The West Texas Hillbillies
(Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name George.
A wild-catting redneck from a West Texas gorge.
He drank like a fish, an' I don't mean a trout.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is! Criminal record! Cover-up!
Well, the first thing you know Georgie Porgy goes to Yale.
He ain't worth a damn, but he raised a lot of hell.
He spent all his time a[ss]-kissin' all the blokes.
An that's when he started to snort a little coke.
Blow, that is! White gold! Nose candy!
The next thing you know a war in Vietnam comes.
Big Bush said: "Georgie, stay at home with Mom."
Let all the little guys get maimed and shot to hell;
In Texas' Nation'l Guard, I'll get you a spot that's swell.
Cushy, that is! Country clubs! Nose candy!
Two decades later, Georgie got a little bored.
He traded in the booze for coke and said he loved the Lord.
He said: "State capital is the place I wanna be."
So he called up his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Governor, that is! Corrupt politics! Soul-selling for contributions!
A few years later, fat cats got a little bold.
They looked for a candidate who could be controlled.
George said: "The White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called up his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is! Dixiecrats! Theocrats! Fat Cats!
Come election polls, Georgie didn't rate.
Big Bush said "Jeb, steal Georgie boy your state!"
"Barricade Democrats; don't let them in your polls."
So they deleted blacks, and took them off the rolls.
Voters, that is! Choice Point! Felons-lists!
Come election night, miscountin' ran quite late.
Big Bush said "Jeb, steal Duh?bya your state!"
"Don't let Jewish votes all get counted right."
They stopped counting pregnant chads for so many nights.
Chads, that is! Butterfly ballots! Buchanan!
Once they were recounting, Supreme Injustices stepped in.
Five did all they could to make little Georgie win!
They fired all the counters and sent them on vacation.
And that's how Georgie Porgie finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is! Illegitimate! No controlling legal authority!
Y'all come back and vote now. Ya hear?