"Hello, hello, Zola is back..."

Beaker's View:

I could sum up this match in a short paragraph like this:

We were mostly crap, they started fighting each other, stopped playing as a team and blew the match and watch out premiership, GFZ is back.

But it was slightly more interesting than that. Rodney, Duberry, Morris and Paul Hughes were in Drakes beforehand having a friendly pint with supporters and signing autographs. They weren't being overly mobbed and I wondered whether they enjoyed being able to drink in relative piece or had gone in on an ego trip hoping to be hero worshipped. Whatever, its easy to get blasé about celebrities at Stamford Bridge these days, David Baddiel and his brother were also in Drakes after the game and with the obligatory Johnny "motor mouth" Vaughan in top form there are more stars at the Bridge these days than are normally visible from the Greenwich observatory!

The game was a mixture of the sublime and the ridiculous. West Ham, had they not been quite so cautious, might have won the game, but I think Harry Rednapp was a bit wary of being on the end of a hammering. The game started well enough with a move that nearly finished with a goal being launched right from the kick off, but that was virtually all we created with the exception of a great move that finished with Wise putting the ball inches wide. This was after Ed had pulled off a magnificent save from Lomas that looked for all the world like it was going in.

The corner count in that first half must have been about 10-2 in the Hammers favour and was fairly reflective of Chelsea's play. A collective groan could be heard as Danny boy was swapped for Nicholls. Now that was hardly and eye for an eye was it!!! we all assumed it was an injury but Dan's reaction on his way from the pitch spoke volumes. In the end what looked like suicide turned out to be a pretty good move as Nicholls played well and rendered Berkovic ineffective for the remainder of the game. This in turn allowed Robbie Di Matteo to have more freedom and we looked a lot better.

For me, it is obvious that Eddie is not back to his best yet and the midfield is lacking a bit of bite in the absence of Gus Poyet. With Petrescu, Wise and Bobby D on the same field and Eddie not being on top form, defense seems to go out the window. Any way, full marks to Ruud for identifying the problem and rectifying it, even if it upset Dan.

From this point on we did improve, if only gradually. and finished the half with Zola forcing a goal line clearance from Rio (Riiioooo) Ferdinand. In the second half, I can't remember De Goey making a save (although he should have saved the Hartson pen) and dominated creating a number of chances before Rio was on the end of a sweeping move and cross from Zola to deftly slip the ball past his own keeper. A clinical finish. From there Robbie D should have made it 2 when fed by GFZ before Hughes won the free kick that secured the match.

Before the kick my friend turned round and said, "He's going to score, it doesn't matter how many people they put on the line, he's going to score anyway" The Hammers defense must have heard him as they moved the players off the line and Zola bent it into the same corner they had been previously defending. Cue scenes of delirium in the east upper. It was just as well as about a minute later, Myers decided to be cute when hoofing the ball out was the safe option, conceded possession and then made up for it by conceding a penalty - sensible lad! Anyway, this led to a nervy end to the match and a inordinate amount of injury time.

With Leboeuf being stretchered off and Berkovic standing over a free kick on the edge of the D, I was expecting 2-2. Fortunately, this was the last meaningful action of the game as Berkovic spotted yet another person he hated (in addition to Moncur and Impey), this time in the crowd behind the goal, and blasted the ball straight at him. 3 points safely won.

Ratings:

• De Goey; 7 One moment sums up his form at the moment, a tame shot came in straight at him and there was a moment when we all held our breath and he was visibly shaking, but he made a couple of good saves in the first half.
• Le Boeuf 8 ; He is Bobby Moore in disguise and was even strong in the air
• Myers 7; Excellent game for him despite the pen. He didn't attempt to beat Hartson in the air but always mopped up his knock downs.
• Sinclair 6.5; Not one of his better games of recent times
• Baba 8; He is a great player and you've got to ask how Le Saux is going to win back his place when fit.
P
• etrescu 6; though hadn't done much wrong prior to being removed.
• Robbie D 7; Patchy game but you feel he's close to being back to his best.
W
• ise 8; Not everyone agreed with me that he played well, but I thought his attitude alone deserved high marks
• Nicholls 7.5; An excellent game by his standards and tackled and defended well
• Newton; 7 (and a generous 7) he's not playing as well as he can and seems afraid to pass the ball forward, even selecting back passes when they appear more difficult than attacking passes.
• Zola; 8 Approaching top form and we really need him at his best, lethal free kick.
• Hughes. 7.5 Quiet game by his standards though his possession play was excellent at all times and he was always available. (HTBUW)

Priesty's Bit:

West Ham could have had this game sewn up by half time; luckily, they failed to capitalise on Chelsea's ridiculously hesitant start. But no, I'm getting ahead of myself...

The afternoon started off well - it had been pissing down all day Saturday and most of Sunday morning, but, about three hours before the game, the clouds blew away to reveal a perfectly clear blue sky. Better even than that: as we slunk guiltily in to the Shed stand (we'd had a half of cider each), we were challenged by neither police nor stewards, leading us to believe that we'd experienced an omen. My brother decided that was good enough for him to have a bet on Frank Sinclair scoring the first goal, with an eventual 3-0 outcome...

