Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

              I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

        A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank  her.

            What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

                                --W.C. Fields



            The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

                              --Humphrey Bogart