Do you want to become an Anne Rice character? Well, who doesn't? After all, a vast majority of them have an everlasting life span, obscene amounts of money, and beautiful faces as well as bodies! Not only that but most of them are talanted, brilliant people, mortal or immortal!
All you have to do to be considered for an Anne Rice character in her latest novel is fill out this application and send it to 1239 First St, New Orleans, LA! That's right, it that easy! Then, if Anne Rice chooses you, you will become one of her characters! So what are you waiting for, fill it out today!
Name:______(Note: Anne Rice will probably change your real name to something French or European sounding).
Age:______(Note: Chances are that your age will vary anywhere from 17-40 in her novels. A small majority of applicants will be 5, or possibly 70 years old).
Address_____(Note: If you become a character, you will probably live in: A. New Orleans. B. San Franciso, or C. a famous European city).
Occupation:_____(Note: Anne Rice will probably change your current occupation to a plantation owner, an actor, a singer(only if you're a male), a painter, or a medical specialist of some sort).
Sexual Orientation:_____(Note: If you're male, there's a 90% that Anne Rice will make you bisexual. If you're female, a 50% chance).
Any special powers you may have:____(Note: If you don't have any, worry not! 95% of Anne Rice's characters do have supernatural powers of some sort).
Hair Color & Condition:_______(Note: if you have bad hair, don't fret! 99% of Anne Rice characters have hair to die for! Please excuse the pun!).
Height & Weight:______(Note: If Anne Rice chooses you, you will have the body of a Greek god, and chances are that you won't have to worry about your weight at all).
Any morals you may have:______(Note: It's best not to have any. If you're an Anne Rice characters, you will be subject to murder, incest, sex, and blesphemy).
Education:_______(Another thing you don't have to worry about. 99% of A. R.'s characters are exteremely intelligent, whether they had a formal education or not).
Current Financial Situation:_______(Note: As an Anne Rice character, you will have obsecene amounts of money to your disposal. Feel free to spend it any way you want, because even though chances are that you will have no job to speak of, you will always be finacially secure).
Fine Print: Anne Rice, Kith&Kin, the creator of this application, or anyone else related or unrelated to Anne Rice is NOT in any way responsible for the following side effects of being an Anne Rice character:
Severe depression, suicidal tendencies, participating in erotic hijinks in 14th century Venice, the urge to participate in S&M, self desctruction, abuse of any kind, being haunted by a spirit, being lugged off to heaven and/or hell, being in a bad novel, being hated by A.R's fans, being killed off without any explanation, having to feed on rats, being potrayed in a film by an actor who doesn't look like you at all, and becoming a doomed 5 year old, among other things.
Further more, you will become the property of Anne Rice and Random House. If Anne Rice chooses to abandon you as a character, you will be left at the mercy of spec writers, most of whom love to write slash.
