heart with Jesus.
"Well, Jesus, I just didn't think I would be having a kid this soon."
"You know, Cowboy Bob, you have certainly shown a lot of responsibility. BUT I think I have a better idea. You need to find a way to trick Satan into thinking it's really HIS baby. If you can get him to believe you, he won't want it anyway."
"Why wouldn't he want his own baby?"
"Well, have you ever met Satan's children? I'll just put it this way...they're not the kind of kids you would want to babysit."
"Oh ok I think I understand. But how could I trick Satan into thinking it's his baby?" Jesus's answer was brilliant:
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 4:43:10 pm)
Jesus says: "I thought you were in space???"
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 4:43:29 pm)
...Jesus said "Next time you see Satan, you tell him that you must have been possessed by him while in the sack with the porn chick."
"Oh yeah, you know I think you're right! I probably was possessed while doing the deed!" said Bob, excited over the scheme but damn well knowing just how hot things got on that pad the other night......
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 4:47:26 pm)
With that Jesus vanished, leaving Bob alone in space with his Dad. They knew how to trick Satan, but how would they do it stuck in this distant galaxy?
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 4:48:45 pm)
Sam, you're confusing Bill with Bob. Bob is the main character, Bill is his brother. Both Bill and the Dad (Al??) have been horribly burned and have now, as you wrote, been abducted by aliens.
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los monster (1/31/02 4:50:35 pm)
they were already 20 light years away before the aliens realised that they had not nabbed cowboy bob, but cowboy bill , bob's little brother. it was the scarring from the oven burns he received earlier that gave it away.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 4:57:15 pm)
Unable to go back, due to the fact that Bob was hanging around with Jesus the almighty greasy fry slinger, they decided to anal probe Bill instead.
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 5:09:29 pm)
What they found in his ass was breath-taking!
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 5:12:50 pm)
Out popped Jesus, the Saint of all Saints here to rescue the day for Cowboy Al and his charred, small headed, and rectified son Bill!
"Jesus!" yelled Cowboy Al "First you gave me fast food inspiration, and now you will save us from these horrible aliens! We are your slaves!"
Al and Bill bow down to Jesus.
"Nobody gives me this much respect as McDonalds....Now lets go, we have to help Bob defeat Satan!!!!"
And off they went back to Earth........
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 5:16:51 pm)
Sorry about getting mixed up back there, there's too many characters with similar names...and the fact that we are all writing it...
BTW, this is the coolest thread in years, here. We need to get this one up to about 1000 posts, the story is really wacky so far!
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 5:17:23 pm)
They rode on Jesus' back as he flew back to Earth like Superman.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 5:27:43 pm)
Okay, Meanwhile, back on our green planet, Bob again meets up with Cindy. Nervous, he tries to talk with her
"Ughhh, Hi..Cindy. How ya doin?"
"I couldn't care less if you burned to death, I just wanted something to eat!" said Cindy
"what?" Bob was confused.
"I couldn't care less if you burned to death, I just wanted something to eat!" said Cindy again
"Ummm...okay, I think I'll leave.." Bob backed away.
"I couldn't care less if you burned to death, I just wanted something to eat!" said Cindy over and over again until she exploded.
"By golly, Cindy was a fembot, sent by Dr. Evil, Satans main hench man!" Bob quickly ran away to find some help. Where was Jesus????
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 5:34:08 pm)
Bob went home and sat on his bed. Just then, Jesus crashed through his wall with his father and brother!
"Hello Earthling!" said Jesus. "Huh?" Bob asked. "Nevermind, we need to..."
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 5:44:20 pm)
"We need to think of a plan!" exclaimed the saviour.
"What for?" Papa Al questioned. Cowboy Bob explained how they needed to trick Satan into thinking the baby was his.
"I've got an idea" said Papa Al. "We'll take Cindy, the broken fembot, to a mechanic and get her fixed. We can dress her up and make her look like Kobe Tai, and then we'll send her to seduce Satan into a night of wild passion. Then, when Satan finds out that Kobe Tai is pregneant, he'll think the baby is his!!!"
