Louisiana:(true story)
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

A Blonde And The Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" > The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. > The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

GREAT AND MIGHTY ART THOU O' NUBIAN QUEEN, FROM YOU FLOWS THE LOVE FOR YOUR PEOPLE AND OUR HOPES,OUR LIVES AND OUR DREAMS. GOD HAS CREATED YOU WITHOUT FLAWS, MY QUEEN, IT IS YOU O' GREAT MOTHER, WHO BEARS LIFE TO ALL DREAMS..I KISS THE GROUND THAT YOU TREAD, I PRAY TO MEET YOU SOME DAY BEFORE I'AM WED.JUST TO BASKED IN UNYEILDING BEAUTY,TO WALK HUMBLY IN YOUR GLANCE, ANY MAN WOULD GIVE YOU HIS HONOR JUST FOR A CHANCE...., TO SAY," GREAT ANGEL IT IS I," WHO HAS SEEK YOUR AFFECTION BEFORE FROM AFAR, QUEEN NUBIAN ANGEL YOU ARE THE BRIGHTEST STAR..THAT'S AMBERS THRU THE VALLEYS OF MEN'S MINDS, IT IS YOU GREAT ANGEL, WE ALL SEEK BUT ONLY ONE SHALL FIND ....BEHOLD!!!.... O' QUEEN THE HEAVENS CRY FOR YOUR RETURN, OTHER STARS SEEK YOU OUT..THE SUN AND MOON YEARN..BUT...I...OH MY QUEEN SHALL WAIT MY TURN, JUST TO HEAR YOUR VOICE AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE CONCERN....FOR THE LOWLY AMONG MEN WHO WAIT FOR THAT DAY, TO GAZE UPON YOUR BEAUTY AND MAYBE BE ALLOW TO SAY'I GLADLY AND HAPPILY AM READY TO TELL, THE WORLD I HAVE SEEN OF THE NUBIAN ANGEL.

---

It's near the end of the school year and the teacher has turned in her grades. All the kids are restless because there's nothing to do and it's near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John F. Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut". The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

---

Speeding
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back--wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

---

The pride and joy of Paul Mac (aka Snake)
Motorcycle Rides Available...price negotiable!

---

YOU ONLY GET ONE WISH! A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK,OK. You released me from the lamp blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" the man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said I don't care and that I'm insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. Know what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they are crying, know what they want when the say 'nothing'...." The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

Return to previous page