[Smile... it could be YOU!... :)]

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk 
noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit 
card.  She informed me that she could not complete the transaction 
unless the card was  signed.  When I asked why, she explained that 
it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the 
signature I just signed on the receipt. 

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared 
that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have 
it, they matched.

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Warning! 

At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank 
card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't know how to 
orient your card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout 
person will say, "Strip down, face toward me." 

Editor's Note: Am I wrong, or is this just asking for trouble?
 
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A customer at a sub shop ordered "a small soda." The owner responded, 
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have small, just medium and large."  
(Both cost 99 cents.)  The kicker came when the customer, a rather
 well-dressed business type, disappointedly said, "Okay, I guess I'll
 just have to have the medium then."

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Idiots and Geography:

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, 
I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss
 said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?"

Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it
was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?" 

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Advice for Idiots: 
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety 
Handbook for Employees."

"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." 

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Idiots in the Neighborhood 
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal 
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
them to cross there.

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Idiots and Computers: 
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central 
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when 
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call
from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:

"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"

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Idiots Are Easy To Please 
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented 
that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab 
partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained
to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount
of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed. 

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Idiots In Food Services
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the 
individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, 
but they only had iceberg. 
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Idiots Do Math: 
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for 
the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, 
thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's
how I always remember." 

So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat...So every year that 
you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and 
then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years. 

[I told ya, "Idiots ... Everywhere! ... :)]