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May 24
 : Raiders II Acquires Another Dead Guy ... - Well, he might as well have been in '06. The Deuce sent Jimmy Williams to the Sleeve for Brandon Lloyd.
May 18
 : The Page - I've changed a few things on the page, so just giving a heads up. I combined rosters and salaries -- Jaret thought it would be a good move for the offseason/trade talks. I have also added pending position changes and another NFL/FFL Depth Chart. Most of this has also been added to rosters.xls if any of you want the spreadsheets.
Craig and I had been using an alternate page for the index and I recently just made it the home page. That is why we also have the second column of links on the far right. If anyone wants anything added over there just send me the link/page name.
Finally, I am still looking to do a few more deals. So if you like any of my shitty shit, send offers (or the standard trade requests).
May 17
 : Press Release from Championship Headquarters - Vikings Management has been very quiet in the initial stages of the offseason as they prepare for the upcoming draft. People have been wondering, where is this guy, why doesn't he say something.
Well.....Vikings owner, CEO, CFO, Head Scout and Capologist have been on a world tour meeting fans and showing his love for those who have supported him since the inception of the league. In other words he has been on a 5month bender and has finally found out where he lives again.
So why now does the owner make his appearance. Vikings Management is sponsoring a workshop for all teams to express what it takes to win a championship. So far only Ian Smith has signed up, but as we can tell he is in deseperate need of this help.
Vikings Management will be hosting a beer and pizza night with his winnings on Tuesday May 8th in Saskatoon for all owner wishing to learn what it takes to win. This includes topics such as, not trading away superstars to the Normans, putting in your roster on time, and of course getting "lucky" saturday night and sunday morning to ensure victory.
Vikings management hopes to see all owners participate as he provides his bit of wisdom to all owners. Vikings Management will also annouce they will be moving to a new stadium and have a new name in time for the season opener, jersey production is in the works. Only numbers currently available are 69 and .08.
Vikings Management Champion 2006
May 3
 : Now, Make It A Blockbuster Night - As one frickin' genius FFL GM correctly called in his mock, Dbl J forced Pat's hand, making the CJP (C.Johnson Pick) #2 rather than #3. To the DJ's credit he didn't piss around, completing a deal to ensure the Detroit superstar would play for Copernicus and no other.
Team Copernicus sent L.J. Smith, and their 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks to the Wizard's Sleeve for Alge Crumpler and the Sleeve's 1st and 4th round picks.
 : Better Than Those Shite Mocks - Here is my mock, I need to protect my pick!!
1. Cougars -- RB Adrian Peterson -- I believe the pick has been in the whole time, he won't even listen to Jaret's 'sweet' offers for it.
2. The Wiz -- WR Calvin Johnson -- I think Jaret is mad that his trade got nixed. Takes Calvin and finishes last at RB, sets his team back 5 years....or 1 when he trades for McFadden next year.
3. Copernicus -- RB Marshawn Lynch -- Takes a complete 3 down back, who may take home the rookie of the year honours.
4. Packers -- RB Brandon Jackson -- Pack RB falls in his lap -- congrats man! Unless he literally falls in your lap.
5. Raiders II -- RB Chris Henry -- It always works to take Jimmies guy. I missed on Prentice, but Henry has size and speed -- sweet pussy.
6. Brown Wave -- RB Michael Bush -- Jimmy takes the Raider pick. He knows that if Bush pans it would be his key to Jones-Drew.
7. Sleeve -- RB Kenny Irons -- Jaret needs to get something at the position and so he takes the Bengals future starter.
8. Vikings -- QB JaMarcus Russell -- No specific needs for the champ. Considers Colston but goes with the trade bait to get T. Jackson on his squad.
: Just Win, Baby
A friendly haiku
Hawkeyes are now Raiders II
Hey Hosers -- Fuck You!
May 2
 : Hurricane Mock - Aahh wayy ya fuckin wankas. Enough of the fuckin smokescreen, we all know that it is going to go down like this:
1. Cougars - Adrian Peterson - Lets hope he is not the next Charles Rogers (Collorbone jinx - no anti jinx allowed).
2. Sloppy Sleeve - Marshawn Lynch - Debates trading down with Pat for a nominal deal (i.e. a 4th or some bullshit) after bluffing Pat into thinking he will take CJ. Pat doesn't bite, time is running out on the pick, Jaret takes Lynch.
3. TC - CJ - Somehow, this fuckin guy keeps getting all the Lions with no problem - see: Harrington, Williams, Rogers, Kevin Jones - it is bullshit that somehow every year Pat figures out some way of getting everyone to leave him the Lion. Bullshit.
4. Packers - Brandon Jackson - Good Pick. Could be starter in Week One.
5. Hawkeyes - JaMarcus Russell - Takes him here because he knows I will take him at 10 if he passes on him.
6. Brown Wave - Chris Henry - Trades for Chris Brown so he has the trifecta, ala his style with Denver Backs of years past and his 37 texan backs.
