SHE SAT ON MY FACE AND NEVER GOT UP!
You look like a Monet
Real good from far away
When I got up close to see
Who you're not supposed to be
The Li'l Fucker Gazette
Hello Boys and Girls,
In this week's issue:
HEADLINES
BANDS OMF IS TRYING TO SIGN A TOUR WITH
COMMIE TRIVIA!
THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR
FAN MAIL
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
WHERE ARE OMF NOW AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
HEADLINES
Rumo(u)rs abound of a new member within OMF's ranks. While OMF has not
officially commented on the rumo(u)rs, strange occurrences have been
noted within the ranks. Before he disappeared, Teutonic Thunder was
interviewed in Munich, Germany, where he was quoted about any new
members: "For asking that question, when the Rock 'n Roll Revolution
comes, you will not be spared." Mr. E was unavailable for comment and
Dick Harding was in the North Atlantic, filming his next film,
"TIT-tanic: The Women Go Down On The Captain".
The inside scoop is that the new member may be either Dee Dee Ramone or
Dino Sex, the Naked Drummer. Dee Dee Ramone claimed earlier in the year
that he was looking for a band "where he wouldn't have a lot of
responsibility" and Dino was looking for a band that would provide him
"with a good vinyl seat". Neither were available for comment. So this is
still, in the words of Mr. E, "a mystery".
BANDS OMF IS TRYING TO SIGN A TOUR WITH
1) Chuck E. Cheese's One and Only "Rock a Fire Explosion"
2) Dr. Teeth and Electric Mayhem
3) The band from the show California Dreams
4) A.C.
5) Crucial Taunt (the band from Wayne's World)
6) Winger
7) The band from Kids Incorporated
8) Hulk Rules
9) The Murder Junkies ...... Band!
10) Sny Snoodles and the Max Rebo Band
11) Chemical Imbalance
12) The Fat Boys
13) Lita Ford
COMMIE TRIVIA!
The answers to these questions will be posted in the next issue of The
Li'l Fucker Gazette. Send you answers via e-mail care of this magazine
to:jmking@ilstu.edu. The Li'l Fucker ho gets the most right will win
a *prize* signed by the members of OMF.
1) Who, along with Friedrich Engels, was the traditional founder of
Communism?
2) Name this senator from Wisconsin who attenpted to purge America of
Communist influences during the 1950's.
3) Who was the leader of the Bolshevik party in Russia during 1917?
4) Give another name that this very famous Communist, Josef
Vissarionich Dzugashvili, went under.
5) Name the Communist leader in between Khrushchev and Chernenko that
had even bigger eyebrows than Jason King does.
6) What early 20th century political figure led the American Communist
Party?
7) Are you, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party?
8) Name 2 cities in the Former Soviet Union that were renamed during the
Communist Era.
9) Name two pejorative names given to a Communist.
10) Which Communist was such a famous partier that he crashed partied
after he was thrown out of the highest office of power in the Former
Soviet Union? (I'm not making this question up, I swear it happened!)
And now, the Final Jeopardy Question .....
10) This former communist was killed in Mexico when his skull was broken
THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR
Hi. One thing I noticed today that bothered me on a philosophical level
was a statement written by one of those politically correct
motherfuckers. It said "Be Intolerant about Intolerance." This amused me
on a philosophical level, because I don't see the difference between
being intolerant towards a group of minority-hating white trash
accidents and being intolerant towards people who are intolerant
towards minorities themselves.
Why don't I see the difference? Well, have you ever read "The Idiot" by
Fyodor Dostoyevsky? I did a long time
ago. One of the things that struck me about this book was the main
character's stance towards the Death Penalty. My thoughtson the Death
Penalty aside, he stated that he believed that the Death Penalty was
terrible, in fact the main character believed it was worse than
murder itself, because it justifies killing in the name of killing.
Perhaps the next time you feel pissed off when someone calls someone a
"nigger" or a "faggot", remember that the solution to bigotry and
intolerance is not intolerance itself. After all, in the words of
the Lebanese poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran, "What is evil but good
parched of its own thirst?" Do you think people are intolerant because
they are inherently evil or because they have just been misguided
somewhere along the way? I tend to think more of the latter. I believe
the key to ending intolerance is through understanding and education,
not by acting in accordance with the very thing you hate, only inversed.
