RULES
Submitted by John Koelemy
A CARRIAGE AND wagon factory posted the following Rules for Employees in 1872:
"Employees shall daily sweep floors, fill lamps, clean chimneys, whittle pen nibs...take one night a week off for courting, and if they are thrifty, faithful, faultless, attentive to religious duties, and stay out of jail they will be given an increase of five cents a day after five years. That is if profits justify it." v
Millworkers Lament
The Lighter Side of Two's News! PPWC local 2
They say we are spoiled, we've had it too good
They make us feel guilty, I don't think they should.
We've worked long and hard and glad we've been able
To have some nice things and put food on the table.
It's o.k. for you Dad to work in the mills,
Could you lend me some money to help pay my bills?
They say unions are too strong, and have too much power
Gee maybe that's why we've made more than 10 bucks an hour!
Get back to work the papers implore -
So you'll spend more money in our store.
One job in a mill supports 6 in the town
When 200 of us go, how many will frown.
They won't cut your benefits, won't cut your pay
Tell it to someone who worked at Safeway.
When business is booming and profits they soar
And records are set by the guys on the floor,
The managers smile, pat themselves on their backs
But when things go quite wrong we get the flack.
Do the bosses cut wages - I don't think so!
Let's fire the janitor, we'll save some more dough.
Global companies are headless and kind of dirty,
It will soon be like working in 1930.
Then they worked 14 to 16 now it's just 8
Compared to that we have it great.
If they get their way, and the companies choose
It's our standard of living we stand to lose.
It will never happen I hear you say
Did you ever hear of the MIA?
I've been a working man all of my life
Seen times of good, seen times of strife.
Not meant to be critical, not meant to be mean
Just some of the observations I've lately seen.
Now I know it's a profit they have to make
But how about some give and not just all take!
In case you missed the headlines, Recent winners of the "pink-slip jackpot":
GRAND PRIZE WINNER
GENERAL MOTORS
General Motors has made $34 billion in profits over the past fifteen years after eliminating 240,000 jobs
FIRST RUNNER-UP
ALBERT DUNLAP
Scott Paper fired 11,100 people, merged with Kimberly-Clark, and CEO Albert Dunlap pocketed $100 million
SECOND RUNNER-UP
ROBERT ALLEN
AT&T chairman Robert Allen's successfully eliminated 40,000 jobs and earned a cool $16 million
THIRD RUNNER-UP
LOUIS GERSTNER
IBM chairman Louis Gerstner fired 60,000 workers and made $2.6 million v
TEST YOUR TEMPER
From your EAP Committee (From the guardian local 1119 Port Mellon)
Anger is a natural emotion. When we deny that we are angry we are denying something fundamentally human. But people who "fly off the handle" easily may be more susceptible to heart disease or other illnesses, so it's important to know how often you place yourself at risk.
Scoring:
If the statement is:
* Never true, score 1
* Is sometimes true, score 2
* Is often true, score 3
* Is always true, score 4.
Anger questions
1. It doesn't take much to get me mad.
2. People tell me I should calm down.
3. I blow up at terrible drivers.
4. If I'm upset, I'll hit the dog or cat
5. I'm furious about the way I get treated at restaurants or stores.
6. When other people's mistakes slow me down, it can upset me for the whole day.
7. People call me hotheaded.
9. I swear loudly to blow off steam.
10. I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry.
11. I've been told I have a bad temper.12. If you embarrass me in front of someone, I'll be furious.
13. I'm a very ambitious person, so sometimes I get impatient and angry with other people.
14. I've been known to break things when I'm frustrated.
TOTAL SCORE:___________
What your score means:
If you score 18 or below, you have a high temper threshold, are able to stay calm in situations that frustrate many others. This helps you manage your stress levels.
If you score 19-27, you get angry about as often as most people. If you score 28-35, you might be under too much stress, or getting angry may be a habit. Take this score seriously, and begin to make changes now, before it affects your health.
If your score is over 35, and you continue with your temper, you run the risk of health problems. Source: Parlay International
True Value
CALM
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage labourer who has
kids to feed.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who has missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who has avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics. v
Lawer humor
The following questions were not made up. Lawyers asked them during trials in the U.S. They were in a recent issue of the Massachusetts Bar Association Journal.
Q. Now, Doctor, isn't true it that, when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q. So the date of the conception of your baby was approximately August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. And what were doing at the time?
Q. She had three children, right?
A. Yes.
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there any girls?
Q. Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A. I went to Europe, sir.
Q. And did you take your new wife?
Q. How was you first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
Q. Do you recall, Doctor, the time that you examined the body?
A. The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q. And was Mr. Dennington dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. I've been qualified to do that since early childhood.
Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check the pulse?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No.
Q. So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A. No.
Q. How can you be sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q. But could the patient still have been alive, nevertheless?
A. It is possible, I suppose that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. v
MEGA MORON AWARDS
Local 2's website
NEW YORK: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
ANN ARBOR: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
KENTUCKY: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
And the funniest one of all times...
FLORIDA: A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F----UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. v
CEP Local 298