7. Sloppy Sleeve - Picks Ted Ginn Jr. and then promptly blows his wad on all over the room. Note to self, get out of firing range.
8. The Chumpchester - Marques Colston - this hand was played shortly after the FFL concluded. Sits at 8 and gets top 5 Wr. Not bad.
Last person to post a mock, has to give me their 1st for my second or else we will hold you in front of Jaret when he makes the Ginn pick. Kyle and Jimmy you are safe as your mocks are in.
: New Favourite Team - Well I am going to do a mock because I always sieze my opportunities to be an A-hole and name names. Problem is, Jimmy has done a bang-up job mocking the league. Also, there is really no need to blow smoke when you pick first. Anyhow ...
1. Cougars - Adrian Peterson - Yeah, this is a done deal. Our closest NFL city. My best fantasy player for the next decade. New favourite team? Tough one. I'll make them the deuce ... for now.
2. Team Copernicus (Traded Pick) - Calvin Johnson - Turns out the team is aptly named because Pat will have to pay an astronomical price to guarantee he gets his guy. The DJ drinks Double J's cool-aid (thin double entendre) and pays a king's ransom. Trade guarantees 3 things: Pat gets his coveted player and the all-important Best Crew; Jaret wins 3rd division; and the DJ is on the clock for '08.
3. Sour Dough Sleeve - Marshawn Lynch - Gets the player that both teams really need. Will race with Calvin for ROY.
4. Packers - Brandon Jackson - This pick is in as fast as mine. Can't fault a guy for choosing a BJ ... a Packer BJ? Fuck it, prison rules!
5. Hawkeyes - JaMarcus Russell - Really, the new name already. Worst QB crew; Oakland's highest selection; fears the scoop-and-spite GMs picking at #9 and #10. Another blazed trail to the podium.
6. Brown Wave - Chris Henry - Hammering Hank guarantees Jimmy the Titans job and rights the LenDale wrong of '06.
7. Wizard's Sleeve - Marques Colston - So he milks Pat dry and gets the star RB. Then he grabs the other star receiver of the draft, reclaims the Best Crew title and gives a curtain call for his multi-homer game.
8. The Champ - Ted Ginn Jr. - Misses out on the Vikings' RB ... misses out on the top two wideouts ... he Snaps ... he Loses it ... he drinks a cold one from the trophy. Ahh, it's good to be champ!
 : All Spite Mock - I can't help but post another mock, nothing is going to happen for the next 3 months, but it’s nice to sow the seeds of spite early in the spring...sorry to trump any of you guys. No other mocks yet...weak!
Here is my all spite mock.
1. Cougars- Adrian Peterson- I don't think this will change and it'll be hard to spite with the number 1 pick. However, it works over Brennan as Chestor Taylors value takes a serious hit. Not much sympathy around the league for ‘The Chump’.
2. Sleeves- Calvin Johnson- Jaret wants perhaps the best receiver of all time even if he is a Lion. Pat offers Michael Pittman and Tiki to move up to second overall. Jaret refuses that ‘sweet’ offer surprisingly. Pat holds grudge for rest of his fantasy days and threatens to quit the league.
3. TC- Marshawn Lynch- Pat somehow comes to his senses through the rage and tears of losing CJ to the Sleeve. Takes record 30 minutes to make pick as he collects himself and makes a smart pick with Lynch as he’s hurting bad at RB. Might be a smarter pick for his fantasy team anyway.
4. Packers (pick a new name!) - Brandon Jackson- Kinzel has obvious choice here, no one wants this Packer before him anyway. Kinzel gets away unscathed this year, the lucky sonn-biatch. No-one works over Kinz because the Packers drafted like shite and you can’t spite a ghost.....where are you kinz??? We can’t see you.....
5. Hawks- Michael Bush- Craig turns down trade offer from Jimmy for the number 6 overall for MoJo which would have given him both Jamarcus Russell and Bush. In fear of losing Raiders RB, takes Bush, and chances never having Russell on his team.
6. Wave- Patrick Willis- Jimmy comes to senses and waits for RB’s till next round. He’s tempted to take Russell and work Craig over immediately, but bends Jaret over instead. Blind rage! Continues to rebuild LB’s with young talent. Jaret’s reeling from pick as spite karma trickles down through the first round.
7. Sleeve- Chris Henry- Has a hall of fame receiver in draft already and goes for RB and spite pick on Jimmy. Jaret bounces back to play another round of ro-sham-bo. Maybe future trade in works already.
8. Vikings (pick a new name!) - Jamarcus Russell- Brennan looks for the replacement for Daunte Culpepper and works over Craig. Not much of a spite pick as Craig gets Jamarcus in a fleecing of Brennan after the first month of the season anyway.
April 30
: Monday Morning Procrastination Mock
1. Coug's - Adrian Peterson- Unless he jimmies himself bad between now and
our draft, he's already penciled in. Kyle might have best RB's in FFL
history.
2. Droopy Sleeve - Marshawn Lynch- Best chance to start and will either
take him here or at 3 and then fleeces Pat out of some more talent.
