Those who can - drive. Those who can't - well.....they, too drive; just not quite as well as the rest of the motorized public. With every passing day there seems to be an ever-increasing quantity of "those who can't."
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the basic act of driving is one that has become increasingly more difficult. When I first began to drive, I saw it as an almost fun experience...now it's more of a pain in the ass than a hepatits-B shot. The reasons are numerous, but I can say with a clear conscience that the main offenders causing this newfound difficulty are the Other Drivers. You know the type - the people who think that they're some mystical reincarnation of Richard Petty when taken in the context of their own automobiles but, when looking how their maneuvers affect everyone else on the road, they really posess driving skills rivaling that of Estelle Getty after one too many gin and tonics.
Other Drivers have many visages and seem to show up when least expected. They remain perpetually faceless and anonymous throughout the time you engage them. See if you can recognize any of the following criminals (these are the ones that youāll meet up with on an almost weekly basis):
First, there is Cocky Man - who seems to have made it his mission in life to cut off everybody he comes across on the road....and when he does he leaves less than an inch of space between his car and then next. Cocky Man doesn't feel remorse for his actions; in fact he seems to blame you.
Along with Cocky Man comes The Person Who Has Had Their Left Blinker on Since Tuesday. You can never be sure if this character is contemplating a lane shift, if they're telling you where they just were, or what. My money's on the fact that they're just plain dumb.
Then there's The Lady Who is Going Waaaay to Slow to Be in the Fast Lane (these names are getting kind of long, aren't they?). You'll know when you're behind this person when cars in the slow lane are passing you.
Finally, there's The Fossil - some older person who shouldn't be let near sharp objects, let alone driving a car. The Fossil is infamous for going less than half the speed limit, and swerving all about the road. Watch out when trying to get around these people, because they might swerve and take half of your car off.
What makes driving worse - to me anyway - is the seemingly endless types of cars available today. Some are made very well and have fully functioning apparati, but yet there are others that are basically moving piles of scrap. This just increases the threat of possible wreckage on the roadways -- which leads to an increase in traffic, thereby infuriating me (and no one wants that, especially me).
Donāt even get me started on big rigs or busses on the highways.......
A solution I have come up with would be to have some sort of side-mounted gun that you could use to shoot the idiots on the road with. Not actually shoot them with bullets or anything, but rather mark them with a paintball or something - just so that other people could see them on the roads and know to beware of them.
One last roadway danger of note: bad conditions and junk on the roads. Sometimes you'll be in your car, just cruisin' around, and then - boom - you hit....something. Usually, this "something" looks like it once belonged to a car of some sort - but you can never quite tell. Then there are things like trash, construction materials, inclement weather, squirrels, etc. And if you were to come across these things on stretches of unpaved or stripped roads, the conditions get as dangerous as a precinct of cops at a doughnut shop that just sold its last dozen.
Anyway - now onto some simple observations about drivers. Like how people treat their cars as portable versions of their houses. For example, keeping a change of clothes in your car. I mean, come on - is that really necessary? Maybe I should have said they treat it like their bathroom, because not a day goes by that I don't see some guy shaving in his car (and isn't THAT just the safest of activities to be doing while driving), or some woman applying makeup at a red light (well, why else would those little mirrors be there, right ladies?). I canāt stand waiting at a blaring green light because some fashion consultant ahead of me is trying to decide what shade of rouge to apply.
The basic solution would be for drivers to realize two things. One: you do not own the road....you don't - get over it. No matter how much it may pain you to do so, you must watch out for everyone else on the road...just like they're watching out for you. Two: you're not in that big of a hurry. Weāve suddenly become a nation of Jeff Goldblums, forever trying to evade the oncoming T-rex - "must go faster, must go faster!" If we slowed down a little bit, then maybe - just maybe - the hazardous times that seem to dominate the roadways these days would lighten up a little bit. And a little bit is a good start.
Now, chin up, buckle up, and watch out for those other drivers.
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