7-22: Where to start? It's been 16 days since I updated this journal last and that is a very very long time, I'm sorry I kept all of you anxious fans waiting. Soon after the last time I wrote, I went to Anchorage for a baseball tournament. We ended up getting third out of eight teams and beat the best team in Anchorage 13-10. I suck and ended up playing right field most of the time (when I wasn't sitting the bench). But I hit the ball alright, except for the last game when I struck out three times. We even got to give ourselves nicknames for the last game that the announcer could use. I appropriately chose John "strikeout" Guthrie. A bad omen, perhaps.
Once again, the highlight of my Anchorage trip was the chance to spend a couple days with the one nearest (at this juncture) to my heart, Lara. At the beginning, things were strained. I mean it's obvious that we both still have feelings for each other (what she sees in me, i wonder sometimes), and it's hard to repress those feelings. The brush of our hands, the rub of a shoulder, gentle scrapes, begging to evolve intimately. and they did. Things just felt so natural, I couldn't help but hold her hand or run my fingers through her hair. I mean, nothing sordid or erotic happened. But both of us yearned for contact and we gave in. Is it better this way? i'm not really sure and neither is she. but it sure is easier. Of course, in the end, it will probably makes things infinitely harder, but farewells are always difficult. Unless of course, you really don't like the person very much, and unfortunately, a diametric opposite is present in this case. It's also strange, because they're so much I want to say when I sit down to write this but I can ever get it all out.
Anyway, I wrote this poem in about five minutes one day because I was bored at work and just felt like messin' around with the good ol' aabbcc rhyme scheme. Are those called couplets or something? I'm not sure. My knowledge of poetry isn't that good, but I do know that I don't like Walt Whitman very much. here goes, it was inspired by sitting around waiting for the phone to ring (and sometimes it never did).
I call this little ditty SOLITAIRE
fingers drumming
mouth slowly humming
the phone rings,
leaping, my heart springs
Dejected, disappointment sets in
I learn to wait, Again.
C'mon, not too shabby for 5 minutes. and, yes, I know I'm a big walking sappy cliche. So ya don't have to tell me.
What else is new in my life? as usual, not much. It's been two weeks and I still end up talking about girls. Maybe it's because that's the most important thing in life. It's all about strong feelings and significant others. I have a feeling most people my age haven't realized that yet though. Besides great looks, intelligence and impeccable musical tastes, I have also been gifted with early maturity. Well, emotional and mental maturity. Physical maturity was a little late. Though I started getting pubic hair in the 5th grade, I don't believe that I had my growth spurt until high school. Alas, junior high was hell for me. All these big kids and me with my squeaky voice and small peeter. Not that it mattered really, except in the locker room. I don't think I even thought about girls in junior high. but, needless to say, I didn't enjoy junior high very much. Ok, well I'm runnin' out of things to talk about so I'm gonna end this journal entry right here and hopefully I'll write some more tomorrow evening.
8-7: I know it's been a very long time since I've written (16 days) and I'm sorry. A lot of stuff has occurred in this time frame. Soon after my last entry, I drove to Anchorage accompanied by my mom and friend David to go see Blink-182 one night and then Pedro the Lion and Damien Jurado the next night for a combined amount of 30 dollars. I was terribly excited at this chance for freedom and to see some kids I haven't seen in a while (mac, stewart). The first night we got there, we went to Blink. Shirtless girls everywhere and Blink played with some enthusiasm. I even went up front for a while (there were 2400 kids there) but the shirtless sweaty guys kinda turn me off so I cut my losses (a blue sweatshirt I have had for three years) and went to the back and enjoyed the band. David and Mac made it off worse than me as David lost a shoe and Mac's glasses fell off. Home Grown opened for 'em, but no offense (they licked an ass). The next night was not quite as fun. I picked up Lara at about six and we headed to this Christian coffee shop (holy grounds) to go see these ultra-hip Christian rockers. I dimed David so I could kick it with my currently favoritest girl in the entire world. i had to do what i had to do. The coffee shop was filled with tons of fruity jesus-types, needless to say, I'm not the religious guy. I mean I believe in God, but I have certain opinions on the nature of organized religion as a whole. But then again, I didn't have to talk to these kids either so I paid my 10 bucks (and 10 dollars for the girl) and went to go watch the bands. The first band was a local anchorage band and the singer booked PtL and Jurado. During their set he dropped the dreaded "E" word more than a few times and he struck me as kind of an ass. But as far as the music goes, they were alright. PtL were pretty good, unfortunately, the guy didn't sing into the mike half the time and when he did, it sounded all distorted. Fuckin' technicians. I think they sound much better recorded than live. Anyway, the singer began to tell the crowd how his songs related to the gospel, etc etc. and this freaked me out. They finished up their set and Jurado hit the stage and began to play some fruity folk song. Maybe he's really pretty good, but I didn't stay long enough to find out. After this, we went to downtown Anchorage and revisited the Anchorage Hilton (home of many many memories and acadeca nostalgia). Melancholy invaded me immediately and I started to think about how in 2 weeks when I went to college how a new era of my life was going to begin. I mean, I'd known this all summer but it kind of hit me that night and I got sad. Even though I said I'd never miss high school, I think I will. (On the other hand, I'm going to see Sunny Day Real Estate in Seattle on the 7th of September :) ).
Fast forward a couple days. Lara comes to Valdez for a few days. I'm excited. that soon fades. Her friend Katie doesn't like being with Lara when we're together. And she's staying with Katie so I get to see her for all of 2 hours even though she's here for three days. At times, I wanted to go chase her down and find her and just be with her, but I knew I couldn't. It was fucking frustrating. I never knew if it was ok for me to come up and talk to her or whatever, as it feels kinda awkward. I dunno, i think we're more compatible when there isn't other people around. But this is like my best friend in the whole world and I got to see her for two hours thanks to her friend's inability to understand and her selfishness. I know, I sound petty, but I was sitting at work one day (extremely pissed off) it was my birthday too (the big 18) so I wrote a poem about it and it made me feel better. I figured out I belong to the "I write transparent cliches and I'm damn proud of it" school of poetry.
FARMING
A jealous neighbor plows my grain
her wicked scythe
leaves my empty hands
grasping at fragments
Did I mention that I'm also a member of the "Short, sweet, and to the point" school of poetry?
I get to call my roommate tomorrow (Christopher Bechtel of Massachusetts). I tried earlier but I found out he was a camp counselor and still at camp. This frightens me.