MJM's SONGS FROM HELL
Patches-Clarence Carter
Miserable excrement. "Daddy's strictest rule" should have been to beat the excrement out of Clarence for the good of humanity. Clarence went on to perpetrate more injustice to the earlobes with "Strokin".
Muskrat Love-Captain and Tennille
These two specialized in drippy goop, with this being the worst of the lot. The cloyingly "cute" little muskrat noises in the middle of the song are enough to justify homicide.
Gypsies Tramps & Thieves-Cher
Obviously autobiographical. Truly an artist From Hell, with "Half Breed", "You Better Sit Down Kids", and "Bang Bang" to her discredit.
I'm Your Boogie Man-KC and the Sunshine Band
One of the primary offenders in the Disco Era. An Artist From Hell. "Get Down Tonight", "That's The Way(uh huh uh huh)I Like It", and "Shake Your Booty" are other blots on the musical escutcheon.
Having My Baby-Paul Anka
A very convincing argument for retroactive birth control. A sure-fire way to make any woman furious at you is to play this song.
Honey-Bobby Goldsboro
...and here's the toilet seat where Honey sat...and here's the half-eaten sandwich that Honey was eating when "the Angels came" 20 years ago...and here's the Kleenexes where Honey cried into(I think those are tears in those Kleenexes)...
Indiana Wants Me-R.Dean Taylor
Indiana can keep him too...
Delta Dawn-Helen Reddy
Oh, which Helen Reddy song to pick?...what a dilemma!...this one, "I Am Woman", "Angie Baby", "You and Me Against The World", "Ruby Red Dress"...With so much to choose from, how can one go right? Oh please Helen, just one more chorus!
Laurie-Dickie Lee
Yes, they don't write songs like THIS anymore!
Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast-Wayne Newton
Just wait until the little urchin wants a Ferrari! Daddy better work your ass off! Of course, the mommy will take him back, no problem...what woman can resist Wayne Newton?
Physical-Olivia Newton-John
Gee, Olivia...saying "let me hear your body talk" to a guy is inviting trouble, don't you think?
Hurdy Gurdy Man-Donovan
Some of the most beautiful girls who ever lived bedded down with this nitwit on the basis of songs like this...and yes, it pisses me off!
Night Chicago Died-Paper Lace
Golly! All this happened in "The Land Of The Dollar Bill"! History can sure be fun, eh Mr. Lace? Lordy be!
Beep Beep-Playmates
Yes, it is cute the first time you hear it. Yes, the 2 year olds will love it. If you ever play this song for them, you will regret it for many many years to come...
Feelings-Morris Albert
This song sucks. Mentioning the name of this song is 100% guaranteed to get a groan out of 100% of the people you mention it to...which should be a record of some sort.
Angel Baby-Rosie and the Originals
Ah, where do I start? The voice that can curdle milk? The worst sax solo ever? The drummer who loses the beat in the middle of the song? The inspiring lyrics? I truly think the producer of this record hated this group.
Sylvia's Mother-Dr. Hook
I respectfully submit this song as my nomination for The Worst Record Ever Made. If you play it more than three times in a row, you can save money on that lobotomy! Your brain will implode by itself.
Brand New Key-Melanie
Melanie...first, please get some singing lessons. Next, take a guess where you can put this "brand new key". Finally, please find another career. She probably started more people on singing careers than any other person, as it was obvious that even the most tone-deaf could make money.
Yummy Yummy Yummy-Ohio Express
This is for all those who remember the 60's as being a Golden Age...it was aptly named "bubble gum music" as you can't get rid of it once it is on you, it messes up everything it touches, and it is completely infuriating. There were dozens of songs similar to this.
Kung Fu Fighting-Carl Douglas
people actually BOUGHT this record! It was #1 for the entire month of December 1974! It went gold! Wretched wretched song...
Tell Laura I Love Her-Pay Peterson
I wish I had been at the recording session for this one. Poor Ray seems all worked up about these two star-crossed loosers, um, lovers. I particulary like the chorus of Angels in the chapel singing doo-wop...those Angels really know the right touch!
Dizzy-Tommy Roe
Another Artist From Hell...It was difficult to pick which of his efforts to include. "Hooray For Hazel", "Sweet Pea", "Jam Up Jelly Tight"....drek.
Bang Bang-Cher
"Can't live with her...can't kill her..."
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing-Leo Sayer
There is no justification possible for this person continuing to live.
Funkytown-Lipps Inc.
Disco. Sucks.
Teen Angel-Mark Dinning
The thing I like best about this touching story is the line "I'll never kiss your lips again...they've buried you today..." Um, just what have you been doing with the corpse prior to burial? Never mind...it's best that I don't know...
Teddy Bear-Red Sovine
Oh , puh-leeze! This guy should be slapped silly for recording such garbage.
I Can Never Go Home Anymore-Shangri Las
...and that's called..."Really bad" ! And the moral of the story is: forget about those "miracle boys" and stick with Mom for the rest of your life...And that's called "Codependant"
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All commentaries are opinions expressed by mjmelen for his personal entertainment, are not for sale, and do not represent the opinions of the web site owner or it's sponsor. Thank you. Have a nice day. ---- Bobbie
