The Temple of Vin

If you could see graphics, there would be a
spiffy picture of The Vin Man here.

Welcome to...

The Vin Man now has disciples

November 23, 1997

You have asked. The Vin Man has delivered.

I have, at long last, put up a new picture. Gone is the glorious sight of 49er tight end Brent Jones' body wrapped neatly around the skull of a Carolina Panthers' linebacker. Though that picture brought many a joyful tear to my eye, it had served its time in the temple, and the time has come to replace it. (Although now that I've talked so much about it, I'd better leave a link to the picture for those who haven't seen it. Okey-dokie. Here you go. In the interest of equal time, and just 'cause the site is so damn cool, here's a link to the official 49er-Haters Society website.) As you know by now, I liked that picture. I liked it a whole lot. It would take a very special picture to top that photo. I believe I have found just such a picture.

This picture was taken on Splash Mountain at Disneyland. That's the one, the only, the incomparable Vin Man in the back. Seated in front of me is good friend (and political opposite) Brian McCray. Seated in front of him is my fellow good friend (and political...actually, we don't talk politics. But we agree that Newt Gingrich is fat.) Shawn Garrett. Beyond that, I think this picture pretty much speaks for itself. But I'm going to explain it anyway.

Two or three days before this picture was taken, Shawn and I visited Six Flags in California. Now, I'm not going to say which theme park is better, because the two are very different. Six Flags is more adult-oriented, with many more "thrill rides" than Disneyland. (Especially the Batman ride. Good Lord.) Comparitively, DisneyLand is nowhere near as scary.

We first went on Splash Mountain early in the day. It was pretty cool, but like I said, relatively tame. In the picture that came out, Shawn looked mildly amused, Brian was hiding, and I was kinda laughing. I wasn't even looking down the ride. Why? Not scared.

Many, many hours later, just before the park was scheduled to close, we decided to go on Splash Mountain again. We were hoping for a better picture, and I was planning on doing some neat-o pose. (For an example of a neat-o pose on Splash Mountain, visit Rusty Gifford's homepage. Or, take a ride on Flash Mountain.) As we approached the top of the ride, I grabbed my sunglasses, intending to put them on, smile, and flash a "thumbs up" at the camera. As the log broke over the apex, I immediately realized that was not going to happen.

Part of the reason Splash Mountain is not so scary during the day is that you can see where you're going. Quite frankly, it's not that high. At night, on the other hand, it looks as if you are beginning a thousand-mile drop directly into the depths of Hell. In the emotional intensity of the moment, I realized the irony of the situation; going from a feeling of complete peace and security to a certainty that I was about to die. And I laughed at the situation, even as I screamed what I believed would be my last breath. Thus, the truly ghastly expression on my face. Shawn clearly felt the same level of fear I did, because it looks like you could shoot a basketball into his mouth and hit nothing but tonsil. As for Brian, he's hiding again. What a baby.

Thus ends the story of the world's new coolest picture. (For the second-coolest picture in the world, keep reading.) I don't have a really great line to end this story, so I'll just put up a close-up of our three faces.

We rule.

In other VIN news:
I am finishing up my first and last quarter as Sports Editor of the Western Front. In all seriousness, I'm very proud of the papers we've done this quarter, except for the November 21 issue, which sucked donkey. And while the experience of being an editor has given me a feeling of great satisfaction, as well as almost enough money to buy a McDonald's extra value meal, it has murdered my social life. Some people would call that a mercy killing. To those people I say this: "Blow me."

Also, a quick review of my transcript has revealed that I am farther along in my studies than I thought, and I will be graduating next summer. That is good.

As I will no longer be working at the Western Front, I will be needing another job. Fortunately, I'm working at the UW-Bothell again. I love this job. I've been at work for two hours now. So far, I have shown one person how to print, one person how to cancel an e-mail message without deleting it, and one person how to find a file on their floppy disk. I've had the rest of the time to myself. This job rules.

Until next time, VIN followers, remain VINdictive, inVINcible, and ... um ... VINyl. Sweet Jesus, what an awful catch phrase. Never mind.

And now, the world's second-coolest picture.