So they went to work...
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los monster (1/31/02 5:47:22 pm)
-"Nevermind, we need to..."
"make a butt load of pot brownies!" said bob "oh yeah, and then hatch our plan to trick satan/clemet wysop." "quick! call Ron Jeremy!" hollered Jesus
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 5:48:07 pm)
Hold it!" Jesus said "we need to go back to McDonalds!"
"Why?" Bob asked.
"My boss will kill me if I'm late for work..." Jesus said, looking worried.
"By Jesus, Jesus....You're Jesus, for Christ sake!" yelled Cowboy Al.
"Yeah, but Mr. Evil is one bad manager..."
"Golly!" yelled Bob, "DR. EVIL!!!"........
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 5:54:54 pm)
But before they could spring into action, they all smoked a few joints. After a few hours of laughing, Jesus remembered that they had work to do and that he was late for work!
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 5:55:15 pm)
lol
I think I found my new sig!
"By Jesus, Jesus....You're Jesus, for Christ sake" - Cowboy Al
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 5:56:07 pm)
I laughed hard when I read that...
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 5:58:35 pm)
Jesus arrived late for work. His boss screamed at him, and Jesus retorted: " I am the messiah!!!!!" To which is boss replied: " You're not the messiah; you're a very naughy boy!"
Fired and stoned, Jesus walked the streets.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 6:02:02 pm)
"I'm gonna get my revenge on that Dr. Evil!" cried Jesus when he again met up with the boys. "Hows things coming?"
Bob replied while tinkering with the old Fembot. "Wellz, I'z gotsa doohikcy herez in place" *chews some mechanic-brand tobbacco*"Weez just about ready to rip!"
"You gonna help us defeat Satan, Jesus?" asked Billy.
"Sorry little buddy" Jesus rubs up Billys blackened hair "I have some BUSINESS to attend to......."
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 6:02:47 pm)
So he lit up another joint. And this wasn't just any pot, it was holy pot.
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 6:06:52 pm)
Since Jesus was fired from McDonald's, he decided to become a full-time messiah.
Cowboys Bob, Billy, and Al, and Messiah Christ (he changed his name after he was fired) got quickly to work on the plan. They found the broken fembot, fixed it up real nice and purdy, and programmed it to meet Satan at his house:
Satan McLucifer, 1 Hell Street, Hell City, Hell 666, Hell
That night, Cindy got Satan extremely drunk, and seduced him multiple times before exploding while he was asleep. Satan woke the next morning, aroused, confused, hung over, and, most of all, PREGNANT!!!
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 6:07:27 pm)
"Ahhhh!" Jesus sighs as he exhales the smoke. "Now, onto the real business.." Jesus leaves and goes back to McDonalds where he flips out at his old boss Dr. Evil.
"No! No! Nooooooo!" cries the boss, as he is dosed with greasy goo from the deep fryer.
"Taking care of business!...Taking care of business!" Jesus sings......
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 6:11:06 pm)
Satan was pissed, to say the least. So Satan challenged Jesus to a fight at the flagpole after church on Sunday.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 6:12:15 pm)
With his old boss out of the way, Jesus was quick to accept the fight.
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 6:13:17 pm)
So Jesus smoked another joint and listened to some Tom Petty.
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (1/31/02 6:20:59 pm)
when the petty disc finished.. Jesus realized he would have to go covert. He couldn't be called Messiah or Christ, so he changed his name again, to Brian
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 6:21:35 pm)
When Jesus finally got to the church, there was no sign of Satan, only a strange man sitting on a nearby bench.
"Excuse me good sir, have you seen Satan?" asked Jesus
"No, my well manicured man, I have not, but would you consider sticking your fingers in this Chinese finger trap?"
Jesus thought for a few seconds. 'Sounds harmless enough...." So he stuck his fingers in it.........
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 6:40:53 pm)
*bump*
Come on, folks. Lets keep this story moving!