The first half was punctuated with the sorts of error that I stupidly believed Chelsea had overcome this season. It was a measure of West Ham's inability to seize an opportunity that they failed dismally to take advantage.

Ruud must have realised that things needed shaking up when he inexplicably substituted Dan Petrescu after 20 minutes or so, to be replaced by Mark Nicholls. We all assumed that Petrescu had taken a knock, but he looked so pissed off when he was subbed that I'd say there was more to it than that. Any road, Nicholls turned out to be far more effective than Dan had been, even if he did show his inexperience at times, notably when he and Bob broke away on goal and he ended the move by spectacularly tripping Bob up.

It wasn't as if Chelsea were not trying, they just seemed to be lacking in communication. Time and again, moves were breaking down because of misunderstandings between players. The end result was that we were losing the ball, allowing West Ham to catch us on the break. Again, it was just as well they were shite or we'd have been 4-0 down at half time.

One highlight of a scrappy first half was when Ginger Bloke Lomas was allowed a free drive at the near post from about 12 yards, which was miraculously palmed away by old Land. No-one can doubt his ability at shot-stopping, it's just the rest of it that causes sharp intake of breath. I reckon the only thing he's lacking is confidence, which is not good news for a Premiership keeper. I reckon he's got the character to come through it, though.

The other, superb highlight was when John Moncur got twatted by Eyal Berkovic for having the effrontery to shout at him for not marking properly or something (!) The ref had to separate them - how we laughed...

Half time was enjoyable for two reasons: firstly for compere Neil Barnett's bating of the West Ham fans (a schoolboy signing took place on the pitch, Barnett taking great delight in informing the West Ham lot that he was from Essex, and it was all down to good taste that he'd signed for Chelsea), and the excellent ovation the Chelsea Pensioners got when they came on as part of Remembrance Sunday. Everybody in the crowd stood up, including the West Ham lot, (respect for that) and applauded with genuine appreciation. It was as emotional for me and those around me as it obviously was for them.

Chelsea must have had "A good talking to" during the interval, because they looked like they meant business when they came out again. Franco Zola, in particular, was up to the kind of mesmerising tricks that he hasn't been performing since last season, he was really pissing the hammers' defence off. After about 10 minutes of this superb torture, he was sent away down the right by a cutting pass from Bob, pushed the ball to the byeline and crossed perfectly for Rio Ferdinand to score. The club announcer came on, saying: "With his first goal for Chelsea, RIO FERDINAND !" - how we laughed again.

Things looked a lot more relaxed now, and it wasn't long before Zola returned the favour by putting Bob through with a typically brilliant pass, Bob's shot stranding Forrest but striking the inside of the post before rolling back along the goal line.

The game ebbed and flowed until 10 minutes from time, when it lit up with a great free kick from outside the area by Zola, it flew over the wall and into the right hand top corner, again stranding Forrest. All that practise certainly pays off. The stupid thing was that West Ham had given away a free kick just outside the area during the first half, and had cleverly put Ferdinand on the line on the opposite side of the goal from Forrest, sure enough Zola aimed the ball over the wall out of reach of the keeper, only to for it to be headed off the line. Inexplicably, they tried the same tactic for the goal, but moved the player off the line just before the kick was taken. Maybe he'd spotted an unmarked Chelsea player, or maybe he was thick. You decide.

The boys twisted the screw by going over to the West Ham area to celebrate, predictably they rose to it, and were slavering and howling like good 'uns. How we laughed yet again...

That left a dubious penalty, given away by Myers, I think, which my Scottish friend Stewart took very personally, informing all and sundry that the geezer had "fuckin' fallen aiver" in his best Rab C. Nesbitt accent, to the great amusement of me, my brother and everyone else within earshot. Land very nearly saved the penalty from Ginger Hartson (most of the West Ham players are gingers), and looked furious that he hadn't. 2-1.

Notably, Craig Forrest made one of the best point blank saves I've seen, from what looked a certain goal from Zola, and another miraculous save from Bob (?), he basically kept West Ham in it. No wonder Chelsea were interested in him.

Unbearably, Chelsea gave away a free kick on the edge of the area deep into injury time, and at the same time Franck Leboeuf went down injured. I couldn't really see what happended, the incident took place a long way from where we were sitting in the Shed Upper. A lot of scuffling was going on off the ball, Franck was lying motionless, we were shitting ourselves. Eventually they scraped Franck up onto a stretcher (was he seriously injured, does anybody know ?), and Berkovic went to take the free kick. Visions of a Zola-esque goal were playing across my retina as he ran up to take the kick. I needn't have worried. The idiot fell over on his backside and hoofed the ball into the crowd, a fitting end to an extremely puzzling performance from the Israeli. It confirms all my suspicions that you have to be completely off your head to be an Israeli, first he wants to fight his own mates, then makes a complete arse of himself right at the death with an "oh dear I'm going to slip over on this banana skin" music hall pratfall. Priceless.

Fourth place in the league, three points off the lead with a game in hand.

You WHAT ??