Part 3 of the Odyssey:

Me and Two Buddha Go To Idaho

OK, now we're cooking with gas. Today's installment comes with illustrations, which you will find below.

Those of you who have met Two Buddha will no doubt be amazed at his streamlined new physique. Well, unfortunately this is less due to the effects of diet and exercise, and more to the effects of Adobe Photoshop.

In the last episode, we were in Nelson, planning to ski Red Mntn or Whitewater. However, the next morning it was still raining quite seriously. I got my first taste of luxury, with a large mug of coffee arriving at my bedside without my having to insult anyone to get it.

We decided to progress down into the US of A and visit TB's friends who had a chalet at Schweitzer, near Sandpoint Idaho. On the way we went to look at Whitewater, but they'd posted a bloke on the road to scare people off. He scared us off. (See picture of TB observing dam, which was near the US border).

Crossing into the US was fun. We don't need to get visas any more, but they neglected to mention that foreigners have to pay $6 US for their entry stamp. We didn't have $6US. Scott had some very big US notes, and the border bloke had no change. Impasse. We offered him food. No-go. Then Scott checked his ski bag and came up with many coins. Success!

We celebrated our entry by stopping at an incredibly muddy little town, which boasted a 2nd-hand ("junk") shop, where TB bought The Most Disgusting Stained-Glass Picture ever (of a skiier). It was a shocker. Then we drove up to Schweitzer. Tons and tons of snow everywhere, very impressive. On the way up to the village we stopped at the fire station (a very huge shed full of fire engines) to say g'day to Spence. TB knocked on the door. "Go away, we don't want any" came from inside. Eventually Spence let us in, and we met his dogs.

TB then had fun: he became The Dargy Gard (Doggie God in American) courtesy of some begging strips (see pictures). Spence watched this with increasing disgust, til he could take it no more and started blasting snowballs at TB, who sought speedy refuge in the van. (No pictures of that, darn it).

We continued up to the house, where Lucy was sewing a glamorous outfit. The chalet was gorgeous, very cosy, with an amazing view of the ski runs, and an even better view of Sandpoint and Lake Pend Orielle (made possible by Spence's butchering of a tree - see photo).

TB presented Spence with his present: The Most Disgusting Stained-Glass Picture ever. And he still let us stay. TB and I made dinner - he'd brought a whole bagful of meat he'd smoked. Real Yank tucker, apparently.

Well, skiing Schweitzer was definitely worthwhile, tho the rain had made it a bit icy in places (TB takes rain wherever he goes, tell the Mexicans). We got discount tickets (remember what a discount Schweitzer lift ticket and a used boot bag can get you, boys) and one whole big nearly-deserted mountain to ski.

Spence joined us at lunchtime, and amused himself by knocking TB off the cat-track (into a howling heap), sitting back on his ski tails and coasting along with most of his skis off the snow, and luring TB down a rock-hard black diamond mogul run. I was having trouble with a pair of skis whose brand shall remain nameless but suffice it to say they are bloody useless on ice, so Spence took us to the toy shop (ski hire) and helped himself to everything; TB got some Salomon X-mountains and I got some Salomon Prolink 2S (blue, jaggedy pattern at the shovels); they were conventionals, and felt like a lovely old pair of comfy slippers after the Xxxxs.

TB became toast as usual (it's hard being a Prophet. Body of TB, keep a family of 5 in eternal meat), so Spence tried to teach me moguls...interesting! Going down that black mogul run was not the greatest idea. Salomon pro-links sideslip and snowplough very well.

The following day we decided to head for Montana; but there was a problem. TB had caught a cold! What to do? We stocked up on drugs and echinacia, and got a tablecloth for him to blow his nose on at Wal-mart, and proceeded out of Idaho towards Montana. We were sorry to go; the Newtons' chalet was hard to leave, especially since TB was at the other end of it so I coudn't hear his snoring. Alas, peaceful sleeping was to come to an end.

Thus concludes the 3rd chapter. Please check out the lovely photos on my website and admire the marvels wreaked by modern computer programs. If you want to keep any of them, please copy as these pics will be replaced with ones of Montana next week!

 

Two Buddha surveys the terrain and does his daily underpants check (yep, they're working)
   
"Ah am thuh Dargy Gard..."blah blah blah

(Dog thinks: give me the food you goon)

   
View of some Schweitzer from Spence and Lucy's deck. Evil van below.
   
"He says he's the Dargy Gard"

"Well he'll look pretty silly when I take his hand off. Watch this..."

   
View of Lake Pend Orielle from the deck. That tree was ruining the view, so Spence took his chainsaw...
   
"Ah am the Dargy Gard...Hey! Where's my tummy gone?"

(Hint, look at the shadow...and see below!)

   
Lake from top of fast quad at Schweitzer. Observe the beautiful groom!
   
The horrible truth! He's not called Two Buddha for nothing.

Sorry, Scott.


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