Does oral sex bore you? Does the thought of a penis up your asshole make you yawn? Does the idea of somebody licking your pussy make you reach for the remote control? Well, have I got the cure for you. Try a fist!

The reason for this article is simple. I see myself and a couple of friends putting together a gay rag, and we noticed that it was too fucking classy! There isn't any sex! We're not like The ADVOCATE. We can't afford any glossy ads offering "massage" and phone sex ads offering "hot men that are waiting for you to call...". PLEASE! Those real men are out there having sex, and so should we, but we're too busy talking to you gentlemen and womyn! On another note, why aren't there any womyn in those ads? Alas, another story to research... Oh well, back to the topic at "hand" (couldn't resist)

The human body has been known to perform incredible feats in it's short lifespan. Superhuman acts of strength and childbirth are only two of it's superlative abilities. Did you know that the asshole has the capability of taking an entire human fist, even up to the elbow? I didn't, but what I saw the other day definitely made me think differently. Wow! To think they only give medical students grants. They should give these people a fucking medal!

Allow me to explain how I became the sexually enlightened person that I am today. You see, I work in an adult video and novelty shop. Nothing is shocking to me anymore. I have seen, and done it all, or so I had thought. Never before had I thought about doing something like this, and now I can't take my fist...sorry, my mind off of it.

It all started the day we received the 1998 video and product guides in our weekly shipment. In our biz, this day is like Christmas, as we NEED to know what is to be released in the new year and we love to read the profiles of our favourite performers. As I flipped through the ADAM GAY VIDEO GUIDE and was browsing the usual ads and such. As I reached the star profiles, a striking new face appeared to me, and that face was one of an angel. It was Cory Jay... (pause while I adjust my growth).

I had to do a double take as I asked myself, who is this perfect piece of meat (please...like any of these guys in porn are actually human)? Well, like I said, his name is Cory Jay, and he is a piece of sexual perfection. Immediately I rushed to his bio to find out what films he stars in, and to see if we had any in stock. To my ultimate dismay, we did not. Why? All his films are considered obscene by these oppressive fascists that we elect into government. You see, Cory Jay performs only in fisting movies.

"This mans asshole may not win any beauty contests, but it's got talent to burn..." says the man's bio. I tend to disagree from the picture, and I read on. "Everything from billiard balls to dirigible-size dildos call his bunghole home." Hey, I didn't write it, I am just stating the facts. How can one do this with one's body? When asked about this usual habit, Mr. Jay responds, "Practice baby. Practice" Well, I pretty much figured out that he couldn't do this overnight. Lord knows I'd be frightened if I woke up one morning to find my Magic 8-Ball missing!

Ahhhh, the romance of it all. I can just see the tapes on the shelf now..."Acres of Ass, Dr. Goodglove, Mo' Betta Butt and the sequel, Mo' Bigga Butt". They're love stories really. Well actually, more like coming of age tales. My next job was to try to track down a copy of one of these titles, no matter what contraband source I have to use. Lord knows there are one or two, cops couldn't find a criminal if one was sitting on their faces! After about a week, I finally was able to obtain a copy of Cory Jay's debut...ACRES OF ASS!!! I grabbed my bottle of astroglide and a bag of corn chips and set in for what should have been the most exciting video experience of my short 23 year life span.

So, how was my fisting video experience? Fucking painful, that's how it was. I dunno, maybe I should have got a tape for beginners instead. How the hell do they do that? If it wasn't for scientific evidence proving that you don't lose muscle control, I would swear that this boy is a definite candidate for DEPENDS!!!! Talk about having performance anxiety if you had this man in your bed. It would probably be like throwing a wiener down a hallway having sex with that man.

I would assume that he would be a lot of men's fantasies, being the obvious lack of foreplay needed to prep the man for a romantic interlude. For me, I still dream about him, regularly. I have never fantasized about a porn star before. The only difference is that in my fantasies, he doesn't bring his work home with him.