By Ambear@aol.com
To the tune of "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen):
Ladies and gentlemen who appreciate boybands..
Love the Backstreet Boys.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, Backstreet Boys would be it.
The long term benefits of Backstreet Boys have been proved by Billboard
charts and ticket sales whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more
reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now:
Enjoy the power and beauty of A.J.
Oh, never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of A.J. until you
are older, but trust me, in 5 years you'll look back at photos of him and
recall in a way you can't grasp now how sexy his hats and tattoos really were
and how fabulous he really did look.
Nick is NOT as fat as you imagined.
Don't worry about their futures or worry but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to convince Howie that he really just had an
eye-twitching problem.
The real troubles in their careers are bound to be things that never crossed
your worried teeny mind. The kind that require them to run while they are
being stalked and chased by you at Studio 54.
Do one thing everyday that SCARES your parents.
Yell out: I'm legal!
Don't be reckless with other people's Backstreet Boys addictions, don't put
up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss like Brian.
Don't waste your time being jealous of Britney.
Some of us get close, some of us will have nosebleed seats, the tours are
long and in the end, you'll probably never meet them anyway.
Remember the people who complement the Backstreet Boys.
Forget the haters.
If you succeed in doing this without yelling obscenities in their direction,
tell me how.
Keep your old fan letters.
Throw away your parent's credit card statements.
Stretch (before dancing to the album)
Don't feel guilty if you like 98 Degrees a little bit. The most interesting
people I know had diverse tastes in music at 16. Some of the most interesting
27 year olds still listen to New Kids On The Block.
Guys, get plenty of calcium.
And be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe they'll have girlfriends. Maybe they won't.
Maybe they'll have another #1 hit album. Maybe they won't.
Maybe they'll break up at 40. Maybe they'll dance the funky chicken on their
25th Anniversary tour.
Whatever they do, don't congratulate them too much or berate them either.
Their chances are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy Kevin's body.
Look at it every chance you can.
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument he'll ever own.
DANCE
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own Backstreet Boys covered
bedroom.
Read the liner notes, even it you don't get what they say.
DO NOT READ TEEN MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A TEENYBOPPER
Get to know their band members, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to their merchandise sellers, they're your best chance at getting
closer to other merchandise sellers and the people you are most likely only
going to meet anyway.
Understand that fellow Backstreet Boys fans come and go, but with a precious
few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyles because the older
you get, the more possible it will be to move to Florida and try to get to
know them.
Live in Florida once, but leave before you get sucked into the Mickey Mouse
Club.
Live in Kentucky once, but leave before the Wildcats grow on you.
TOUR
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Ticket prices will rise. A.J. will philander. Nick will also get old.
And when he does, you will fantasize that when he was young, ticket prices
were reasonable, A.J. was a good boy, and Nick would have really married you.
You will not marry a member of the Backstreet Boys.
Don't expect anyone else to support them.
Maybe they'll get a new contract, maybe they'll go independent, but you never
know when either one might go bust.
Boys, don't mess to much with your hair. Or by the time you are 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful what merchandise you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
(Because they just might get you backstage.)
Merchandise is a form of nostalgia.
Keeping it is a way of fishing your boyband past from the disposal, wiping it
off, painting over the embarrassing parts, and recycling it for more than
it's worth.