Questions? Comments? Thoughts? Write the editor at jmking@ilstu.edu.
If
you want it published in the next issue maybe it will be.
FAN MAIL
I don't have any, because our li'l fuckers haven't been writing us
*sniff*. If you want to get published in the next Li'l Fucker Gazette
let me know and send me something, anything, I don't give a shit what it
is. Send to jmking@ilstu.edu . Thanks.
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
Howdy ho li'l fuckers! I'm taking a special poll as to who you think
the "original" Motherfucker was. Was it, in fact, Oedipus? Or is that
just because of a lack of historical sources and a historiographical
conspiracy? Was it that wacky Emperor of Rome, Caligula? Was it Cain or Abel? Or was it someone else? Write in and let me know who you think.
The best answer will be
adopted as the "original" Motherfucker and will win a *special* prize to
boot! Send all entries to: jmking@ilstu.edu.
WHERE ARE THEY AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
MR. E is currently on a book-signing tour throught North America and
Asia Minor. His new book, "The Man With a Vision, Bro: My Adventures
with Archie Rutledge", has been at the top of the charts for 18 weeks
now.
DICK HARDING is currently in the North Atlantic filming his magnum opus
film, "TIT-tanic: The Women Went Down on the Captain".
"THE FOURTH REICH" TEUTONIC THUNDER is currently missing.
His last known whereabouts were in Astoria, Oregon, where he was
searching for treasure. Before his disappearance, he claimed, "I have
the key to One-Eyed Willie." If any Li'l Fuckers have any information on
his whereabouts, please contact the editor of this gazette at this
e-mail address.
E-mail OMF because they love mail from all their li'l fuckers! Please
sent them some, you know you wanna! Please please please!
Mr. E : endless3@hotmail.com
Dick Harding: creon@interlync.com
"The Fourth Reich" Teutonic Thunder: jmking@ilstu.edu
If you would like an article published in the Li'l Fucker Gazette please
send it to: jmking@ilstu.edu and I will see about getting it in.
NEXT ISSUE:
TALK LIKE AN ECONOMIST!
Hey, you! Yes, you! Have you ever wanted to expand your jargon language
so no one can understand what the hell you're saying? Would you like to
find synonyms for happiness such as "derived utility"? Well, then,
perhapes you should learn to TALK LIKE AN ECONOMIST!
This and much more in the next action-packed issue of the Li'l Fucker
Gazette.
And remember, to all you li'l fuckers: Incest is Best. Keep it in the
Family.
Hello all you L'il Fuckers. Welcome to the newest issue of the Gazette. Hope you enjoy.
IN THIS ISSUE
I. OMF NEWS
II. RUMORS
III. VOTE VOTE VOTE
IV. SPECIAL- MR. E GUITAR LESSON
V. FAN MAIL
VI. OMF REPORT
VII CLOSING COMMENTS
OMF NEWS
OMF has currently been working on new material for thier upcoming album.
OMF hope's to hit the studio to begin recording, but delays are abound.
To comment on the delays we contacted OMF's newest member The Artist
Formerly Known As Troy (TAFKAT) and OMF's master of the backbeat 4th
Reich Teutonic Thunder. "We've been having problems finding a studio to
fit our needs. With the tremendous strain we put out when recording
alot of the studios fall short." according to TAFKAT.
Thunder replies "Yeah, we were looking at Electric Ladyland, and they
couldn't fit our needs. Also we tried Abbey Road Studios, but they
aren't powerful enough."
"But we think we have found a studio that could fit our needs. It's in
Chicago, and I believe it was called Video Playground" TAFKAT added.
"It's a hidden gem of a studio. It's in the back of a little video
store, and so far it fits our needs." adds Thunder
So I guess look forward to a new release from the OMF boys, tentatively
titled "Greatest Tits"
Another delay that OMF has been running into is keeping track of the
other 2 members. Dick Harding has had a hectic shooting schedule lately
that has been conflicting with band intrests. And Mister E has been
fairly elusive. See rumors column for more details
RUMORS
There have been rumored sightings of Mister E entering a treatment
center in Nevada for his rumored addiction to nutmeg. If this is true,
let's send out prayers with him.