3. TC - Calvin Johnson- Obvious choice. If Pat doesn't make a serious
move to get the best receiver the Lions have and will ever had, he should
denounce Detroit as his personal gizza. Might have to pay a hefty price to
get him before Jaret.
4. Packers- Brandon Jackson- Has to use pick on future Packer starter.
Might have second best chance to start of all rooks.
5. Raiders (Unveil your new name!)- Jamarcus Russell. The Raiders picked
some talent at QB and RB. But will Craig get some Bush too? I think he
takes the lock with franchise QB.
6. Wave - Chris Henry- Considers taking next best running back in Bush,
but must continue streak of shite-bust RB's. Must also trade for Chris
Brown as White and Henry will be backing him up in Tennessee.
7. Sloppy Sleeve- Patrick Willis- Jarets been getting wet over some Willis.
Takes 49er LB star.
8. Vikings- Michael Bush- Should take some Bush here, but half expect a WR
to go, like Colston. Good spite on Craig as Bush will take over for Raiders
at RB.
April 28
: New Dance Floor, Same Partners - As it has become a pseudo-tradition, Ian, Jaret and I drew divisions for the 2007 season. Premier will now be the 2006 FFL Champion Vikings, Team Copernicus, the Rose Cougars and the Hawkeyes. The new 3rd division is subsequently composed of the relegated Hurricane, the Brown Wave, the Packers and the Wizard's Sleeve.
So the divisions are basically the same as last season, with 3 teams moving up to Premier and 3 down to 3rd.
: Draft Day Deal - During a day of chips, sodas, pies and beers, a deal also went down. The Hurricane traded Kevin Williams and Ed Reed to the Rose Cougars for Laveranues Coles, Chris Gamble, Ken Lucas and the Cougs 8th round pick. Our teams also swapped picks in the 4th round.
April 24
: Make It A Blockbuster Night - Two months after completing a rare blockbuster, the Wizard's Sleeve dropped the deuce. For the 3rd overall pick, Alex Brown and their 7th round pick, Team Copernicus acquired Terrell Owens, Marion Barber, Jared Allen, Keith Bulluck, Alge Crumpler and the Packers' 3rd round pick (20). The Sleeve will protect T.O., Bulluck and Barber. TC also reserves the right to nix the deal if the Lions draft Calvin. The first 3 picks of our draft are all but in the books, with Adrian Peterson followed by Johnson and Lynch. (Pat Nixed The Deal)
: Rosie C To TC - Team Copernicus added Rosie Colvin by sending James Hall to the Rose Cougars. April 15
: The Sleeve Continues To Deal - The Wizard's Sleeve swapped tight ends with the Cougs, shipping Chris Cooley for Ben Watson.
April 11
 : Challenge! - Craig is challenging the DJ to bet a double on the Raiders-Lions season opener -- he's taking the Raiders. However, Pat gets to choose the type of bet: Standard (winning team nets a soda) or Consolation Prize (losing team nets a soda). (Challenge Accepted, Standard Bet)
April 5
: Big Ben Time In Rose Country - Following yesterday's blockbuster, the Sleeve completed another deal sending Ben Roethlisberger to the Cougs for Takeo Spikes.
April 4
: Kansas City Shuffle - While the entire league was looking left, Jimmy and Jaret were talkin' trade on the right. Jimmy added the two KC defensive superstars, acquiring Derrick Johnson and Tamba Hali from the Wizard's Sleeve; the Sleeve got Tommy Harris and All-FFL WR Darrell Jackson in return. (Editor's Note: Tommy Harris is my boy! Mental Note: Take Jaret back to Bonanza)
February 27
: Blockbuster Out Of The Blue - An unexpected doozy went down over a lunch smorg at Bonanza. Yes, you read that correctly. Blockbuster! Smorg! Bonanza! The Wizard's Sleeve traded '06 MVP LaDainian Tomlinson and Larry Fitzgerald to the Rose Cougars for the 2nd overall pick, Eli Manning, Jerious Norwood and Andre Johnson.
February 4
: One-Time Hurricane Becomes A Hurricane? - Well it worked in the past, trading for a middle LB from "The U", so Ian has acquired another. The Hurricane traded their 5th round pick to the Wizard's Sleeve for Jonathan Vilma.
February 3
 : Irish Out With A Whimper - After our humiliating loss to Boyko and the Vikings in the FFL Bowl, it has been determined that changes have to be made. For starters, The Irish can fuck off, and so can all of the coaches. We are about to embark on what will be the FFL's greatest dynasty. From this point on we will now be known as the Wizard's Sleeve. For those who are unsure of what a Wizard's Sleeve is, here is a definition according to the Urban Dictionary. Wizard's Sleeve - used to describe large,hanging or dangling labia or an enlarged twat, akin to Gandalf's cloak. Other names include sausage wallet, loose lips, or beef curtains. Obviously we have compiled a new staff, not a coaching staff, but a staff that will service the players when required. The New Staff is as follows:
TEAM WHORES
Annabelle Chong
Jennifer Hedger
"Sweet" Tammy
BALD BOX BEAUTIES
Britney Spears
Lindsey Lohan
Pam Anderson
CHEERLEADERS
The two hot ex-Panther cheerleaders who were caught doin' it in a public bathroom.
