The Monica Lewinsky Hate Page

Had you asked me a day before the interview what I had thought of Ms. Lewinsky, I would have said she was a naive little intern and that the slimy Chief Executive took advantage of her naivete. I was her staunch defender.

And then she spoke.

When I was in college (not at BU), I met a guy through some political work and we went out a few times. There was a mutual interest thing going on. It had the potential for a nice little college romance. I made the mistake of introducing him to someone I thought was my best friend. I did not hear from "Mack" again and "Roseanne" mentioned casually a while later that "Mack" was lousy in bed. I learned a brutal lesson about life: sometimes the fat girl gets the boy. I won't tell you how the story ended, but I will tell you that "Roseanne" was quite overweight with a pretty face and had quite a bit of experience with the guys (and possibly a few girls but that's another story).

"Roseanne" was an Archetype: the fat slut. Everyone knows someone like her. Many wives and fiancées and girlfriends have been cuckolded because of women like her. Beware the bubbly Reubenite who becomes too friendly with your man. She wants to steal him, and she has no respect for marriages, engagements, or the invisible line of boyfriend turf between friends.

Monica Lewinsky, by her own admission, is one of those women. She had her first affair with a married man at the tender age of 18, and by 22, "knew the rules" of having an affair with someone else's husband.

My problem with her is not her loose morals (we all have our faults), but rather that she shows no respect for others. Just because sister girlfriend had low self esteem and wanted to prove to herself what a vamp she was, she decided to turn the lives of Hillary (a woman I dislike and believe belongs in prison but nonetheless did not deserve this) and Chelsea (a completely innocent child who caught the brunt of the whole debacle) upside-down. She placed her selfish whims above a family.

I wouldn't read her book if someone gave it to me. In fact, I walked out of the room after suffering through about 90 minutes of that interview. I felt violated and sick. Anyone who answers the inane question "What is phone sex?" with an even more inane answer of "It's fun! Tee hee hee!" could not possibly have anything of consequence to share with America. That woman, Monica Lewinsky, deserves to be censored, not by the government, but by the pocketbooks and wallets of America.

As if being a sociopathic slut were not bad enough, Ms. Lewinsky displayed her lack of hygiene before all of America. First, she made her television debut not in a demure do that might win some vestige of sympathy from the American people, but some trendy thing that looked unwashed.

But then she made matters worse by telling us the story of the infamous Blue Dress. She told us the real reason it was never dry-cleaned.

First of all, she bought the thing at The Gap. The great thing about clothes from The Gap is that they are made of natural fibers, so you can just pop them into the washing machine and dryer. To my knowledge, The Gap does not sell "dry-clean only" clothes!

The next thing was that she messed around in that dress. Whether or not she knew there was anything on it, she did know that she had messed around in that dress. Any self-respecting woman would have thrown that thing into the washer (or taken it to the cleaners) IMMEDIATELY. Monica put it back into her closet to be worn again.

So then the bovine socialite outgrows the already large dress (which all dresses at The Gap are), but doesn't know it. She is invited to a dinner party and decides to wear the same nasty dress she messed around in and never washed. Can you imagine someone going to a formal dinner like that? YUCK.

Of course, the rest is history, so I'll spare you the gruesome details. Sufficeth to say, Monica Lewinsky is a nasty pig and I was thoroughly grossed out by her.

Ricki Lake
She has put on weight since this picture was taken and we all know she also likes to wear berets. In addition to the obvious physical similarities, she is also rather vapid and likes to volunteer for left of center organizations.
Delta Burke
I don't think the age difference would be a problem. However, I do think she has a dignity and level of class that would not be appropriate for this very undignified role. But then again, she did play a junkie in Touched By An Angel, so she might be able to pull it off.
Genevieve Lemon
She did a great job playing a mentally unbalanced, overweight slut in Sweetie (1990, directed by The Piano's Jane Campion), so I think she would be perfect for the role. My first choice.

Divine
If (s)he were still alive, the story would make a perfect John Waters flick -- DC is practically a suburb of Baltimore anyway. Ricki Lake could play Monica, and Divine could play Linda Tripp.
Dee Snyder
Granted, he's never acted in a serious role before, but what better role for the has-been head-banger of the Eighties? The part could give his sagging career just the jump-start it needs. And the physical similarity is uncanny.