Even through these turbulent times, OMF is trying to schedule a holiday
blowout show in December. Will keep you posted.
GUITAR LESSON
Alright we are pleased to have one of the last communications from Mr.
E before he disappeared (rehab center?). We are doubly fortunate due to
the fact that it's a guitar lesson from him, so we have some insight on
E before he disappeared (rehab center?). We are doubly fortunate due to
the fact that it's a guitar lesson from him, so we have some insight on
his body-slamming style of playing. So without further ado, here's the
lesson:
So you L'il Fuckers wanna play like the almighty Mr. E? OK. Well lets
first address your look. The most important part of playing rock
'n roll is the look. If your look is shit, so will your playing.
The next thing is your guitar. Your guitar has to fit your look.
You'll never see me playing a plain Strat. What do you think I am a
pussy ass little college rock weenie. No I rock!
OK the next part is tricky. Find an actual musician to show you the
power chord fingering position. The tricky part isn't the actual
fingering position, but finding an actual musician is a bitch, it took
me 4 years. Sure you could find the position yourself, but time is
money people.Oh yeah, you probably want to know about my solos. Here's what I do,
find a Van Halen or Kiss song that is in the same key, and rip them off.
But you didn't hear that from me.
FAN MAIL
OK you L'il Fuckers, this Gazette is for you, and the band would like
your input. We are really lacking in this department, all you have to
do is click on the little icon that says "REPLY." So send in your mail.
*(KT we did recieve your letter, we thank you, but OMF does not want to
start any wars on this newsletter)
OMF REPORT
What are OMF up to
Dick Harding has been working on his new film entitled "Studio 69." His
co-star in this new flick is none other than the one and only Seka.
The 4th Reich Teutonic Thunder has been busy conquering independant
wrestling leagues. Nobody has been able to conquer his fiendish
finishing move, the Hellhammer.
Mr. E hasn't been heard from in a while, but like we said before, he has
chekced into a rehab clinic for his nutmeg dependence.
The Artist Formerly Known As Troy has been honing his already legendary
guitar abilities. He's been recieving lessons from C.C. DeVille
formerly of Poison. He is reportedly in the head of his class, but it
is not known how many are in his class.
CLOSING COMMENTS
In closing we want to thank the fans of OMF, without you we're still
OMF, but we're not as popular. Look for our upcoming album, and for
upcoming shows, and we'll keep you posted
The Li'l Fucker Gazette
Hello Boys and Girls,
In this week's issue:
HEADLINES
BANDS OMF IS TRYING TO SIGN A TOUR WITH
COMMIE TRIVIA!
THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR
FAN MAIL
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
WHERE ARE OMF NOW AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
HEADLINES
Rumo(u)rs abound of a new member within OMF's ranks. While OMF has not officially commented on the rumo(u)rs, strange occurrences have been noted within the ranks. Before he disappeared, Teutonic Thunder was interviewed in Munich, Germany, where he was quoted about any new members: "For asking that question, when the Rock 'n Roll Revolution comes, you will not be spared." Mr. E was unavailable for comment and Dick Harding was in the North Atlantic, filming his next film, "TIT-tanic: The Women Go Down On The Captain".
The inside scoop is that the new member may be either Dee Dee Ramone or
Dino Sex, the Naked Drummer. Dee Dee Ramone claimed earlier in the year
that he was looking for a band "where he wouldn't have a lot of
responsibility" and Dino was looking for a band that would provide him
"with a good vinyl seat". Neither were available for comment. So this is
still, in the words of Mr. E, "a mystery".
BANDS OMF IS TRYING TO SIGN A TOUR WITH
1) Chuck E. Cheese's One and Only "Rock a Fire Explosion"
2) Dr. Teeth and Electric Mayhem
3) The band from the show California Dreams
4) A.C.
5) Crucial Taunt (the band from Wayne's World)
6) Winger
7) The band from Kids Incorporated
8) Hulk Rules
9) The Murder Junkies ...... Band!
10) Sny Snoodles and the Max Rebo Band
11) Chemical Imbalance
12) The Fat Boys
13) Lita Ford
COMMIE TRIVIA!
The answers to these questions will be posted in the next issue of The
Li'l Fucker Gazette. Send you answers via e-mail care of this magazine
to:jmking@ilstu.edu. The Li'l Fucker ho gets the most right will win
a *prize* signed by the members of OMF.
