_____ "THE BEST PARENT IS BOTH PARENTS" ________
Dads Against Discrimination(DAD) is a national association. This web page is sponsored by the Mississippi Gulf Coast Chapter since its first meeting on 17 Feb. 1997 in Gulfport, Mississippi, Harry Vinson of N.MS Chapter of DAD spoke at the 1st meeting. Dads Against Discrimination is a Mississippi Non-Profit Corporation. The DAD Chapter in Gulport is a 501c...non-profit organization: Email or write us, or call Teri or Jake(Sr.) at (2 2 8) - 8 6 8 - D A D S (3237).
LEGISLATION NEWS: www.ls.state.ms.us
Join us to restore equality, lawfully, peacefully. We need your help and funding. Let's work together to guarantee that our children have the right to BOTH natural parents, plus FATHERS' RELATIVES.
Present habits of the Court usually give physical custody (primary care) to the mother. The father & father's relatives, except for visitation, are mostly cut off from the children. This chapter, for instance, has several 'grandmothers' who are some of our most active members. It is more than a fathers' rights issue. 'Children first' could be the motto for us as well, but that doesn't always mean 'mothers first'. We hope for change. ALL MOTHERS WITH SONS: even if you have your kids now, join us, because your sons stand a great chance of losing their kids in their future divorce: You WILL lose grandchildren. Court 'interpretations' ha
NEXT MEETINGS:
2nd Monday of each month @ 7pm: call to be sure....
PREVIOUSLY:
6/8: State Rep. "Danny"Guice, "Jacksonian Lawmaking".
4/13/98: Ms.Hoover, Charter Counseling Center, Gulfport, MS & C.B.H.C.of MS
1/26/98, 2/9&23, 3,5,7,9/98: Plans & Consulting Meetings.
12/8/97: Andy K. on DHS & legal investigations
11/10:Herb Wilson,Harrison Co.Family Court.
10/13:Consulting Attorney.
9/8: Topic of Speaker: False Accusations of Child Molestation & assumption Dad is 'guilty until proven innocent', just like dealing with IRS.
MEETINGS: 2nd Mondays at 7 pm. Visit us so that you can compare & talk about your experiences with lawyers and trade ideas in S.Mississippi area. Look for more info. at a later date. ONE IDEA MAY SAVE YOUR CASE OR MUCH MONEY. Stand together and we/you have a chance.
__________________ PURPOSE______________________
DAD organizers/volunteers generally believe that existing interpretations and the laws in force contain prejudicial statements or interpretations which erode or eliminate fairness for fathers and their relatives in child custody. FAIR MEDIATION MAY HELP.
It is irresponsible for elected, appointed or hired officials, or employees of any government agency to make general statements disrespectful of fathers' natural rights and assumed attitudes based on behavior of or beliefs about a few fathers and their relationships to their kids. Recent election campaigns included exaggerated remarks, to take advantage of fathers generally, going for the mothers' vote, at the gross expense of the children-of-divorce. Fathers vote! Together with their relatives, add the votes of 'mothers' who's sons have kids.
It is a very vocal minority that seeks to preserve the body of 'interpretations' and 'customary' archaic assumptions, which causes fathers to be mostly eliminated in consideration as primary caregivers. Courts have brutally responded to loud talk of the significant but minority group of mothers with custody of their children who are not receiving support by the fathers. Some fathers have reacted to the general prejudice in rulings against them,rulings that have driven fathers away from their kids, empowering the mother. Delaying or stopping child support, or dropping out of society generally are the usual reactions; arguments leading to kidnapping or violence are unusual, but most interesting to the media, legal profession and Court.
A father without substantial visitation, whether formerly married to the mother or not, whether they are able to be near the children or not, if denied what they feel is fair access to their kids are more likely to stop paying child support. Add to the voting majority then, those mothers with primary care, who allow substantial access by their kids' natural father, who are receiving the Court-ordered child support. Why then are the politicians trying to appeal to such a minority of disgruntled women, by carrying banners about "dead-beat dads"?
Courts and lawyers, obsessed with extracting money from the fathers, whatever the divorcing parents can pay, using costs to ultimately 'naturally' force the 2 to accept their divorce decree, fail to see 'who' is actually paying the costs: The "children"pay. Ruining families and careers, destroying financial equity, jobs, livelyhoods and the ability to support the families and children is typical, and is a most likely way of life perpetrated by the laws & combatants today. Packing the prisons, garnishing the fathers' wages, blasting fathers generally in the press and subsequent laws and political campaigns, only causes further degeneration of respect for marriage and society.