The Fiesel Sisters.
SENIOR SLEEVE
This is a very prestigious position as it signifies a lifetime of whore'n it up. It was a tough call, but after seeing the FFL work her over mercilessly time and time again we have given this position to Susan Lucci. I'm not trying to say that Lucci's vag is as big as the Lincoln tunnel, I'm saying it's bigger.
We are also looking at acquiring some new players who are committed to being a part of the Sleeve dynasty. I have many players who did not perform well in the championship game and their welcome has worn out.
Brennan - Send me an email with your address or call me, so I can send you a cheque with your winnings. This applies to Kinz as well. We will settle all other GM's on Sunday.
January 5
: Official Press Release - (Reuters) It was officially announced this morning that the Pine Valley Luccis would be relocating to a new home for the upcoming FFL Season. After much speculation as to the new location and new name of PVL, the best offer came in from New Orleans, slightly ahead of the Bajoran Wormhole. From this day forward, the PVL will be known as the New Orleans Hurricane. Note the singular nature of the name, the FFL has had a team named the Hurricanes, but never the Hurricane. Although not official, there is some speculation that the teams motto will be "We are going to go Katrina on your ass". Along with the new name, comes a new logo.
January 1
: Dead Man Walking - Nine hours after Darrent Williams was shot and killed in a drive-by shooting, he was traded in the FFL. The Irish traded Williams to the Hawkeyes for Ike Taylor. Asked why they acquired a murder victim, the Hawkeyes responded: "The only good Bronco is a dead Bronco."
Also changing teams was Williams' ex-teammate Javon Walker. The Irish traded him to the Rose Cougars for past considerations.
December 27
: Time To Give Thanks - Belated Merry Christmas to all you smokers. Congrats to you, Brennan. Why are me feet so cold? Was that a pig? But seriously, three straight first-time champs: unreal and good for the league. Better for the league would be 12 titles in my pocket, but everyone taking a turn is the best alternative. Double J will sort out the cash shortly. I have archived the year, and I added salaries and the '07 draft to rosters (excel spreadsheet).
I think we had another good year and I look forward to next season. I would like to thank all who contributed to the page: Jimmy, Ian and Craig. Funny, entertaining stuff. As for you other fuckers, well I planned on chatting you and laying a serious guilt trip for not giving the league two minutes of your time; then I realized that 3 of you played in the division finals. Guess you're on to something. So I guess I'll chat the contributors. Way to go, ya bunch o' losers!
Happy Holidays to you and yours, fellas.
December 11
: The Anti-Ban-Grab-A-Fork Proposal - Looks like someone wants to make it a Quadrumvirate.
Ian has a good point....why puss out and make it forty and five when we
should just round it up to $50. I'm in agreement.
However, rather than feeling left out of the threesome, all you have to do
is ask, and we'll make it a foursome. After all, it's a big plate of
spaghetti!
 : Spaghetti Ban Proposal - I agree with Ian. $45 sure sounds puss compared to $50. I say we go the even $50, and officially ban Spaghetti at all FFL sanctioned events.
 : The Threesome - I agree with the threesome, but why be puss, lets make it an even $50 and divide it up accordingly. I think that this year, as thanks to Kyle, I will give him my first rounder as well. Now that is friggin dedication to the league. Oh yeah... and thanks for the invite to lunch assholes. I can just see the threesome now laying in a triangle, Jaret lickin Jimmies crack while having his crack licked by Kinzel, Kinzel licking Jaret's crack while having his crack licked by Jimmy, and Jimmy licking Kinzels crack while having his crack licked by Jaret - all done with each of them jerking off with the ultimate goal of spoogin in a bowl of spagetti in the middle so that they can share it Lady and the Tramp style. You guys are fuckin sick. In other news, possible team name: New Orleans Hurricanes.
December 9
: RE: The Triumvirate - I do think the commish job is a lot of work and a big pain in the ass. As per other leagues, I've always thought that the administrator earns his keep and shouldn't have to pay league fees. We'll have to figure out something for next year.
I also take issue with the fact that lunch went down with no invite received. Craig and I are lunch experts. That's all we do. Hell, if it wasn't for that professional career sideshow that Craig maintains, we would have to be considered pro, full-time, card-carrying member lunchers. My take: social hierarchy. Perhaps this is one of those groups where membership may be desired but exclusivity is tantamount to success. A shroud of secrecy must be maintained at all times.
1) The Priori of Sion - Because some of you haven't seen the Da Vinci Code, I won't carry on. But definitely exclusive and powerful.
2) The Pentavirate - The five wealthiest people in the world known as the Pentavirate, who run everything in the world -- including the newspapers -- and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion known as ... the Meadows.
