10. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel

9. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will

8. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling

7. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"

6. In American encyclopedias, Canada often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"

5. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot

4. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan

3. Two words: "Weird Al"

2. Sick of that gap-toothed loser on "The Late Show with Paul Shaffer"

1. Not enough guys named "Gordie"

10. French baseball chatter very disorienting

9. U.S. players get sleepy standing through two national anthems.

8. Special enzyme in Canadian bacon that turns players into game-winning zombies

7. American teams discouraged by Clinton's new RBI tax

6. All our secret plays are being funneled to them by that weasel Paul Shaffer.

5. Exchange rate makes Canadian runs worth more.

4. Stirring pre-game talks, which always end with "win one for Lorne Greene".

3. They don't bother to use actual Canadians.

2. Let's face it--we're a bunch of "Hosers."

1. Those damn mountie umpires

10. Whenever they show Niagara Falls, always "happens" to be on U.S. side

9. Not enough exciting canoe chases

8. No Monday night curling

7. Just when we get hooked on "Dweebs" -- poof! It's gone

6. One too many award shows hosted by David Letterman

5. It's really hard to play along with "Jeopardy!" after you've drunk a couple dozen Molsons

4. Not a single Canadian featured in O.J. trial

3. "E.R." never about frostbite

2. During "Cheers" reruns, real beer should pour out of the TV

1. Too much Dave, not enough Paul