Children can have little respect for a society that does this to their lives, and dropping out of sight is their method to strike back. If the father has little or no access to his kids(if he is at least willing to be responsible) and has to keep up very significant child support payments while having virtually no say how HIS contribution to the kids is spent,..., it is far more likely he will stop sending money. This has been proven in significant studies.
One parent families deny major components of the needs of children. Courts assuming responsibility for 'jurisdiction' over the children paints over the ultimate illness growing within the minds and emotions of the children. Disrespect for authority results. The majority of juvenile delinquents come from fatherless homes, and our courts have contributed significantly to this. Its also a fact that from juvenile delinquents come a high percentage of adult criminals and those with pathological tendencies. In many nations the disintegration of the family has devastating and long-term bad effects on the single-parent and children-of-divorce. Add to that the fact that fathers are routinely treated as second class citizens by the legal system, and the social welfare system.
Example: Look how many HHS offices arrange for women the legal consul to persue fathers, compared to supporting fathers for same. Is it logical? Is it a response to unfair divorce decrees where child custody is a principle factor? Can this prejudice be fixed or can social services offices be blocked from financing legal support? Call your representatives!
Usually the fathers' direct authority and emotional contribution to the children are ignored, cut off, impossible to accomodate & tolerate by the mothers. The cycle of degenerating lifestyle, the economics of 2 households(versus 1), the burdens of time and responsibility, eliminate functionality of all concerned. Mothers, whether fairly or unfairly empowered by the courts in the award of primary care, full physical custody, or similar control, usually do not feel they need take any opinion, let alone a direction or preference, suggested by the father, along with his $ support. Divorce is not usually a very friendly matter, and all later disagreements easily become exaggerated, and raise the specter of anger, even hatred, similar to the original problems .
The psychological damage of growing up primarily with one parent for whatever reasons, contributes to many children becoming resentful of one or both parents. They may grow up to take out their aggression on anyone representing their parent(s), or society in general. Children, after Courts award imaginary future income to mothers, and debts, penalties and prison to fathers, are fundamentally doomed to conflict and likely failure. Who pays? The children pay, all pay, the laws don't work, society fails.
Laws must be changed. We are now, in our ridiculous preoccupation with our legal systems, thinking we can cure the most crucial of all family problems by 'ruling' that some arbitrary plan be followed. That concept is usually adverse in its effects on fathers, and then kids in the long run. Divorce frequently is caused by financial problems, and many of those are precipitated by loss of jobs, change of jobs, corporate down-sizing, and various socio-economic facts of modern life in the U.S. We're going to "pay" in many ways by ignoring these factors in the settlement of child custody, by archaic thinking and awarding custody therefore to mothers in the vast majority of divorce decrees.
Many politicians, lobbyists and candidates, as well as employees of government and related organizations openly and covertly undermine the concept of the fathers' role in respect to family, divorce, and especially child custody. These inequities, gross or subtle violations of fathers' rights, and the childrens' rights to their relationship with their fathers, need to be exposed in the media and in legislative procedures. Every candidate should be prepared to very seriously address this issue, instead of pandering to voters on simply 'feel good' issues.
Both parents, except for the few with recent criminal/substance or sexual abuse records, whenever remotely possible, should have equal time and access to their children, and financial/time responsibility 'proportionately'. The law should not refer in generalities like "tender years", "joint physical custody...only if both parents agree", "no fault", etc., whenever children are concerned. The surgical separation of natural parents(all other legal attributes and limitations being reasonably compared) from their children should be blind of sex, race, social-economic background and education.
A SUGGESTED FIRST STEP TO TAKE TO REDUCE PROBLEMS:
More likely today, as in the past 25 years, if a parents have doubts about their marriage, they just get a divorce. In contrast is the comparative length of marriages and reasons for divorce in the previous 75 years. With increase in longevity (lifespan), general mobility(airlines, cars & highway system),and communications technologies, the economy of the family and of divorce has changed. We also have much different lifestyles, role models, education & career opportunities, wages and dependence on one another generally. Divorce law has been rewritten, especially since the first 'no fault' conditions were established in California(1969). Increasingly the state laws, and faster than the laws, 'interpretations' of law, have been liberalized, normalized, genderized, changed.