1) Who, along with Friedrich Engels, was the traditional founder of
Communism?
2) Name this senator from Wisconsin who attenpted to purge America of
Communist influences during the 1950's.
3) Who was the leader of the Bolshevik party in Russia during 1917?
4) Give another name that this very famous Communist, Josef
Vissarionich Dzugashvili, went under.
5) Name the Communist leader in between Khrushchev and Chernenko that
had even bigger eyebrows than Jason King does.
6) What early 20th century political figure led the American Communist
Party?
7) Are you, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party?
8) Name 2 cities in the Former Soviet Union that were renamed during the
Communist Era.
9) Name two pejorative names given to a Communist.
10) Which Communist was such a famous partier that he crashed partied
after he was thrown out of the highest office of power in the Former
Soviet Union? (I'm not making this question up, I swear it happened!)
And now, the Final Jeopardy Question .....
10) This former communist was killed in Mexico when his skull was broken
THOUGHTS FROM THE EDITOR
Hi. One thing I noticed today that bothered me on a philosophical level was a statement written by one of those politically correct motherfuckers. It said "Be Intolerant about Intolerance." This amused me on a philosophical level, because I don't see the difference between being intolerant towards a group of minority-hating white trash accidents and being intolerant towards people who are intolerant towards minorities themselves.
Why don't I see the difference? Well, have you ever read "The Idiot" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky? I did a long time ago. One of the things that struck me about this book was the main character's stance towards the Death Penalty. My thoughtson the Death Penalty aside, he stated that he believed that the Death Penalty was terrible, in fact the main character believed it was worse than murder itself, because it justifies killing in the name of killing.
Perhaps the next time you feel pissed off when someone calls someone a "nigger" or a "faggot", remember that the solution to bigotry and intolerance is not intolerance itself. After all, in the words of the Lebanese poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran, "What is evil but good parched of its own thirst?" Do you think people are intolerant because they are inherently evil or because they have just been misguided somewhere along the way? I tend to think more of the latter. I believe the key to ending intolerance is through understanding and education, not by acting in accordance with the very thing you hate, only inversed.
Questions? Comments? Thoughts? Write the editor at jmking@ilstu.edu.
If
you want it published in the next issue maybe it will be.
FAN MAIL
I don't have any, because our li'l fuckers haven't been writing us
*sniff*. If you want to get published in the next Li'l Fucker Gazette
let me know and send me something, anything, I don't give a shit what it
is. Send to jmking@ilstu.edu . Thanks.
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
Howdy ho li'l fuckers! I'm taking a special poll as to who you think
the "original" Motherfucker was. Was it, in fact, Oedipus? Or is that
just because of a lack of historical sources and a historiographical
conspiracy? Was it that wacky Emperor of Rome, Caligula? Was it Cain or Abel? Or was it someone else? Write in and let me know who you think.
The best answer will be
adopted as the "original" Motherfucker and will win a *special* prize to
boot! Send all entries to: jmking@ilstu.edu.
WHERE ARE THEY AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
MR. E is currently on a book-signing tour throught North America and Asia Minor. His new book, "The Man With a Vision, Bro: My Adventures with Archie Rutledge", has been at the top of the charts for 18 weeks now.
DICK HARDING is currently in the North Atlantic filming his magnum opus film, "TIT-tanic: The Women Went Down on the Captain".
"THE FOURTH REICH" TEUTONIC THUNDER is currently missing. His last known whereabouts were in Astoria, Oregon, where he was searching for treasure. Before his disappearance, he claimed, "I have the key to One-Eyed Willie." If any Li'l Fuckers have any information on his whereabouts, please contact the editor of this gazette at this e-mail address.
E-mail OMF because they love mail from all their li'l fuckers! Please sent them some, you know you wanna! Please please please!
Mr. E : endless3@hotmail.com
Dick Harding: creon@interlync.com
"The Fourth Reich" Teutonic Thunder: jmking@ilstu.edu
If you would like an article published in the Li'l Fucker Gazette please
send it to: jmking@ilstu.edu and I will see about getting it in.
