18th December 2002 16th December 2002 It's a waste of time talking about the chances of winning the title when there's such a long way to go. Provided we continue to see the kind of performances we've been privileged to witness from The Blues recently, then we will have no complaint. Don Claudio appears to have found the ability to motivate the players, and the players are now working not only for themselves but for the rest of the team as well. As we all know, because Jimmy fucking Hill and Andy bloody Gray are always telling us, that is the difference between a good team and a team that wins titles. As we prepare for the Christmas break I will leave you with the following, delightful thought, and those of you who watch the players rather than the ball will know what I mean: at the time of writing, King William of Gallas is the outstanding attacker, and Franco Zola is the outstanding defender in the league. Not to put too fine a point on it, this is a fucking good sign. Or, to paraphrase my Scottish friend Mr Stewart Dickson, am I a meringue ? 9th December 2002 6th December 2002 5th December 2002 1st December 2002 I'm comforted by the fact that Chelsea are the one thing in my life that are guaranteed not to change, viz the hopeless shenanigans in the UEFA Cup, followed by a superb run in the league resulting in Chelsea's best chance of winning the title in living memory. Not to put too fine a point on it, I couldn't give a flying fuck whether we win it or fade to mid-table obscurity by Christmas. We are in a no-lose position, my friends: one way or another we will be celebrating come the end of the season. Why ? Because we support Chelsea, of course ! On a more sinister note, I had a phone call from that arse Dr Les the other day. He was on his way back home from some dive of a club in Singapore, and thought it would be amusing to bother me at work with some drunken ribbing. It was a thoroughly unpleasant experience, made infinitely worse by his ominous promise to "enhace your crappy little site with some of my glorious prose", just as soon as he can spare the time from whoring and boozing his way round the fleshpots of Singapore. Don't say I didn't warn you... 24th September 2002 On reflection, perhaps this is a little unfair on Fulham - they did have two team members, former Avengers star Steed Malbranque and his compatriot Monsieur Marlet, who could play football. The rest should definitely pay a visit to the job centre in North End Road, apart from the awful Barry Hayles, who has no chance of further employment anywhere. Fuck off, Fulham ! 18th September 2002 Although I admit to drunkenly hooting with laughter at almost everything he said, by the time he had finished Ken had predictably managed to upset a good proportion of the assembled corporate freeloaders. As a warm-up he stationed himself with a microphone behind a couple of wide-eyed children and, referring to the game betwen Leeds and Man U that had just been played, yelled "That was the first time I've ever wanted United to score a fucking goal". Next he alienated another section of the throng when he informed us that he'd just turned down an offer of only £3 million for Eidur Gudjohnsen from Tootenham, declaring that he didn't want to say "anything racist, but it was no surprise as we know what kind of club they are." This provoked some hissing and muttering, but Ken just beamed and ploughed on regardless, turning his attention to the President of Real Madrid, who he claimed had telephoned him saying that he wanted to give him £5 million for Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. "I bet you do", said Ken. El Presidente explained that he never offered more than £5 million for a player over the age of 30, to which Ken claims he replied "That's why you've got such a shit team". Ken meandered on in this vein, ignoring all dissent, for another ten minutes, before bowing and taking his leave to give exactly the same speech in the next banqueting suite. An impressive performance by any standards. Well I was impressed, anyway. When you see Ken in action it's much easier to understand how it is that he has managed to create Chelsea Village with the aid of little more than sheer bloody-mindedness and bluster. It's clear that Ken couldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks, and if you ask me the magnificent stadium that we have today would not exist if Ken didn't possess these characteristics. I have criticised Ken in the past, as you will know if you're a regular reader, but, and call me a hypocrite if you like, who cares about the debt as long as we have some of the best players in the world and the best ground in the country ? Whatever his faults, and there are many, Ken has not let down Chelsea fans yet. I still disagree with a lot of what is happening, but it's clear that we have a lot more to be happy about than not. I have seen Ken's vision come to life against the odds and I take my hat off to him. I now give my full backing to Uncle Ken and will toe the party line from here on in. Fear not, reader: I am fully prepared for the stinging attack that will no doubt be forthcoming from that arse Dr Les.. 13th September 2002 Speaking of Dr Les, and I am obviously extremely reluctant to do so, I am sorry to tell you that I have received, after a delightful break, another of his insane rants from south east Asia. A drugs test for Les would be a waste of time, as it is all too obvious that he is permanently under the influence of strong mind-altering chemicals. His latest diatribe pours scorn on various unfortunates, including myself, England fans, Roy Keane and Gus Poyet. Ludicrously, he even requests a moment's silence for the events of last September, although not for the reasons you might think. Read on if you dare.. 9th September 2002 That was what I call capital entertainment, and very hard to beat, you might think, but you would be wrong: the best moment of that match by far was when Roy took it upon himself to "discipline" slack-jawed yokel Phil Neville, who some of you may remember as one third of famous 70s singing group The Neville Brothers, by walking up to him and shoving him so hard in the chest that poor old Phil almost went down. I nearly swooned with pleasure at the sight of Phil dropping his jaw even further than normal in sheer surprise, before transfixing Roy with a glare that would have killed a normal person at ten paces. Needless to say, Roy shrugged it off as though it were nothing, before shuffling of on his knuckles to have another pop at Macca. Now THAT'S entertainment... 