Focus has shifted from the family and security of children, to more of individual interests, mostly for mothers. Roles have been changing as women have(of interest & necessity) moved into the workplace, persued careers and responsibilites outside of the home & family. Wages have been normalizing reflecting job responsibilities more, gender less, but cost of living has dramatically increased. Census data: In 1960 nine out of ten mothers of pre-school children stayed home with their children; by 1990, one out of ten did the same. Negative values associated with divorce were very different for men and women. In the 1950's, unless comparatively rich, divorce had more of a catastrophic effect on the family, and was less 'an alternative' than it has seemed to be after the 1960's.
Laws supposedly reflect what people want, and adults consider themselves and their lifestyles first, and their viewpoints change the rules. Secondarily children are considered within the resulting legal framework, but no one responsibly asks the children, in any statistically significant and scientifically sound way. Children would not authorize divorce for 'no fault' and such selfish reasons that adults have, thus endangering their home, health and future security. Adults have changed the laws, to make what adults think adults are entitled to easier to have. Through 'primary care' , 'tender years' , & other cute legalese, courts have ruled against fathers with prejudice.
Responsibilities of men and women within marriage and family have become increasingly similar in consideration of children, especially after the child's first months or year. Religious concepts of family, morality and role models are being replaced by liberalized ideas of choice, individual 'rights', casual sex, job & wage equality. This has caused great disruption of the family, social and governmental responsibilities, and appplication of law.
Unique and specific role-playing responsibilities within the family are supposed now to have less sex-linked significance,but they are still argued by women to be sex-linked and crucial to the raising of children. The fundamental linkage of women raising children, imagined by lawmakers(>90% are men), argued by women even as they sue for their 'no fault' divorce, flies in the face of the interest of women to be liberated from 1950's family role models. But it is a tool still given them, used often to get everything they want,and the children. Judges(mostly men) continue to think women and children are inseparable, one, five, "twelve" years or even longer, and the interpretations of law reflect this, or it is still implied in the laws(written mostly by men). Meanwhile divorce has been made easier and easier, and judges reward women with the children, and child support, Fathers are isolated without choice. Women have choice now and can take the kids or split them with the father. The 'non-custodial' parent universally is considered more financially responsible than culturally necessary.
The Courts should not continue to encourage mothers to seek divorce(an easy way out). They encourage divorce because a mother has the option of having her kids and financial child support , and alimony, but fathers do not. When-children-are-concerned, by interpreting generic(supposedly unbiased) laws, and favoring mothers versus fathers, judges allow women the choice of keeping their children. It is like a reward. In 'no fault' cases, i.e. most cases, anti-family behavior cannot be used to override the woman's option. Present divorce laws & rulings based on "no fault" now favor mothers and 'encourage' divorce because of coincident effects of jobs, pay scales, schools and other social factors. The inadequate laws and bad judgements, always slow to change, have contributed to the destruction of families largely at the childrens and fathers expense.
Where do our role models, lifestyles, and concepts of family come from? It is a complex source, but major influence has been felt for several decades, broadcast by TV and movies. With both parents busy or away from the home, working and/or pursuing their 'careers', children have been increasingly watching TV and movies. The shows, firstly the movies, have degenerated in their displays of amoral concepts, violence, infidelity, unhealthy lifestyles, the glorification of irresponsibility and money myths. Children, like tape recorders, memorizing everything, conditioned to accept anything on screen, have grown up, putting into play their vast decision-making capacity conditioned by the media.
Nearly two generations have been seriously affected by TV, and the widespread use of the film, tape and recorded media, largely displaying amoral lifestyles. These behavior patterns have given large groups of our society the peculiar aspects of the liberal Hollywood lifestyle. It has been perpetrated by the media for over two decades with intensification of violence, and the display of casual sex more and more explicitlly. For those unaware, it is brainwashing with exotic and fantastic,expensive techniques, but brainwashing as effective as that used during the Korean War.
Anything can be broadcast now with the use of the Internet, so watch out in a few years for even more degeneration of behavior, especially by children exposed to the multiple new sources of influence. Watch a few daytime soap operas to get examples of degenerate morality for examples of the cause for higher divorce rates('degenerate' as defined by most religious philosophies originated prior to the 1960's).
If a person's physical health is affected by eating the wrong foods, perhaps their mental health and perception of marriage is affected adversely by watching trashy concepts of marriage, ...and child-rearing that goes with it. Two generations have been increasingly raised by, even educated in crucial 'guiding principles', by the 'television mentality'. (Is it any wonder we have problems with the role models and exaggerated antics that TV and movies push in our kids' faces?) Clean up TV and movie examples of behavior over the next years, and, after the decade it may take to have an effect, probably the audience will begin to behave in more responsible ways.