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InnerTurdulence (1/31/02 7:02:26 pm)
With Brian's fingers in the fingertrap, the strange man morphed to SATAN and revealed all he knew.
"I knew you were trying to trick me! So I decided to trick you!!!"
"SATAN??? What are you doing in a Church?" asked Jesus/ Brian
"Haha oh ye of little tomfoolery...I knew you would be here. I had to stop you, and your cowboy friends too! I knew that was a fembot. I also knew about the baby. That's why I'M CARRYING THE BABY IN MY ANAL CAVITY!!!"
"Why would you carry it in your anal cavity?" Jesus questioned in disgust.
"Because...I'M SATAN!!! The baby is mine now! And nobody can stop me!!!"
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 8:10:13 pm)
Okay, I'm back...
The clouds of PleasantVille were quickly starting to cover the skies. The Cowboys knew something was wrong.
"Get out ya horses, boys! Troubles a' brewing o'er the old church!" yelled out Cowboy Al.
"What the hell did daddy just say, Bob?" asked Bill
"I think dad's getting down to his cow-poke roots, brother!" exclaimed Bob.
The three Cowboys ran down to the garage and pulled out three horses, hoisted themselves up to the saddle, and took off down the street. Before riding off into the sunset, Bob was able to give his porn star chick one final kiss goodbye.
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 8:41:06 pm)
When they arrived at the church, they found Satan, not Jesus, with his fingers in the trap. Satan was crying as he could not defeat the finger puzzle. "What the hell?" said Bob. "Don't ask," replied the son of God. "Speaking of God," interrupted the narrator, "where has he been in this story?"
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 8:43:16 pm)
Suddenly the space aliens arrived back on earth. Confused, and basically racked up from the wrath of Jesus, the aliens revert to bowing down to Jesus for mercy.
"Well, well! Alien friends, please perform an anal probe on our good friend Satan, and REMOVE THE CHILD!!!"
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moonman9j9 (1/31/02 8:48:17 pm)
So the aliens began their work.
A disgusted look appeared on the alien surgeon's face. "WHAT THE HELL???" it screamed. "This is no human child, it's a..."
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Entropy4 (1/31/02 8:59:22 pm)
...a rather large eggplant...
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 9:00:40 pm)
"Look, it's an eggplant!" said the doctor alien.
"No, dig down further, you'll find something VERY interesting!" said Satan
And out it popped.... "It's the Fembot Cindy! But I thought..." exclaimed Bob
"Mwahahahahaha!" laughed Satan "You thought she self destructed in bed with me? That's only what the narrator of this backwards story thought!" It seems that Cindy in fact, while making passionate love to the devil, got lost somewhere up his fat ass. Here, she remained for days, mutating into an ultra-evil Fembot "....with laser eyes" added Satan.
"Prepare to die, Cowboys!!!!" laughs Satan as the Cindy Fembot powers up her lasers.
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Ktulu90 (1/31/02 9:17:19 pm)
Cowboy Bob grabbed the eggplant and hid behind the church while Fembot Cindy started to spray the skies with beams of red and blue laser beams. "What are you going to do with that?" asked Jesus.
Bob replied "I'm gonna........"
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ThXinc (1/31/02 11:59:49 pm)
..stuff this eggplant in the tailpipe of that 76 Monte Carlo so you can jack the hubcaps!!" Bob said with an evil grin.
"Oh, yeah" Jesus said. "I almost forgot about my appointment s with Rosy at the pawn shop."
Jesus, looking for a zigzag in his jeans, was reminded of his earlier plan to get a hook up....
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moonman9j9 (2/1/02 2:34:47 am)
"I'm gonna..."
"Eat it!"
Suddenly, a festive atmosphere broke out. Gloria Estafan rose from the ground and gave an impromptu concert. Streamers and confetti fell from the sky as crowds amassed to watch the show. Satan, Cindy, Bill, Bob, Jesus, Al and the aliens danced in unison as the music played. And then, the last thing that should've happen happened...