29th August 2002 28th August 2002 22nd August 2002 The interview otherwise went along predictable lines, with Uncle Ken blustering along in his usual "bulldog licking piss off a nettle" style, but he did make one good point: the media have been criticising Chelsea for buying foreign mercenaries for years, claiming that this is stifling homegrown talent. Now that Chelsea are not dabbling in a transfer market that has descended so far into madness that average players are being offered (and bought !) for upwards of £20 million, the media are there with lurid stories about how Chelsea can't afford to buy players because Bates and Chelsea Village are going down the tubes (I could have told them that ! - Ed). Meanwhile players like Carlton Cole are bulldozing their way into the first team on merit, and others like John Terry and Jody Morris are putting established stars to shame - when they can spare a few moments from tearing up nightclubs, that is. As Colonel Bates put it so well: You can't win, can you ? Don't faint, but I am behind Ken all the way on this one. 19th August 2002 I am delighted to report that I received a phone call on Friday from Klaus, my East Stand correspondent. My delight stems from the fact that he has been missing since the Cup Final, but he has surfaced in the land of his fathers (Germany). I did not ask why this should be, but he tells me that he has retained his Chelsea season ticket, which is bad news for all of us. Having read his theory as to why the Germans didn't win the World Cup, I can confirm that to be German and have a sense of humour is not an oxymoron.. 30th July 2002 Unless you're Ken Bates, of course, in which case you can have your cake, eat it, and then charge the fans through the nose for baking it. He will no doubt be laughing at people like me who have had enough of being taken the piss out of, as he can see many more mugs on the horizon, but he laughs at his peril. What Ken has forgotten is that people like me are the lifeblood of the club, not the corporate champagne charlies he is courting, and he will come to regret marginalising the real fans when the champagne set have gone home (twenty minutes early !) for the last time, taking their expense accounts with them. I await that day with a patience born of following Chelsea through thick and thin... 23rd July 2002 The fact is, and Chelsea know this very well, that most people can't afford to pay a whopping £240 cash for six tickets in advance, so they have to use their credit cards if they're to stand a chance of getting to see games. Therefore they have no choice but to pay this charge. By any standards this is unacceptably sharp practice, and in my opinion it's a Grade A, Class 1 rip-off. There really should be a law against this type of thing. Then there's the ticket price rise - a scandal of the highest order. How do Chelsea justify a price hike that's so massively above inflation anyway ? I mean it's not as if we have just come off the back of a scorching season, nor to my knowledge has a fortune been spent in the transfer market, so tell me what's going on ? Sorry, I forgot - we're being fucked over by a bunch of accountants who are cynically cashing in on our loyalty to the club. How great to be a Chelsea fan. After 35 years man and boy I've had enough - I refuse to be taken for a mug any longer. I definitely won't be going back to Stamford Bridge while the present bunch of cowboys are running (or should that be ruining ?) the club. Previous rants
© 1996-2003
Priesty's Chelsea FC Refuge.
Don Claudio's Masterplan
Claudio Ranieri guides Chelsea to a superb 1-0 defeat against Man U in the Worthington Cup, thus condemning United to a pointless waste of time and resources pursuing this trinket, while Chelsea are left with a free run at the Premiership title. Such genius is a rare thing these days, so big up to the Don !
"2-0, We Always Win 2-0"
A shame, then, that Chelsea didn't take the opportunity at Middlesbrough to go top of the league, albeit that it would only have been for a day or so. It doesn't really matter, because whatever happens it is a pleasure to follow a team who seem to have regained the spirit which has been lacking since the early days of Chelsea Legend Gianluca Vialli.
Chelsea Win The Double
A second victory in three days over Everton, this time a gritty away win, puts The Blues firmly in the driving seat in the one-horse race for the title. The game was vastly enhanced by pint-sized Dennis Wise clone Jesper Gronkjaer involving himself in the sending-off of superannuated thug Unsworth, (please do not tell me that the ref was wrong) and then scoring in the dying seconds of the game. The sight of 30,000 scousers failing to see the irony of yelling "cheat" when most of their grandmothers are walking around with price-tags on them really made my day. A big thank-you to all concerned for some capital entertainment, not least the Everton fans.
Santa's Double Trouble
Worrying rumours concerning strange practices at Stamford Bridge have been circulating for some time now, and at last we have firm evidence, courtesy of June Cooper, a regular reader. She has kindly sent me a secret eye-witness report of her recent visit to the Bridge with her 11 year old son. Be afraid...
