he  President is resting comfortably.  Preliminary doctors’ reports released just moments ago reveal that he has sustained no permanent injuries.  Our Republic is safe.

There have been unsubstantiated rumors that, as a result of his experiences, Mr. Clinton has reconsidered his endorsement of NAFTA and the Welfare “Reform” Bill.  It has also been suggested that he now regrets his support for the death penalty (especially by electrocution) and the Crime Bill.  Sources indicate that he is now prepared to implement meaningful campaign finance reform.

This message is brought to you by the American Electroconvulsive Association:  “Making our leaders more responsible
                                                                                  —with electricity! ”