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Chris Quartly (2/1/02 10:22:10 am)
Barbara Streisand rose from Hell and ate everybody at the concert....
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Ktulu90 (2/1/02 10:40:56 am)
Despite this, the party continued within the gut of Barbara Streisand.
Suddenly Helen Hunt appears from around the church, and Barb and Helen get into a cat fight. At just the moment that Helen Hunt is about to be defeated by the high shrill of Barbs voice, Aaron aka drunkmule, rushes out and stabs Barbara with the Sceptre of Osiris. The day is saved our drunkmule, Helen, and our cowboy heroes, who have made peace with their rocking friends Satan and fembot Cindy...... But the conflict is not over........
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (2/1/02 11:34:42 am)
what they didn't realise...
...is that Satan secretly had a child, should he be defeated or bested in any way. Deep within the dark fiery caves of Texas (of which some call hell), Satan's child has hatched a most evil plot...
The plan is to....
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Chris Quartly (2/1/02 11:53:30 am)
....walk into the city centre with a blackboard and run his nails down it......using a giant megaphone to amplify the sound.....
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Ktulu90 (2/1/02 11:53:32 am)
Option B.....
....or invent a large light-ray machine which will punch a whole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we call the "Ozone Layer". With this massive "laser", radiation from the sun will leak into the planet and destroy all living creatures, unless.........he is paid a hefty ransom.......
But everyone knows this plan is terribly out of date, but that's what Satans son gets for running away from his father at such a young age and becoming ignorant to the current state of world affairs.....
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Ktulu90 (2/1/02 11:56:31 am)
So the son of Satan decides to conduct his blackboard scheme........
"Oh no!" scream the cowboys "I have a feeling Satan's son will go into the city centre, and scratch his fingernails on a chalk board!"
"Oh dear Lucifer!!" cried Satan "That's maddening...even 'I' wouldn't do something so evil!!"
Cowboy Bob begins to cry "All I ever wanted was a normal sized head! How could things have gotten so out of hand??" *sob, sob*
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (2/1/02 1:47:48 pm)
So the cowboys and satan travel to the town centre to intercept Satan's son (Scott Satan McLucifer). However, little did they know of the adventures that would befall them before they reached the centre...
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moonman9j9 (2/1/02 2:12:35 pm)
As they ventured to the city centre, they were approached by a tall, thin man in a yellow hat who was accompanied by a small monkey. It was a curious monkey...
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Ktulu90 (2/1/02 4:55:35 pm)
....who could play the drum beat with his two feet, play an accordion using his hands, and smash a cymbol on his head using his tail. The group was SO entertained by this outrageous monkey that they failed to see the danger approaching from behind them.......
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Manic Badger (2/1/02 5:36:50 pm)
..a danger....
...in the shape of a really big key. With legs.
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The Stormcrow (2/1/02 6:16:28 pm)
Meanwhile in the city center........
Scott McLucifer is having a little trouble getting his megaphone working. "Blast it!" he yelled in disgust. "Whenever i try to conceive a master plan, i always have SOME difficulty."
::he yells some more and throws the megaphone down and stomps on it.::
All of a sudden a hideous roar arises behind him....
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moonman9j9 (2/1/02 7:26:08 pm)
Satan's nemesis, Gorgotron, arose from the Earth to exact his revenge.
"Whoa, whoa," shouted the narrator, "how can I gain any respect in this industry telling a story like this??"
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Generic Sam Moore 34 B (2/1/02 7:35:42 pm)
Gorgotron did cry: "Actually the English spelling is CENTRE"
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moonman9j9 (2/1/02 10:05:13 pm)
Re: Gorgotron did cry:
Doesn't the story take place in the US?
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InnerTurdulence (2/1/02 10:42:26 pm)
Re: Gorgotron did cry: Nope...actually, MoonMan, these are European cowboys, the likes of which have never been seen.
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 1:44:00 am)
Re: Gorgotron did cry:
Really? I thought they were Canadian cowboys!