Women, judges and legislators should face facts about fatherless homes(and include with the 'fatherless' most of the 'blended' families that do not have effective fathers). These are the homes out of which come the largest percentage of problem kids, becoming adults sooner and sooner. Look at the statistics:
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes;
63% of youth suicides are children from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept.of Health & Human Services/Census Data);
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Center for Disease Control);
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Nat'l. Principals Association, Report on the state of High Schools);
70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept.,1988);
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol.14, p.403-26);
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes (Fulton County, Georgia, Jail Populations Statistics, and also, Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992).
These statistic may be translated and understood to mean that: CHILDREN FROM FATHERLESS HOMES ARE:
5 times more likely to commit suicide,
32 times more likely to run away from home,
20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders,
14 times more likely to commit rape,
9 times more likely to drop out of school,
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances,
9 times more likely to end up in a state operated institution, and
20 times more likely to end up in prison.
THE MEDIA'S PERVASIVE INFLUENCE ON CHILDREN:
The media's influence has numerous 'special interests' behind it, that seek to influence, achieve recognition, generate monitary rewards for the sponsors, and insure its continuance as a social force. Some sponsors are foreign, owning some major motion picture corporations and studios. These influence advertising of their own national products as well. Other corporate owners,Cap.Cities/ABC,of similar religious, ethnic, fraternal, or social background, have goals that may be one and the same, if they perpetuate the amoral, violent, anti-religious beliefs of the rest of the population(the audience). Let responsibility be laid upon any group that practices such sponsorship.
Role models, selected by the sponsors of the media and their clients and contractors(media directors and owners) have much to do with juvenile delinquency, anti-social behavior patterns, and ultimately the level irrational or violent behavior among their audience, largely children and young adults, prison inmates, and those who, for whatever reason, cannot find enough work. Except for retired or incapacitated or sick people, the above are those watching TV and movies extensively, who are most easily influenced by what they see, albeit in only 'lifelike' acting.
The requirements to be in front of a camera, and on the TV, have generally been unspecified, however the tabloid press is full of examples: Youthful look, dirty talk, capability to act out violent and amoral themes. Add to that the guiltless behavior that directors and advertisers encourage and/or demand in efforts to seek to gain the attention of increasingly bored audiences. The whole time that 'modern' parents are at work or following their careers, the children are watching all the media's garbage with open minds. These are not normally the criteria for healthy society, but for degeneration of the next generations.
Look at the rise of the divorce rate and brainwashing by the movies, soaps, 'family-hour' TV series, and degeneration of role models from responsible people down to those who only immitate anything in a script. Respect for life, family and fathers' of children-of-divorce have followed the media lifestyles, while the media perpetually exaggerates eccentricities, extremes of emotion, the bizarre. Count the rise of 'slap-stick' comedy, shocking graphic scenes or the use of 'stand-up comics'(once reserved for small adult audiences with tolerance/demand for crude humor); the dependence increases as you move to radio('shock jocks') and the litany of garbage opinion brought out, presumably by sponsors. Maybe we should think more about what those irresponsible sponsors are selling us, who are operating without regard to longer term influence of the content of the media 'shows', and stop buying that sponsor's products. The same sponsors usually portray fathers as incompetents, or super violent, or the perpetrators of most crimes, on TV and in movies, thus lowering respect by children for fathers for the next decade. If the shoe fits,....
Recommeded for further reading:
"Life Without Father" by David Poepeno
"Fatherless America" by David Blankenhorn
"The Liberator"(6 issues/year newspaper) E-mail: mensdefens@aol.com Men's Defense Association 17854 Lyons St.; Forest Lake,MN 55025-8107
Recommended for further contacts, insights, references, advice & perhaps assistance(we don't assume responsibility for specific advice or tangential interests of these organizations):
www.vix.com for Fathers' Rights & Equality Exchange 3140 De La Cruz Blvd., Suite 200 Santa Clara, CA 95054 Tel:415-853-6877 or 1-500-FOR-DADS
National Congress for Men and Children, Gulf Coast Chapter 4102 Chicot St., Suite D; Pascagoula,MS 39581 Tel.or Fax: 228-762-DADS (3237) Attn: Reginald A. Day
____________________ SUPPORT____________________
Contributions will be welcomed and accounted for in detail for the purposes of re-establishing the role of fathers in the family. Nominal cost of our publications, mailings, meetings, calling, sign-posting, web page and lobbying efforts will be defrayed by contributions. If non-members wish copies by mail, cost is expected to be shared by those who can help. Dues are $20, when you can afford them. Contributions will be accepted. We are incorporated.