So who's in this Pentavirate?
The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rothchilds and Col. Sanders before he went tets up. Oh, I hated the Col. with his wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face. Oh, your gonna buy my chicken, Oohh.
Dad, how can you hate the Col.?
Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave for it nightly, smartass!
3) The Triumvirate - Secretly running the FFL for the last 12 years. Wait a minute. You guys want to give me cabbage? I think we're on to something. Perhaps we should scrap our democratic ways and turn all decision making over to the Triumvirate.
: In Agreement - I agree with paying the $45. I use the league page as my home page and all the links etc. are excellent. I am pretty fuckin' pissed off that there was a lunch meeting that I wasn't invited to, lunch is really the only thing I do!
December 7
: Triumvirate's Proposal - Three GM's for the Packers, Irish, and Wave (aka The Triumvirate) met today
at an impromptu lunch meeting of the minds and discussed the role of the
league Commish aka web-keeper, aka. stats man, and on and on and on. We
felt that the league is great in large part due to all the work that Kyle
does as the Commish of the league. For instance, all the stats, throwback
week, lots of posts, maintaining and up keep of the site (which is awesome
and keeps are interest and keeps us together). We also felt that all this
work should be acknowledged. Especially considering that no one else has
the time or the where with all to do it themselves.
The Proposition
The league Commish should have his league fees paid for by the other GM's
and also a contribution to his Goosepot.
So the numbers we threw down were as follows:
7 GM's (Not including Commish):
$25 LEAGUE FEES + $20 GOOSEPOT ADVANCE = $45 TOTAL
Of course, most GM's will have a credit balance at the end of the season so
we shouldn't owe $45 each year necessarily.
We all thought this was a good idea or at least a first step and most
importantly we wanted to thank Kyle for all the work he does and has done
and wanted to give him mad props and some league incentive, as little as it
may be, for all the work.
GM and CEO- Brown Wave
December 5
: More Postseason Notes - Its a fucking good thing that PVL got relegated this season, bc we clearly are not a Premier level team. While all you bastards are prepping for your games this week, I can sit back and wallow in the pile of shite that is, or was, the PVL. A location has not yet been decided for the new team but some names have come to the forefront. Leading contenders include: Passive Aggressive Irish, Meat Packers, Team Popernicus, Blue Wave, Cockeyes, Daisy Cougars or the Bye Kings. My calls for this week, Packers by 18.5 and Hawkeyes by 46.
: Postseason Notes - First of all, congrats on making the playoffs (read: go fuck yourselves). I'll also give you a reminder that Cleveland and Pittsburgh play Thursday, so players in the game have to be submitted Wednesday by 9:00. Also, there will be no $1.00 for not scoring, but there will be late roster charges and late subs for a buck. Good luck, all (jerks)!
December 4
: It's All About The Rose - Piggy-backing the announcement out of Pine Valley, our franchise is also making a big decision: No Move In 2007. Not only have we enjoyed our time spent in rose country, it seems the longer we're down there, the more pleasure received. It's all about pride ... Cougar pride. No one is quitting this offseason. We're not leaving the Rose. We're not changing the name. We're going to put in a long, hard offseason pursuing those who are truly Rose Cougars, bringing them into the fold and getting down to business. The offseason will be a long one, but you can bet we'll be back pussy!
: Who Says You Can't Go Home? The Luccis! - Owner Ian Smith has advised Pine Valley City Administration that the team plane will not be returning to the Pine Valley region ever again. The rough two years in Pine Valley have come to a close. It is unclear where the team will call home next season, but it will not be in Pine Valley. Current front runners are: Saskatoon, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Memphis, Death Valley or Deep Space. In the event, the Luccis pull off a miracle tonight, they will continue to play under the PVL name for the duration of the season as there will be no home games in any event.
Owner Smith has also advised that he is willing to be a dumping ground for high priced players as he will have a ton of cap. Let me know if anyone wants to dump some nectar for picks or cheaper old guys.
December 2
: The Wave Completes Two Last-Minute Deals - The first deal added depth to the DL, acquiring Bryce Fisher from the lowly Cougs for a 7th round pick. The second pick was a LB swap with an olden-days qualifier: an MVP clause. Jimmy traded D'Qwell Jackson and an 11th rounder to the PVL for long-time Jag, Donnie Edwards. However, should the Wave and Luccis meet in the final and an acquired LB win MVP, the trading team receives an additional 15th round pick.
November 30
: Hawkeyes Trade For Depth - The Rose Cougars sent Aaron Brooks and Marcus Trufant to the Hawkeyes for a 7th round pick and a bag of movie 'corn, to be paid upon the viewing of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. The current plan is to catch the late showing, Saturday, December 2nd. But there is ... a codicil! Well not a codicil -- no one died -- more like an addendum. Should the corn be dropped (aka A Splashdown), as per usual, Craig must also fetch the necessary refill.
