The tobacco industry is getting really desperate, people. All I can say is: it's about time.
Let me first get to why I loathe and despise this industry as much as I do. Let's face it - tobacco companies are in the business of killing people....plain and simple. And they do so in such a disgusting way that I can't believe it actually works for them - they make people PAY for it. Smokers are basically shelling out money to die early. I think I'm going to say that again, because it seems fairly important: patrons of the smoking industry are content to hand their money over to people who, in return for said money, deliver a lethal product to the consumer. I am so overwhelmed by the stupidity of it all that I think I need a cigarette (ooh....feel the sarcasm).
I mean, what do smokers really think they're getting out of their habit? I mean, it isn't like the cigarettes taste good or anything, or that the slight asphyxiation reached by a quick drag is a fun sensation. Is it for social status? I donât think that youâll seem any more cool to people with a hacking cough and stained teeth. "Hey - look at him, he's inhaling smoke into his lungs....wow, he's TOO cool!" The only way smoking makes people gather around you en masse is when they're gathered at your funeral saying it was such a shame that your habit eventually killed you, ok Cancer Boy?
Is it because smokers think it looks neat to have a cigarette? Well, I guess they can put their minds to rest reflecting on how great they'll look when they have a tracheotomy ring after they contract throat cancer....they're sure to be the hit of the party then.
Maybe it's because they're just addicted to smoking....but that can't be. I mean, smoking isn't addictive! Perish the thought. I mean, the tobacco companies don't think that they're selling a habit-forming product - and who'd know better than they would? How could Marlboro think that their product is dangerous when the past four Marlboro Men have died of - you guessed it - cancer??? This is another reason why I hate this industry - they're so steeped in their own nicotine-laced b.s. that it has ceased to be funny. They know damn well that their product is harmful, yet they won't do so much as admit it. I mean, these people would probably announce that the sky was green if it helped to save their asses.
This brings me to the point I was referring to before I got off on that Nell Carter-sized tangent. In recent months, tobacco companies have come under extreme scrutiny and investigation, and rightfully so. I half-expected them to call out Bob Dole from retirement to try to give them support; but I guess he was too tired to climb out of their pocket to be of any help.
Anyway, it seems as if their new strategy is a desperate one - they're going to try to BUY their freedom. Their plan is to offer money (as well as a reduction in advertising) in return for immunity from most litigation. Doesn't this seem strange to anyone but me?! You can't buy your way out of the law...it doesn't work that way. Big Tobacco has found no other way but to use its greatest resource - money - to get itself out of the bind it has found itself caught in. God help me (as well as the nation) if the deal is accepted by all parties - I swear I'll turn into a citizen Conan and unleash vengeance upon whoever signed the papers in that agreement.
Touching on the advertising portion of that argument, cutting back on cigarette promotion won't matter. You could do away with all the cigarette commercials and posters and it would have no effect on anything. Mass media doesn't sell cigarettes...they sell themselves. The only possible consumers advertising may help draw into buying cigarettes would be those that don't really know about them - namely: children.
This is where the tobacco companies cross the ultimate line...preying off of young people. And they DO prey - make no mistake about it. Big Tobacco is like some giant vulture looming over the heads of unsuspecting children, waiting to swoop down and get them addicted to their products. You can see it in the advertising...see it in society. This is the tobacco industry's greatest crime - getting kids to turn to smoking or some other tobacco-related activity.
Though I got sidetracked from my intended idea (well, really sidetracked, I guess) - the point is clear: tobacco is sensing its demise and is going to go out kickin' and screamin'. With this new tactic of trying to buy its way out of the trouble it's in, the tobacco industry may be giving itself just enough rope to hang itself with.
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