We attend Court sessions with fathers and relatives of fathers to lend support. This additionally lets the Court know that the perpetual losers in child custody cases are not alone. The next election campaigns will also hopefully realize our interests. It may be a slow process to obtain change, but we will work at it as long as it takes. One or two judgeships are crucial in the 1998 elections in the Chancery Court system for Harrison, Hancock & Stone Co. These coastal counties of SE-Mississippi comprise the 2nd largest economy of the state outside of the state capitol area.
For tax and liability purposes the DAD is a non-profit corporation, however this refers to the activities of the principle persons, not the members specifically. Your contributions should be considered deductible for IRS purposes. In our present 'new chapter' we have much less money than needed for expenses, have no employees, and depend on volunteers, free meeting space and our GEOCITIES web site entirely.
___________________ MEETINGS____________________
Meetings are held on the 2nd Monday of each month, except major holiday conflicts when you should call to confirm. Our original meeting place is the PEPSI COLA distribution plant conference room at 13300 Dedeaux Road, Gulfport, MS in the Orange Grove area, at 7pm. If the location changes it will be posted below & usually over by 9. (You can arr.late/lv.early.)
After leaving a message at the above tel. #, if you do not get a return call about a specific meeting date, the Pepsi Cola plant information operator at 228-831-4343 may know if and when we have reserved their meeting room. Note the latest date of this web page, specified by the announced meeting dates.
If there are no other meeting notices posted here, the directions to Pepsi are: If coming from the Gulfport or I-10, Take US Hwy.49 to 2nd traffic light(1 mi.)north of Interstate10. Take Dedeaux Road east from US Hwy.49. After passing through 2 traffic lights, go about 1/2mile past Three Rivers Rd.(that is the 2nd stoplight) and turn left into main entrance of Pepsi/7Up plant.
Park just past the front & MainEntrance, adjoining the circular drive and fountain, or in the next parking area. Enter the meeting room by the door to left of main entrance. Coffee & Pepsi provided.
Special arrangements will be made if we have a guest speaker and expect more than about 75 people to attend. We will try to inform you if you have given us your name, address and affiliation/interest to DAD.
________________COMMUNICATIONS_________________
DAD & DADS, especially in phone#'s are not unique to us.This DAD group is a volunteer effort and is organized in relation to the non-profit group DAD regional guidelines, founded in Tupelo,MS and in a few other states. More information will be sent if you write to us. As this web site is further updated later, we may have an internet-related service reponse.
The hotline to another national organization using 'DAD' by is 1-800-790-DADS, the National Fatherhood Initiative. This site has valuable instructions on being a father, improving the relationships between fathers and their children, and guidance. It does not specifically address paralegal and support help for the father who must be helped in court, with encouragement and informational support. "F.R.E.E.", listed earlier herein does recommend changes in California laws(that ultimately may influence lawmakers in other states).
This chapter of DAD seeks the 'equalization' of the responsibility of parenting between natural parents, reasonable and fair application of gender-neutral laws, and cooperation in the care and education of children. (Not as practiced until recently.)
Any member of DAD who openly campaigns or speaks for this or similar causes is not necessarily speaking for the DAD group. DAD is a forum for all and may help sponsor debates, and especially bring up "issues" of significance to the leveling of the playing field, where both natural parents are treated fairly. (Not as has been the effective application of law to date in many, many cases.)
Contact us if you are considering our quest to make it part of your quest. We may be able to recommend attorneys in SE-Mississippi or elsewhere as our experience grows. Our members have experience in a half-dozen states already. In some situations, such as assumptions of which state has juridiction, we can caution you and it could save you a small fortune, or change your kids' lives
We do not yet revisit our site daily, or have a chance to attempt to respond automatically. Because of our limited resources, volunteers may not get back to you in time before a meeting, so be prepared to find out about our meetings elsewhere. We may try to update a listing in the Gulfport/Biloxi SUN-HERALD.
This is just one local chapter, so call, write, and try again later to reach us or meet us at the Pepsi Cola plant meeting room. We hope to have an email "Guestbook" started soon.
Point of Contact: dadshelp@geocities.com
_____________228-868-DADS (3237)__________________
National DAD telephone: 1-800-790-DADS (3237)
Initial Address: DAD
P.O.Box C
Pass Christian, MS 39571
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