Towel off, get into some shorts and crack some more beers. Play Bidwisk (an insanley popular cardgame in Charlottetown amongst the U crowd). Swim. Repeat until sauced. This was the ticket. Till about 4 AM...I think I passed out about 3 or 4 am from sheer exaustion (nope not because I had been drinkin since 11AM the previous morning).
7AM...*Crack* "Here. Drink" ...oooooohhhhh....
8AM COLD! Let's get a fire going. I find an axe under the sofa (still dunno why it was there), procede to the back porch to hack up some wood fer the stove. Beer in hand, axe in the other, foam Kiks on me feet (you might see where this is going), I stand firmly on the old palate that serves as a porch step and start swinging.
About 2 logs later, Beefer comes out to see how its going. Stands on the porch with me...and starts bouncing....just as I'm on my downswing.
*THUNK* I can still to this day feel the axe hit the bone in my big toe. Insta-shock. All I can say is "oh fuck". I grab my mangled toe and puke. Alot of blood..big gash. But I stll have the 1st lil piggy. Garese panics and starts stampedeing around the cabin, "HOO-LEEE-FUCK!! HOLYFUCK!!" Carl comes out, beer in hand, looks at me and asks, "You ok?". "I guess so. Kinda hurts". He thinks fer a moment hands me his underwear whe was about to put on, "Put pressure on it with this." I do. "Drink." Gives me his beer. "Thanks."
"He's ok. Lets clean up and get him to the hospital." An hour and a half AND 3 beers later we arive at Beefer's house. "Umm..think we could go to the hospital?" Of course not. Not until Grandma takes a look. Dad takes a look, "HOO-LEE-SHIT! holeeshit. You sure did a number on it! Hungry? Bet! Cook us some breakfast, will ya?"
An hour and a half, 8 pancakes, a few eggs and some juice later we get to the hospital. I had no ID on me. So Dale gives me his. 6 smelly drunks in the waiting room (recap: Dale Y., Chris H., Carl B., Rob, Beefer and yous truely). One of them with a bloody rag of underwear on his foot (no...we didn't think to change it, alright?) Armed with my camera I'm taking pictures of everyone. Including the doctor that takes me fer stitches...WOW!
Out comes the "boyish charm". Of course we're legends in our own mids when we're on July 1st weekends, but people find us amusing and we have no problems finding friends. The doc was from Wales was georgeous and was hillarious. "Bloody drunks. What possesses ya to cut wood in flip-flops? Ah yes you were drunk. Good answer. *snickers" I wanted to marry her.
Taking pics while she poked and prodded. She grabs the camera from me (for some legal reason I thought)...and takes closeups. I was determined to bear her children for her. Then she hauls out the sewing gear. Knitting needles, hedge clippers, butcher knives, instruments of torture all for the purpose of teaching me not to cut wood drunk (nobody cares it was Beefer's fault).
"This WILL hurt." *snickers* Sticks a needle in my toe..*snap* it breaks...and thicker one *snap* (I wore combat boots every day..you figure out why). One more...and one im my cut! AAAAAHH! "I told you so." *snickers*. But it sounded SO sexy with that Welsh accent. "Do you feel this?" "Yes". "Oh dear. The freezing isn't going to take. The wound is too large. We'll have to do a digital block."
I have seen the true name of Satan. It is called "the digial block". It's where the torturer jabs a thick needle into the centre of the nearest joint. That was Motrin pain. I was utterly un-manly about it.
A few dozen stitches and a bunch of pics taken by the nurse who was finding thus outwardly amusing, for some reason...and we were on our way. "Take care of your toe, Dale!" She yells as the real Dale looks around from the doorway and says "Huh?"
With me toe wrapped up so it looks like something from the Flintstones, we
haul ass to the Big City (not really THAT big, 250,000...but it’s the biggest
in the Maritimes). Road pops and a nap along the way we pull into the Prince
George. Every weekend trip we do to Hafilax we always stay in luxury. It’s
lucky fer us the trips are spread apart long enough fer the managers to ferget
us.
I get us 2 rooms with my military discount (takes it to about $105.00/night
each) 4 of us take the gear to the room and the others go to get liquid
supplies (we are now 6, Darren - Beefers brother and a friend of his..ferget
his name). Drop the bags in the room and fill the tub with ice. Ya think the
ice bucket would be bigger than an ice cream container. Solution? Tie 2
corners of a towel to yer belt and hold the other 2 away from you, then get a
friend to fill it up.
Gary, Darren and his friend come back with booze...and a couple of girls.
Didn’t know they sold those at the LC..but what the hell. They was cute. More
friends of Beef from softball. Drink, drank, drunk..lets get some chow.
The girls were finding us perty amusing (dunno if they were laughin AT or WITH
us..but we had the desired effect) and called their plans off fer the night to
stay amused. Head to Historic Properties, specifically Peddler’s Pub (a
Halifax monument if I do say so myself) fer some steak and beer. And
shooters..jello shooters. And rock lobsters (shooter)...and more double
draughts. At about 8PM we decided to jet, Peddlers is a day watering hole.
Next stop...Rosa’s. Before it closed in 1992 it was my favorite nightclub in
Hafilax. Why? It’s outstanding shooter bar! House specialties were body shots.
Order a takillya and ask the pretty girl standing next to ya if she minded.
Usually they didn’t. So I did one off of Jannet Chris did one off of the other
(almost puked..but he hid it well). Over to the shooter wheel. Spin the wheel
and drink what they give ya.
Notable funny: there was a stagette party there with the bride to be walking
around with a t-shirt that said “A buck a lick”...it had LifeSavers all over
it. She was going table to table and dudes were eating them off of her. Chris
gave her a buck, Dale gave her a buck and I hauled out two fistfuls of bills
and thrust them at her. That was good fer a belly laugh (and I got a free
lifesaver).
Damn...we ended up calling this weekend “I Can’t Believe I Drank the Whole
Thing” weekend. I see why. Things get blurry here. I remember the Liquor Dome
(a 6 bar complex)...I remember getting split up (my toe being crushed many
times..but no pain)...Chris H, me and the 2 girls...more shooters...then to JJ
Ross’s...them buying us beer (me and Chris thought THAT was cool)...AH!
One
more funny:
On the way to JJs (I forget HOW it came up) me and Jannet were walking
together, things SOMEHOW got heated up (We still dunno why...we were GONE) and
she asked me Iif I knew her name! WHAT A STUPID QUESTION! Of course I
didn’t....but she can’t know that!
“That’s a silly question.”
“What is it then” ...uh oh she’s getting suspicious..
*sarcastically* “Edna...Pugsley..” smile, Chris...SMILE....
“YOU DON’T KNOW IT!!” *storms away*
All of a sudden...”Jannet” popped into my fuzzy brain. I whispered it “jannet”
She turns around, “what was that?”
“Jannet” (more confidently.
“You knew it all along, didn’t you!?! I’m SO sorry..”
Me and Chris smile at each other.
The night was notable...but no need for noting the rest.
To be continued...
