A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.

3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

A2: By doing the splits.

7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

A: Nothing. They've never met.

9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A1: She'd just dyed her hair.

A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around

too much.

12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?

A: An IN-body experience!

18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?

A: Shine a torch in her ears.

20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.

22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?

A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those

little packages.

30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?

A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?

A: To put their feet through.

35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?

A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?

A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?

A: Has that blonde gone yet?

A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?

A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A: Because they can spell it.

47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in

effect in Canada)

A: Because they can spell it.

48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?

A: 69 plus G.S.T.

49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

A: Tits Go In Front.

51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A: An interpreter.

52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A: A mental block.

53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

A1: Blow in her ear.

A2: Buy her another beer.

54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?

A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

A1: Introduces themself.

A2: Walks home.

65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: Because everybody gets a turn.

A: So they know when to stop having sex!

71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

A: Data transfer.

74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?

A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering

what she did with her pencil.

75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading

her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A1: Because they don't know any better.

A2: They are easier to keep amused.

77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "What's a lightbulb?"

A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?

A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A wine cellar.

80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?

A: Peroxide.

81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: They're doing research on black holes.

85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?

A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart

blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.

Who picks it up?

A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,

the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth

Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum

wrapper.

90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?

A: So they know what day of the week it is.

93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?

A: Because it kept falling out.

94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?

A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the

ground first?

A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!

97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?

A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?

A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?

A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?

A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?

A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of

York?

A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?

A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?

A: They both have black roots.

116. Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

A2: Don't tell her to swallow.

A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?

A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.

A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.

120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?

A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?

A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..

I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?

A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?

A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.

129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw

puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

A: "Nice tits!"

132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?

A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

135. Q: Why do blondes have legs?

A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.

A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

138. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

139. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked

up by "the fuzz"?

A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."

141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

A: Frosted Flakes.

142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.

143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?

A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

144. Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and

a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?

A: Because they always burn their nipples.

148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

A: She kept having affairs with men!

149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

A: To cover up the valve stem.

150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.

151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

A: A Space Invader.

152. Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

153. Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head.

154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?

A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?

A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

156. Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did God create brunettes?

A: Neither could the blondes.

157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A: Branch Manager.

158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell

if they're going to work or coming home.

160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A: A blonde electrician.

161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A1: So brunettes can remember them.

A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

A3: So men can understand them.

162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?

A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A1: A golden retriever.

A2: A labrador.

A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

165. Q: Why do blondes have periods?

A: They deserve them.

167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?

A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

169. Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?

A: She liked to be filled with cream.

170. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?

A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?

A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?

A: By the ears.

173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip

cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?

A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

175. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.

176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.

177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.

178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

A: Last year's hide and seek champ.

179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?

A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

180. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of

sly pygmies?

A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.

181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?

A: One's a busy ditch.

182. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?

A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

183. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a

blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

184. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

187. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,

and a blonde?

A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"

The nympho says, "Are you done already?"

The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?

A: "Is it mine?"

189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An air bag.

191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

194. Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech,

varoom...screech, varoom...screech.....?

A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing

red light.

195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to

death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in

her forehead.

199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?

A: She can't say "No".

200. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?

A: Retardo.