Wednesday, October 20, 1999
9:31 AM, sitting at my favorite place on campus

I hope today's going to be a good day. So far it hasn't, but I hope it gets better. I'm not going into details of what happened, but let me say that it upset me.

11:00 AM, same place, one class later

Sometimes I don't get people... I really don't. It's like putting together a 1,000,000-piece puzzle that has no boundaries, it just keeps expanding from the center into meaningless areas and trivial pursuits. Yes, I know it sounds confusing but that's the point.

Molly's right behind me, I wonder if she notices. Why would it matter though? Oh, she noticed. Anyway. Oh yeah, today's Wednesday. I bet mom's gonna find a way to drag me to church. I like going Sunday mornings, but that's it. Mom's gonna try and convince me to go by saying that pretty girl is going to be there. Yeah, I'd like to see her, but what's the point? Nothings' gonna happen, she's probably too old for me.

What is it about being 19 that makes you the scum of the dating pool? People that are older won't date you because you're a teenager, and you can't date anyone younger because it's illegal. You can't date any 19 yr olds (unless you dated before you turned 19) because they know you too well. I'd say there's about..... uh..... eight girls on campus that actually walk up and talk to me, and non of them are single or date material. And the only girls that come into work that like me are 14, or getting married. Why me? I mean, for example... Saturday a beautiful girl walks in (and I mean this girl rivals my "sister" April in beauty) and we flirt for an hour, and I go on break and go into the arcade to play Silent Scope (man I love that game) like I always do on break, and she comes in following me and when she notices I'm there she runs to the photo booth and starts taking pics. I go back to work, and she's still following me. I go into the back to start stocking items, and when I come out she slaps a sticker of her on my forehead and says "Okay, now you have to wear this sticker when I come back or I'll be mad at you." I said, "Okay, on two conditions:

1) you give me your age
2) you give me your phone number"

"I'm 13."

"Forget number 2"

But man she was cute... it really ticked me off too.

There's an ant on my leg. I like watching ants. Most people just squish 'em, but not me. I just watch them going from point A to point B, carrying stuff, crawling up trees, etc. I wonder what they're thinking...

I got a letter from April yesterday. It made me feel really good, because I wasn't expecting it. It also had a picture of her in it, and I really like it too. It's MY picture, not a picture on the net that anyone can see, but it's mine. She's a great girl, I hope I know her fro a ong time, I hope her modeling career goes well, too. She's so beautiful and photogenic, I'd be very disappointed if it didn't work out.

That ant is still there. I have deemed this ant worthy, he is the world's only procrastinator ant. I shall call him Uncle.

11:30 AM, still here

I just talked to that girl from yesterday. The poot thing just bombed a teast and needed someone to listen. I'm too much of a nice guy sometimes... and get that idea out of your head, she's engaged. I think. Anyway.

I just realized that I spend nearly half my day on or near this wall, like I'm waiting for something. What or who am I waiting for? Or is it a who? And will I know when whatever I'm looking for appears? So here I am... sitting... waiting for Lord knows what... Lovely.

It's a really nice day today. If I wasn't so blasted bored I could stay out here all day.

Well I just calculated my hours. Even if I pass all my classes I'll still be a freshman. I might lose my scholarships AGAIN. I don't think I'm ever going to pas at this rate, huh.

There's a girl standing next to me, looking a little confused. I wonder if I should say anything. Nevermind she's leaving. Maybe I should have said something. Oh I see, she was waiting on a friend.

11:53 AM, still here

Most everyone is at lunch. There's a lot of people buzzing around, though. I doubt anyone's going to come over here though. I know people see me, but what do they think? Is it good? Should I be worried? Man, I'm asking a lot of questions today.

It's getting a little chilly out here. I wonder if I should really be skipping lunch. I think I have a pet now, that ant's STILL here. Well, I'm going to go eat lunch now, I know I need to.