Mail-Order Husbands

by thebaglady, Prose Investigator


This page is dedicated to Women Alone


I’m seriously thinking about
hunting for a husband.
Every onceinawhile I get struck ominously
by the fact I am alone,
should be looking SERIOUSLY...
Unless I want to grow old alone…husbandless.

It has been suggested that I advertize…
but I have no idea where one does that.
My work does not allow my meeting men...
And, I’ve been much too wary and frightened
to meet any of the men I email and chat with.

And, if you think I'm desperate and ugly...
Well, that's just not true...
Gads, there are so many of us women alone.
Single, dumped, left, abandoned...
Not noticed yet,
Not noticed perhaps at all.

I think we women,
especially in The United States,
need a Mail Order Husband business.
I think it’s overdue, way overdue.
We have far more women than men,
a multitude of women alone…all ages
sizes…shapes…races.
This problem is totally ignored,
totally ignored!
(I protest that).

I would order one,
and what’s more,
look for a man who could cook.
(or who liked sandwiches and cherrios).

I’ve thought of Russian husbands…
Chinese husbands…
British husbands…
Scottish husbands…
New York Jewish husbands...
Tall Indian husbands (country of).

Nothing against Native American husband,
just do not think Native American husband
would want me or my meager talents.

In fact, I’m not sure my talents lie
in the wife department,
perhaps never have.
(A frightening thought).
My mother told me two thousand times
I was not ‘wife material.’
She told my husbands that…
Oh, Mamma!!

I think the person that starts a
Mail-Order Husband business
is going to become very rich
very quickly…
And why not, why should all
those men starve all over the world
when American women are alone?
(Monica Lewinsky included).

So, Beloved, are you the one who,
the one who is going to become
rich overnight?

Please do not be offended I am not writing about
the deaths in Colorado...
Kosovo...
Sorry, but I'm concerned tonight
about American women
(myself included).
If someone kills us,
no one particularly notices...
If we are withering up alone,
no one gets all bothered...
That's what I'm talking about.

5-1-99 1:50am
~~~thebaglady has spoken~~~
Guess that's all I've got in me 'tonight'
about our troubles.

PS: thepic is my Greatgrandpa Rome and his brothers,
Fitzhugh and Herbert Lee

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Okkkkkkkkk....Keep it clean, keep it clean, keep it clean.
That goes for you Yanks as well as us Rebs...
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please don't fight with thebaglady, Beloved.
Something bugging you, see a mule doctor!
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Oh, foreigners are welcome to contribute too...
I kind of like New Yorkers and scalywag Rhode Islanders:
I know - pickypickypicky...

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