: Premier Playoffs Will Go Through Bear Country - In an effort to make the Premiership path to FFL Bowl XII that much harder, the Irish added teeth to their defence with the acquisition of a couple Bears. The Irish traded 3rd and 8th round picks, Rocky McIntosh and futures to the Rose Cougars for Lance Briggs and Wale Ogunleye.
November 24
: Anticipated Fire Sale -
Throwback week has reminded the PVL organization of what the olden days in Memphis and Carolina were like. The days in Pine Valley have been tough with the death of our icon, Pedro's Midge, and the aging of our namesake Susan Lucci. With that being said, the PVL could be on its last legs. Given the trade deadline is looming, the PVL will be offering a fire sale of all its players, coaches, staff and memorabilia. Pedro's Midge's ashes are not for sale; however, Susan Lucci's wormhole is up for the taking. Let me know if anyone wants to stack their team for a playoff run.
November 22
: Thanksgiving Footy - Throwbacks Week in the NFL is also being honoured in the FFL. So if you're not diggin' it, I don't really care. But if you are, then you might want to revisit a little old school nectar! And I'll also remind you all that players in the Thursday games have to be submitted by 9:00 tonight.
November 21
: Here's The Rub - For clarification purposes, the rub is to be of the variety given at the local Thai rub and tug for a trustee fiver. Not the 10 hour extravaganza but enough to warrant the acquisition of coolyan pleasure and perhaps to the point of wood.
: What Kind Of Rub? - I am considering a vote for option number 1. I would just like clarification on exactly what kind of 'rub' we are talking about. Is it a rub like rubbing the Budda's belly, or is it a Survivor futile fire starters rub -- you know where some guys rub like madmen for 10 hours and everyone ends up sore and pissed off?
November 20
: Guilty As Charged - Now I'm not one for the fancy law talkin', but I will act as my own council. And in my defense, the best defense is a good offense, so I went on the offensive with my offensive action against Ian's weak defensive position (on the couch, that is).
The shot to the berries was nari an accidental toss, nor an affront to your cherries. With the way my year has gone I deserve two number ones, and all your cryin' won't soothe your plums. That didn't rhyme, but I'm not the Cat in the Hat, just a fat cat wearing a Michigan hat. I'll admit that the alleged shot to the jewels wasn't cool, but desperate times call for desperate measures, hence the blow to the treasures. I'm embarassed by my actions, a pitiful recourse; it's just my first offense now I'm at the mercy of the courts.
If you're lying about the damage, you can go to hell; the clicker just grazed your unit as far as I could tell. However, you do live with a doctor, so tell her if they swell. Truth be told, no remorse as my team's in 3-win hell. We lose one more game and the next one's a Flozell!
And, uh, I also cast my vote for the first option.
: Official League Protest - The PVL Organization has decided to officially protest the blatant Nut Shot undertaken by the Rose Cougs GM as it was clearly an attempt to derail the season of the Luccis so that they miss the playoff and end up with one of the top two picks in the draft. As the Cougs have the Lucci 1st rounder, it is clearly in their best interest to aim for the nuts. GM Ian Smith sought a "good rubbin of his coolyans" upon getting home last night but was promptly denied and told to rub his own berries. As such, the PVL organization demands one of two things: (1) Kyle rubs my cools as a gesture of good faith, or (2) Kyle is punished by losing his 1st rounder to me. A league vote is necessary. I will cast my official vote for the first option.
November 18
: Hot 100 - In a year where I am getting pounded in every category, at least I was able to give the Vikings their 100th loss. First team to the C note. Now I expect he will kick my ass this week, and take me out in the first round of the playoffs in 3 weeks. Cheers.
November 3
: For PVL: Ain't Tradin', Ain't Tryin' - Trade King has struck again. Struck another deal, that is. The Luccis traded Ben Roethlisberger to the Fighting Irish for Roy Williams.
November 3
: Trade King Deals Again - Olindo Mare, the league whore, has been shipped to the Hawkeyes for Adam Archuleta.
October 31
: PVL Goes Trick-Or-Treating At Brennan's - After a hard day of negotiations with the Raiders for the acquisition of an additional QB, being just a CH away from finalizing a deal, the Vikings swooped in and accepted an offer for J.P. Losman. The PVL ship the 5th Rounders of the Irish and the Rose Cougers for journeyman Losman. Losman is expected to start this week for PVL.
October 23
: Tragedy In Pine Valley - Just over a month after assuming the head coaching position for the Pine Valley Luccis, Pedro's Midge has passed away. Nelson de la Rosa died at the age of 38. Who says fantasy football isn't stressful.
October 21
: Trade Winds Blow In Another Big Deal - The Luccis continue to reshape their roster, sending Jason Taylor and their 1st round pick to the Rose Cougars for Jamal Lewis and the Cougs' 5th rounder.
October 14
: New Back For The Pack - The Packers traded Javon Walker and their 3rd round pick to the Irish for Michael Turner.
October 13
: Double Dipped - Well the rest of the league might not do trades, but the same can't be said for Ian. The Luccis completed a second deal, sending Mike Williams to the Irish for their 5th round pick.