Chelsea 4 Everton 1
Chelsea's victory over Everton in the Worthington Cup means that the Blues are now guaranteed at least a semi-final place, as their opponents in the quarter-final will be Man U at Old Trafford. Acknowledged lunatic Dr Les, who is of course renowned for his betting coups (You what ? - Ed), recommends that my readers "get down to Ladbroke's and put their fucking shirts on the Treble, sharpish". I would tend to advise caution on this, but full marks anyway to Les for his blind optimism...
Long Time No See..
Apologies to all my loyal readers that I haven't updated the site recently. The last few months have been a time of considerable upheaval; first my boss (also a great friend) committed suicide for no apparent reason, then as a direct result I had to change jobs at short notice, none of which has been fun. I hope you will forgive me for putting the site somewhat down the order of priorities during this period. Thanks for all the messages of support I've been getting, I appreciate it.
Fulham FC Give Tommy Cooper Run For Money
An awful mis-match between one of the most skillful and entertaining teams in the Premiership (that's Chelsea, by the way) and a gang of what can only be described as comedians took place at Loftus Road last night. Fulham FC put in a performance of such stunning ineptitude that the Chelsea team couldn't score because they were blinded by tears of laughter. Fulham couldn't find the net either, but that was no surprise - they would have trouble scoring in a brothel.
The Thoughts Of Chairman Ken
If I were to tell you that I had lunch with Ken Bates on Saturday before the Newcastle game you would be forgiven for thinking that I am full of shit, but I promise you it's true. Well, as good as. In fact I managed to wangle my way in to one of the West Stand banqueting areas as a corporate guest and was treated (along, admittedly, with around two hundred other freeloaders) to a post-prandial speech by Uncle Ken, who used the occasion to have a good rant at just about everyone he could think of.
Francotastic !
A good win at Backburn the other night, with Franco Zola's resurgence continuing unabated. I suggest a drugs test at the first opportunity. A good night all round, as it goes, with so-called favourites United, Newcastle and Tottenham also enjoying embarrassing defeats. I tell you, go out and put the housekeeping on Chelsea to walk the Premiership at 18-1. A licence to print money, as Dr Les would say.
Monkey Business
I don't know about you, but after a particularly boring start to the season from our own club I have been delighted to get my kicks from watching the simian-like antics of Manchester United's Roy Keane. I derived more than a full quota of entertainment from watching the Sunderland-Man U game a couple of weeks ago, when Roy and Jason Macca decided it would be a good time to reprise the in-fighting that started this summer between the Irish national team at the World Cup.
Soton 1 Chelsea 1
At least the boys did not lose. Marks: 6/10 - shows promise but could do better..
Chelsea Get Desmond Against Man U
I've had a few days to digest the Man U game, and have come to the conclusion that it was a fair result, with Chelsea winning the first half (by a mile) and Man U the second. At least Chelsea played as though it meant something to them, which made a change from the last time they met United. The jury's still out on whether Ken's claim that Chelsea are going to be harder to push over this season will prove accurate - the game against Southampton should answer that one..
Santa Throws A Cog
Ken Bates reckons, according to an interview in the London Evening Standard, that Chelsea "are no longer the pushovers they used to be". He is presumably basing this judgement on the events at Charlton last Saturday, rather than those of the home game against Man U at the end of last season, in which, if you remember, Chelsea were pushed over in a pretty shameful way. As to whether Santa's optimism will prove to be well founded, we will see tomorrow evening when Chelsea once again face United at the Bridge.
Miracles DO Happen
Chelsea storm back from 2-0 down at Charlton to steal all three points with a last-gasp goal from Goal Machine Frankie Lampshade. I am impressed for two reasons: first, we rarely beat Charlton, and second we rarely if ever come back from being 2-0 down to Charlton. In view of this result, and totally in keeping with my customary level-headed grasp of footballing matters, I am able to confidently predict that Chelsea will storm to the title by Christmas..
The Countdown Begins
Do not worry, readers - although I am in a bit of a temper about Chelsea's sharp practice on ticket sales (See below), I will still be bringing you my thoughts on a regular basis. Unfortunately for us all, that bugger Dr Les is also threatening to engulf us once again in the usual tide of filth from south-east Asia, but you can't have everything, can you ?
New Tickets Rip-off
On top of the already huge price rises for this season, I note with distaste that Chelsea have seen fit to raise the "administration fee" on credit card bookings by a whopping 50%. There is absolutely NO justification for putting an admin fee on credit card bookings, as the club saves money on this type of transaction; it's certainly no more expensive to the club than cash sales, which are likely to cost much more in terms of the extra admin and security. Worse still, this ludicrous £1.50 charge is levied per ticket, not per transaction - how do they justify that ?
