The West Texas Hillbillies
(Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name George.
A wild-catting redneck from a West Texas gorge.
He drank like a fish, an' I don't mean a trout.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is! Criminal record! Cover-up!
Well, the first thing you know Georgie Porgy goes to Yale.
He ain't worth a damn, but he raised a lot of hell.
He spent all his time a[ss]-kissin' all the blokes.
An that's when he started to snort a little coke.
Blow, that is! White gold! Nose candy!
The next thing you know a war in Vietnam comes.
Big Bush said: "Georgie, stay at home with Mom."
Let all the little guys get maimed and shot to hell;
In Texas' Nation'l Guard, I'll get you a spot that's swell.
Cushy, that is! Country clubs! Nose candy!
Two decades later, Georgie got a little bored.
He traded in the booze for coke and said he loved the Lord.
He said: "State capital is the place I wanna be."
So he called up his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Governor, that is! Corrupt politics! Soul-selling for contributions!
A few years later, fat cats got a little bold.
They looked for a candidate who could be controlled.
George said: "The White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called up his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is! Dixiecrats! Theocrats! Fat Cats!
Come election polls, Georgie didn't rate.
Big Bush said "Jeb, steal Georgie boy your state!"
"Barricade Democrats; don't let them in your polls."
So they deleted blacks, and took them off the rolls.
Voters, that is! Choice Point! Felons-lists!
Come election night, miscountin' ran quite late.
Big Bush said "Jeb, steal Duh?bya your state!"
"Don't let Jewish votes all get counted right."
They stopped counting pregnant chads for so many nights.
Chads, that is! Butterfly ballots! Buchanan!
Once they were recounting, Supreme Injustices stepped in.
Five did all they could to make little Georgie win!
They fired all the counters and sent them on vacation.
And that's how Georgie Porgie finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is! Illegitimate! No controlling legal authority!
Y'all come back and vote now. Ya hear?
The Ballad of Jeb Bushit
Come 'n listen to my story 'bout a boy named Jeb
Rich Texas boy always bedded all the debs.
An' then one day, he was drinkin' all his food,
An' up from his booz came a badass mood.
Ambition, that is! Money! Power!
Well, the first thing ya know, Jeb's a millionaire.
Big Bush said, "Son, move away from here." Said
Floridi is the place y'oughta be, so Jeb
Jumped in his jet, and he flew to Miami.
Beach, that is! Swimmin' pools, Bikini blonds!
Young Jeb bought a mansion. Lawdy it was swank.
Next door neighbor was pres'dent of the bank,
Lotsa folks objected, but the banker found no fault,
'Cause Jeb's Dad's millions was a-layin' in his vault
Oil, that is! Black gold, Capital gains, depletion allowance!
Well, the next thing ya know, Jeb's a ladies' man
Big Bush said, "Boy, get away from thaem." Said
Tallahassee is the place y'oughta be, so Jeb
Jumped in his jet, and he flew to Tallahassee.
Lassies, that is! Groupie girls! Politics!
Young Jeb bought his women. Lawdy they sure stank.
Next door neighbors were pres'dents of some banks,
Lotsa folks objected, but the bankers found no faults,
'Cause Jeb's Dad's millions was a-layin' in their vaults
Cash, that is! Payoffs! "Contributions"? Politics!
Come 'n listen to my story 'bout a boy named Jeb
Rich Mama's boy always bedded all the debs.
An' then one day, he was actin' mighty lewd,
An' up from his booze came a badass mood.
Respect, that is! Power! Politics!
Well, the next thing ya know, Jeb's his Daddy's heir.
Big Bush said, "Son, move away from there." Said
"Gov'ner's Mansion is the place y'oughta be," so Jeb
Jumped off his women, and he got married.
Fam'ly, that is! Fam'ly values! Respectability! Women on the side!
Well, the next thing ya know, Jeb's a fam'ly man.
Big Bush said, "Jeb, be a bus'nessman." Said
Board room is the place y'oughta be, so they
Got him a job, and he bred a family.
Kids, that is! Homework! Switchins! Women on the side!
Come 'n listen to my story 'bout a boy named Jeb
Rich Texas boy always bedded all the debs.
An' then one day, he was actin' like a prude
Lyin' 'bout really caring for his brood
Lyin', that is! Fam'ly values! Women on the side!
Young Jeb bought election. Lawdy it was rank.
His big supporters were pres'dents of the banks,
Lotsa folks objected, but the bankers found no faults,
'Cause young Jeb's millions was a-layin' in their vaults
Cash, that is! Contributions! Bought votes!
Young Jeb stole election for his brother too:
Big Bush said, "Walk in your brother's shoes.
If you steal elections to make him President,
Some day to you the White House be lent."
Chads, that is! Voter lists, deleted felons!
Well now it's time to say goodbye to Jeb and all his kin
An' we would like to thank Texans fer kindly droppin' in.
They're all invited back again to this locality,
T'have a heapin' helpin' of our hospitality:
Trials fer treason, that is! Set in jail awhile, shave their hair off!
Y'all come back here!
Lyrics parodied by Ed Marshall; I believe the original lyrics were by Paul Henning and music by Perry Botkin for Paul Henning. The original score of "The Ballad of Jed Clampett," was composed by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.
Following is another version available on the internet by an unknown parodist which I call:
The Houston Hillbillies
(Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song)
Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is! Criminal record! Cover-up!
Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale.
He can't spell his name, but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is! White gold! Nose candy!
The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say: "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is! Country clubs! Nose candy!
Twenty years later, George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said: "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is! Falwell! Jesse Helms!
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
So they put up barricades, so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is! Duval County! Miami-Dade!
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win!"
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is! Illegitimate! No moral authority!
Y'all come and vote now. Ya hear?
The West Texas Hillbillies
(Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name George.
A wild-catting redneck from a West Texas gorge.
He drank like a fish, an' I don't mean a trout.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is! Criminal record! Cover-up!
Well, the first thing you know Georgie Porgy goes to Yale.
He ain't worth a damn, but he raised a lot of hell.
He spent all his time ass-kissin' all the blokes.
An that's when he started to snort a little coke.
Blow, that is! White gold! Nose candy!
The next thing you know a war in Vietnam comes.
Big Bush said: "Georgie, stay at home with Mom."
Let all the little guys get maimed and shot to hell;
In Texas' Nation'l Guard, I'll get you a spot that's swell.
Cushy, that is! Country clubs! Nose candy!
Two decades later, Georgie got a little bored.
He traded in the booze for coke and said he loved the Lord.
He said: "State capital is the place I wanna be."
So he called up his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Governor, that is! Corrupt politics! Soul-selling for contributions!
A few years later, fat cats got a little bold.
They looked for a candidate who could be controlled.
George said: "The White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called up his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is! Dixiecrats! Theocrats! Fat Cats!
Come election polls, Georgie didn't rate.
Big Bush said "Jeb, steal Georgie boy your state!"
"Barricade Democrats; don't let them in your polls."
So they deleted blacks, and took them off the rolls.
Voters, that is! Choice Point! Felons-lists!
Come election night, miscountin' ran quite late.
Big Bush said "Jeb, steal Duh?bya your state!"
"Don't let Jewish votes all get counted right."
They stopped counting pregnant chads for so many nights.
Chads, that is! Butterfly ballots! Buchanan!
Once they were recounting, Supreme Injustices stepped in.
Five did all they could to make little Georgie win!
They fired all the counters and sent them on vacation.
And that's how Georgie Porgie finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is! Illegitimate! No controlling legal authority!
Y'all come back and vote now. Ya hear?