: Mare On The Move ... Again - In a league that no longer deals, Olindo Mare sure gets around. The kicker was traded for the second time this year as the Luccis acquired him from the Cougs, sending them Marcus Trufant.
October 10
: No Longer Worst; Smith Siting? - The PV Luccis officially passed Team Copernicus in the all time rankings at QB. It is official, PVL no longer has the worst QB's of all time. In other PVL news, WR Rod Smith is fuming that he can not get on the field to crack the 1000 point barrier as his time in the FFL is coming to a close. Perhaps with Marvin Harrison having a bye week, this might be the week that Rod Smith sees the field.(Editor's Note: Smith might have to play a little longer, seeing as Randy is enjoying his active retirement. First Brooks, now Moss; maybe they should be the Del Boca Vista Raiders)
: Quarterback Swap - The Brown Wave acquired Chad Pennington from the Vikings, sending them their 9th round pick this week and J.P. Losman next week.
September 28
 : Guaranteed Win Week
September 22
: Stubb's Sandwich - From John Madden’s Ultimate Tailgating (1998)
Ingredients
1 6-ounce breakfast sausage patty
3 slices hickory-smoked bacon
2 eggs, scrambled
1 slice American cheese, shredded
1 slice American cheese, whole
2 slices Texas toast (white bread sliced twice as thick as normal)
Directions
1. On a hot grill, cook sausage and bacon.
2. Scramble eggs, mix in shredded cheese. Cook on grill.
3. Fill sandwich (in order) with bacon, sausage, cheese slice, eggs.
Yield: 1 serving
September 17
: Unprecedented Mid-Game Trade - On Sunday, the Irish and Rose Cougars completed a swap of players while all games were still in progress. Each receiver scored a TD post-trade. The Irish sent Chris Chambers and Olindo Mare to the Cougs for Antonio Bryant and Joe Nedney.
September 13
: All-Time Worst Trades - This was a top 10, but Craig pointed out an obvious oversight, so I just made it 11. These are just my calls based off of what has transpired and what may still be coming down the road. I also didn't have the transactions for a couple of years, so some shitty trades haven't been called out. Anyhow, here are the complete trades and useless evaluation.
11) (2004) The Stamps traded Jake Delhomme to the Packers for Gerrard Warren. Warren started 5 games for 21 points. He didn't make it back into the league. Jake Delhomme took his team to the Super Bowl and should be a top QB for the rest of the decade.
10) (2004) The Stamps traded Larry Johnson, Chad Johnson, Terrell Suggs, Jamie Sharper, Jason Witten and a 7th round pick to the Jaguars for Clinton Portis, David Carr, Andre Johnson, Takeo Spikes, Freddie Jones and a 6th round pick. There is no explanation needed really. The Jags spanked this one. The only reason this isn't in the top 3 is because there is a lot of football left to resolve it -- only Freddie Jones and Jamie Sharper are out of the league.
9) The Tiki Barber Mistake and Recovery. Part 1: (1998) The Lions traded Tiki Barber and their 6th round pick to the Panthers for Karim Abdul-Jabbar and an 8th round pick. Tikes just scored his 1000th point and Karim has been out of the league since '99 (315 pts). And it was the DJ that paid the vig.
But Pat makes an all-time recovery. Part 2: (2005) The Jaguars traded Barber, Jason Witten, their 1st and 5th rounders for Derrick Mason and 1st, 4th and 6th round picks. There's still a lot of ball to be played, but Pat stayed in the first round, making Tiki the trade-up cost to draft J.J. Arrington.
8) (1997) The 49ers traded Marshall Faulk, Irving Fryar and Reinard Wilson to the Raiders for Garrison Hearst, Greg Hill and future considerations. Every player is out of the league and only Marshall Faulk left his mark -- arguably the greatest player in FFL history. Not only is he the best RB of all time, he is the best postseason player in history -- most points and has played in 6 title games.
7) (1997) The Panthers sent William Fuller, Leeland McElroy, their 10th (#77), 11th (#86), 12th (#93), and 14th (#110) round picks in the 1997 FFL Draft to the 49ers for Ray Lewis, the Packers 3rd (#20) round pick acquired in a previous deal, their 9th (#71), 11th (#82), 12th (#95), and 14th (#106) round selections. Basically swapping two piles of trash ... but for one diamond: the best LB in history. And this is a trade that gets brought up at least 5-10 times a year.
6) (2004) The Jaguars traded Warren Sapp, Lamont Jordan, 1st(5) and 4th round picks to the Raiders for their 1st(4) round pick. Now time will tell on this one, but two starting backs (Jordan and Julius Jones) for Taco Bell seems a bit much. If Taco is the better Bell, this isn't nearly as bad as some previously listed trades.