Stop what you're doing. Get
yourself to a graphics-based web browser and look at this picture.
Trust me, it's worth it.

Proof that you can use a 6'2", 240-pound man as a projectile weapon!

Links to other sites on the Web

Other sections of the Temple of Vin

Step inside The Vin Man's Squared Circle, my shrine devoted to the great sport of professional wrestling.

Come visit The House of Prime, and learn more than you ever wanted to know about sports superstar "Prime Time" Deion Sanders.

Drive on into The War Zone, dedicated to the greatest video game ever, Twisted Metal 2.

Grab your pencils and sliderules, 'cause it's time for StatsCenter, my own little place to crunch numbers.

Any questions? See The Vin Man FAQ. If your question is unanswered, please mail me.

And finally, click here to see an actual-size picture of me.

Web pages of friends of The Vin Man

Shawn Garrett Shawn has a web page. It is in a constant state of flux. Go see what it looks like today!

Greg "Mughi" Spyridis Greg's into acting, fighting arts, Japanese anime, and a wacky little card game called OverPower. If you want somebody beaten, he's your man. (He's the one hoisting 240-pound me to the sky in the above photo.)

Adrian Bonar No, not "boner," "Bonar." Rhymes with "Sonar." Anyway, Adrian's a musician. He has recently converted his basement into his own little recording studio, where he makes songs with our mutual friend Dan. Speaking of Dan...

Dan Hill Dan makes music with Adrian. Dan has constructed the anti-website, a homepage devoted to pointing out how lame most homepages are. Nice, good, cynical stuff.

Rusty Gifford Rusty's a student at WSU. He's into computers, computer games, and pornography.

Sports links

ESPN
The official website of the original all-sports cable network, ESPN.

NFL
The official homepage of the National Football League.

Atlanta Falcons
The official website of my favorite NFL team, the Atlanta Falcons. WARNING: This team is truly awful. Only a madman like myself would torture himself every Sunday cheering for a team destined to lose.

The 49er-Haters Society
The official website of the 49er-Haters Society. The San Francisco 49ers are the ultimate Evil in American Society. The NHS does a fantastic job of explaining why. Words alone can not express the importance of this site. So stop reading this and go there.

Husky Football
The University of Washington Huskies. WOOF.

Seattle Mariners
Junior. Big Unit. Bone. Edgar. A-Rod. The Seattle Mariners. You gotta love these guys. (For the ignorant, those are the nicknames of Ken Griffey, Jr., Randy Johnson, Jay Buhner, Edgar Martinez, and Alex Rodriguez.)

NBA
The official homepage of the National Basketball Association. They've got sound files, videos, player stats, and more.

STATS
The official homepage of STATS, Inc. That's Sports Team Analysis and Tracking Systems. A number-cruncher's best friend, they keep track individual players and teams in each of the big four sports, in various game situations. These guys are cool. And speaking of stats...

StatSite
Brian Harper's StatSite, devoted to statistical analysis of the NBA, and the Seattle SuperSonics in particular.

KJR
SportsRadio 950, KJR-AM, Seattle Washington. Between Mitch, Groz, Gas, Fish, and Ron & Don, this station would already be the only one programmed on my radio. But it also has New York Vinnie. Vinnie is one of the few men on the planet cool enough to share my name. The city of Seattle is going to get two wonderful new sports stadiums, and Vinnie had a lot to do with it. All hail Vinnie! (And while you're at it, all hail The Vin Man.)

Virtual Victories This is a great, great, boxing simulator. Check out my fighter, Scotty Bonds.

Sportsim A fantasy sports service run through the CNN/SI website. They've got both football and basketball, and I'd imagine that hockey is coming soon.

Miscellaneous cool stuff

Wanna get the best comic strip in the world?

Project Denny's All the details on one man's quest to visit every Denny's restaurant in the world.

ManSplat ManSplat is the greatest publication in the history of the civilized world. Their content is focused equally on monster movies, horror movies, pro wrestling, b-movie sex goddesses, and beer. If they talked about cartoons instead of beer, then they would discuss everything I truly care about. For no apparent reason, they have two homepages: this one and this one.

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