NEXT ISSUE:
Hey, you! Yes, you! Have you ever wanted to expand your jargon language
so no one can understand what the hell you're saying? Would you like to
find synonyms for happiness such as "derived utility"? Well, then,
perhapes you should learn to TALK LIKE AN ECONOMIST!
This and much more in the next action-packed issue of the Li'l Fucker
Gazette.
And remember, to all you li'l fuckers: Incest is Best. Keep it in the
Family.
Hello all you L'il Fuckers. Welcome to the newest issue of the Gazette. Hope you enjoy.
IN THIS ISSUE
I. OMF NEWS
II. RUMORS
III. VOTE VOTE VOTE
IV. SPECIAL- MR. E GUITAR LESSON
V. FAN MAIL
VI. OMF REPORT
VII CLOSING COMMENTS
OMF NEWS
OMF has currently been working on new material for thier upcoming album. OMF hope's to hit the studio to begin recording, but delays are abound. To comment on the delays we contacted OMF's newest member The Artist Formerly Known As Troy (TAFKAT) and OMF's master of the backbeat 4th Reich Teutonic Thunder. "We've been having problems finding a studio to fit our needs. With the tremendous strain we put out when recording alot of the studios fall short." according to TAFKAT. Thunder replies "Yeah, we were looking at Electric Ladyland, and they couldn't fit our needs. Also we tried Abbey Road Studios, but they aren't powerful enough." "But we think we have found a studio that could fit our needs. It's in Chicago, and I believe it was called Video Playground" TAFKAT added. "It's a hidden gem of a studio. It's in the back of a little video store, and so far it fits our needs." adds Thunder So I guess look forward to a new release from the OMF boys, tentatively titled "Greatest Tits" Another delay that OMF has been running into is keeping track of the other 2 members. Dick Harding has had a hectic shooting schedule lately that has been conflicting with band intrests. And Mister E has been fairly elusive. See rumors column for more details
RUMORS
There have been rumored sightings of Mister E entering a treatment center in Nevada for his rumored addiction to nutmeg. If this is true, let's send out prayers with him. Even through these turbulent times, OMF is trying to schedule a holiday blowout show in December. Will keep you posted.
GUITAR LESSON
Alright we are pleased to have one of the last communications from Mr. E before he disappeared (rehab center?). We are doubly fortunate due to the fact that it's a guitar lesson from him, so we have some insight on E before he disappeared (rehab center?). We are doubly fortunate due to the fact that it's a guitar lesson from him, so we have some insight on his body-slamming style of playing. So without further ado, here's the lesson:
So you L'il Fuckers wanna play like the almighty Mr. E? OK. Well lets first address your look. The most important part of playing rock 'n roll is the look. If your look is shit, so will your playing. The next thing is your guitar. Your guitar has to fit your look. You'll never see me playing a plain Strat. What do you think I am a pussy ass little college rock weenie. No I rock!
OK the next part is tricky. Find an actual musician to show you the power chord fingering position. The tricky part isn't the actual fingering position, but finding an actual musician is a bitch, it took me 4 years. Sure you could find the position yourself, but time is money people.Oh yeah, you probably want to know about my solos. Here's what I do, find a Van Halen or Kiss song that is in the same key, and rip them off. But you didn't hear that from me.
FAN MAIL
OK you L'il Fuckers, this Gazette is for you, and the band would like your input. We are really lacking in this department, all you have to do is click on the little icon that says "REPLY." So send in your mail. *(KT we did recieve your letter, we thank you, but OMF does not want to start any wars on this newsletter)
OMF REPORT
What are OMF up to Dick Harding has been working on his new film entitled "Studio 69." His co-star in this new flick is none other than the one and only Seka.
The 4th Reich Teutonic Thunder has been busy conquering independant wrestling leagues. Nobody has been able to conquer his fiendish finishing move, the Hellhammer.
Mr. E hasn't been heard from in a while, but like we said before, he has chekced into a rehab clinic for his nutmeg dependence.
The Artist Formerly Known As Troy has been honing his already legendary guitar abilities. He's been recieving lessons from C.C. DeVille formerly of Poison. He is reportedly in the head of his class, but it is not known how many are in his class.
CLOSING COMMENTS
In closing we want to thank the fans of OMF, without you we're still OMF, but we're not as popular. Look for our upcoming album, and for upcoming shows, and we'll keep you posted
