Tuesday, May 30, 2000

1:13 AM, on the computer

To hell with the devil.

I'm starting a period of mourning and prayer, because two more souls are being lost in the fight, and I'm not taking it. No one has died, but right now it's just as if they were dead. I had to expel someone from my fellowship because I had come to doubt her salvation, and due to repeated sin on her part I was prompted by the Lord to turn her loose. The second is a girl I've known and loved for a long time that I had been praying for ever since I became a believer. I've witnessed to her many times, but she bragged to me earlier that she's a "little less innocent now" and probably expects me to be fine with it. I've been crying for a while now, I had lost track of time until I lifted my head from my desk and looked at the computer. Right now I'm listening to Rebecca St James' cover of "Hold Me Jesus" and it's not helping me any... I just hate the world these days, and what it's become. Too many people in the world just can't see that they blindly accept the farce that Satan gives them when God can give them so much more, and it just puts a burden on my heart so much that I can hardly take it sometimes.

It reminds me of a story I once heard. A man was born and chained to a cave wall, and he grew up chained and staring at the same wall for half his life. One day the chains became so rusted and worn that the chains just fell off, and the man turned around and for the first time in his life saw light. He left the cave and after his eyes adjusted to the light he ventured out into the world. Soon he had learned the language and travelled the world, and one day he came upon a familiar cave. He ventured into it and realized it was the same one he was born in and then he saw his brother and sisters, still chained and facing the wall. He excitedly told them to turn around and see the light, that everything they knew about life had been a lie, and that there was an entirely new world out there waiting for them. But his brothers and sisters became so enraged by the "blasphemy" that they turned and killed him in a blind rage.

A more modern version of that would be the Matrix. A guy (Neo) lives his life and is always suspecting there's something more to it. He discovers a man (Morpheus) that claims to know "the truth", and once Neo accepts what Morpheus is saying and wishes to find out the truth, he discovers that everyone is in bondage and that his life (the matrix) was all a fabricated lie by machines to trick man so they have a food source. He goes out to save humanity, but in turn is betrayed by someone that becomes blind by his own selfish desires. Neo later overcomes the world and enters a new phase in life.

I think that one of the reasons the Matrix was so popular was that it stated the truth about life in such a way that it could be understood by all, but it left little about as a solution to overcoming the world. But now that I HAVE discovered the solution in Jesus Christ, I feel like the man in that story sometimes... I've realized that this is all a lie and I try to tell people about it, and they lash out at me because they're too blind to see that they're all dying and they're gonna end up as demon food.

One of the harshest facets of life though, is witnessing to someone and you just KNOW that they're so close... then the devil gets a hold of them again and your work is hampered. I've been studying it a lot lately, and it's called spiritual warfare. God and the devil are in a war for souls because the devil knows he's destined to lose and he's decided to take as many people to hell with him as possible. God's got the advantage though, because He's not only already won but He's also got two powerful allies in His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. But the wild card in this is man. Man is the battlefield as well as the weapon. God uses man to achieve good things, and Satan vice-versa.

Now I've accepted the fact that I'm definitely involved in this great war and for the glory of God, but I find myself identifying with Christ when He asked God why He was to take the cup that was chosen for him. I know I'm destined to do God's work, but I wonder what good I can do him when I can't even teach one girl properly or when I couldn't properly witness to Anastacia let alone a sixteen year old girl that's having visions of Jesus. But then I remember I'm involved in spiritual warfare now, and that that's exactly what Satan wants me to think... divide and conquer, separate my mind from God and then take over. I refuse to let it happen.

No more.

Like I said before, to hell with the devil... in Jesus' name he'll wish he never messed with one of the sons of God. Praise be to the Lord God Most High, and in Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

1:37 PM, on the computer

Right now I'm very very ticked off. I spent who knows HOW long praying last night, but it must have been a while because I woke up on the floor. I got to thinking about why I was praying and suddenly I experience a feeling of rage towards the devil. If he and I were to meet face to face right now, I'd rebuke him, kick him in the nuts, dig a hole, and throw him in it and stomp it flat, then shove a cross in it and see if he decided to mess with my friends again...

And don't even get me started on how irritated I get when I flip past Ricki Lake. I just turn my TV off when I see a talk show... they irritate me beyond all belief. It's not the hosts, it's the guests. 14 year old girls that are addicted to sex... strippers, drug abusers, KKK members.. it's enough to drive me up the wall. I think I'm gonna start having devotionals in the woods so I can just start screaming my head off....