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 1:50:07 am)
Anyways, While Gorgotron is quickly listing out all the grammatical errors of the story to Scott McLucifer, the cowboys, Jesus, and Satan go to a Taco Time, craving a little bit of the mexican gourmet. This multi day ordeal of head shrinking, french fry slinging, anal probing, and Barbara Striesand digesting, had put a great big hole in their stomachs. The fellas ditched the Cindy Fembot at the nearest garbage dumpster, where it is believed she ran off with a handsome looking vacuum cleaner named Kirby.
Jesus decides to look for another job, and approaches the manager of the Taco Time, only to find _________ working at the store. Who did he find????????
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moonman9j9 (2/2/02 2:07:59 am)
PeeWee Herman PeeWee, however, tells Jesus that he cannot be paid in money. Instead, he must be paid in bikes. You know, the kind on the PeeWee movie...
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 2:13:25 am)
Our story goes back to Gorgotran, or whatever, and Scott McLucifer. Eventually, right when Gorgo is explaining to Scott another one of the many errors associated with this two-bit excuse for a story, Scott fixes his megaphone problem and screams into Gorgos ears, making him pass out on the street.
"Hehehehehe!" Scott tries to laugh a sinister-type laugh "Now I will begin my terror strike!" Scott readies his razor sharp fingernails on top of the blackboard and........
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moonman9j9 (2/2/02 2:15:25 am)
John Petrucci crashes through the wall and kicks his ass. He then breaks into an 8-minute solo so amazing that Steve Vai falls from the sky. Why? I don't really know....
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 2:20:47 am)
Scott tries to recover from his fall, but is easily deafened and overall mind numbed by the greatest of John's solo work. He crawls to his megaphone, reaches into his pocket and retrieves a casette tape of of the works of Pantera. "You want noise? Here's a bit of noise for ya, stupid earthlings!" yells out Scott Just as he is about to wreak more havok on the planet, the city centre is shaken by a massive explosion.
"Holly jumping Johns!" cries John Petrucci "That came from Taco Time!" It seems a gas explosion caused the restaurant to explode. Now, who could have possibly done this....?
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The Stormcrow (2/2/02 12:02:11 pm)
JP and Steve Vai raced to Taco Time only to find fire and ash in place of the beautifully decorated mexican restaurant. "Damn, we were too late," John muttered Then all of a sudden Steve yells in surprise "Wait John! Who is that?!" The two virtuosos see figures stepping out from the destruction......
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Wommis the Untouchable (2/2/02 12:14:28 pm)
Ohh man. I feel bad for not helping out in the beginning, this is great!!!! Not only do we notice our hero's are the only survivors, but coming from the other side of the wreckage was the Real Thundercats!
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Sparkleman 3d (2/2/02 12:54:24 pm)
".....large demented Mexican squirrels, purely for research purposes only, and to aid use in our....."
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 3:43:53 pm)
Okay, this is getting fucked up!
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 3:49:40 pm)
"....quest against our eternal nemesis, the Zoom-zoom kid from those blasted TV car commercials!" said the ThunderCat guys.
"Well," said Cowboy Bob. "So far this story has had big-headed freaks, fembots, and famous guitar players....why not introduce some more mutated freaks?"
Suddenly, from the wreckage of the Taco Time, the large minion of mutated mexican squirrels emerge. PeeWee Herman, manager of the former joint, is quickly eaten by the pack. Jesus starts to cry, but realises that the chain of command now puts him in charge of the Taco Time franchise...somehow.
"We will rebuild this empire, from the ground up!" cries Jesus in perhaps the most emotional scene in this story yet. The Cowboys depart Jesus forever, although he would always be within there hearts..........
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moonman9j9 (2/2/02 4:01:48 pm)
And so, as the cowboys walk into the sunset, leaving the burned building and Jesus behind, our story comes to a gentle close. In later years, CEO Jesus builds the Taco chain into a world power. It is known as Microsoft.
OK, someone write all that in story format!
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Ktulu90 (2/2/02 4:03:29 pm)
I think it's fine as it is. Hollywood material in fact! Should we start a new one?
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