5) (1998) The Raiders traded Marvin Harrison to the Redskins for QB Erik Kramer. 1998 was Kramer's first and last year in the FFL. He was a passable player giving 9 starts for 123 points. On the other hand, Harrison is the best WR in history -- 106 games for 1312 points -- and is the only player to be 7-time all-FFL. Saving Craig is the fact that I didn't know what I had either.
4) (2000) The Vikings traded Brian Urlacher, Keith Brooking and Adam Vinatieri for Rich Owens and Dwayne Rudd. Some trades involve big names and are appropriately called 'Blockbusters'. Sometimes trades are just player swaps like 95% of all trades done in our league over the last 3 years -- Kicker-swapping, or DB-swapping. And then there is a trade that is a teeter-totter. I'm not talking your standard playground teeter-totter, where equal-sized kids go back and forth until one kid jumps off in an attempt to slam his buddy's ass into the ground. I'm talking Jaret riding the teeter-totter ... with Josh. Owens and Rudd: 57 games for 347.5 points. Urlacher, Brooking & Vinatieri: 209 games for 1679 points. Owens was out of the league in '01 and Rudd in '02; the 3 players the Raiders acquired are still working toward the Hall. LOPSIDED like nothing else since Distortoplex!
3) (2003) The Redskins traded Steve Smith to the Raiders for a 15th round pick? I can't remember what pick I got in return for Smith, but does it really matter. If we weren't family, rape charges might have been placed.
2) (1998) The 49ers traded Simeon Rice to the Packers for Gabe Wilkins. Career numbers: Simeon Rice - 113 games for 1401 points, 3-time all-FFL, 2-time Def. Lineman of the Year, 2nd best DL in history; Gabe Wilkins - 3 games for 15 points, 146th best DL in history. I'm glad there was a trade worse than the Steve Smith disaster, but it's kinda like comparing Exxon Valdez to the Titanic.
1) (2001) Nobody Wants LaDainian. It took 3 teams to really brutalize this one. The fact that no one wanted the best back in the NFL (and some day FFL) makes this the all-time worst. Here are the 3 trades that got Jaret Reggie Bush, err, Tomlinson for virtually nothing. Trade #1: The Lions traded their first round pick to the Panthers for Jake Plummer and Derrick Alexander. Trade #2: The Jags traded Joe Johnson, Anthony McFarland and their second round pick (ended up going to Jaret: K.Barlow) to the Panthers for the first overall pick and their second round selection (D.Jackson). Trade #3: The 49ers sent Charlie Garner and Donnie Edwards to the Jags for the number one overall pick. I mean, HOLY FUCK! Did you read those trades. You couldn't take less to get off of the first overall pick. What? Did Tomlinson play his college ball in a Leprecy Camp? The fact that it was 3 trades in the making makes this an all timer that will never be topped.
September 9
: Bounty Placed - If any player in the FFL injures Brad Johnson for the year (placed on IR), then the owner of that player will receive a Ron's super sized value meal or similar lunch. Seeing as I am unable to upgrade my QB position via trade, I am now simply hoping that bribery works. So tell your players to twist a knee, body slam, or kick him in the nuts -- what ever it takes!!
September 8
: Lucci's Backlash for Porter's Performance - In an unprecedented move, the Luccis have fired all the tards on their staff after they allowed Porter to destroy their chances at a Week One victory within minutes of the season opener. Pedro's Midge has been promoted to Head Coach while Susan Lucci has been hired, not only for the hotness factor, but also to cover all other coaching positions and to be the team bicycle.
September 6
: Base Roster Issue - I'm sure this won't be the last issue, but we have a flaw in the base roster system: base roster players playing on Thursday or Saturday, ahead of the regular submission of Sat. @ 9:00. Because I can't assume anyone's roster, and because I can't award retroactive points, I think base roster players playing before Sunday must be formally submitted -- not just started via the base roster. So if your base roster has Hines Ward, you would still have to submit the start Wednesday by 9:00, or he would be ineligible for the week.
Also, I have obviously smoked a little too much because my memory fails me. What was our submission time for Thursday games last year? I have said 9:00 Wednesday, but if I'm wrong someone please clue me in.
September 3
: Week 1 Rosters - Somehow a painfully long NFL off-season has already ended. We have the same roster rules as in the past, except for a bumped up deadline (9:00 'Toon Time). How you submit your roster is up to you. You can use the submission page again (send a few), or you can email/give me your roster, or you can just send me the changes you wish to make to your base roster. If you want to play your base 25, you don't have to send in a roster.
As far as submitting your base roster, it essentially works like a weekly submission. Jaret sent me his through the submission page with a note in an amendment line simply stating base roster. Again, you can just email/give it to me if you wish. If you don't send in a specific base roster I will simply use your week 1 submission. You can change your base anytime you wish and technically never have to use it. Once 9:00 pm Saturday hits, if I haven't received your roster, you get your base players (changes after 9:00 = Goose Pot).
Double J sent me 4 copies of his base and I received them all. I'm still not confident in the success rate, so I would recommend the Back/Re-Submit technique -- Craig recommends the Viper technique; Jaret likes the Ski Pole technique. I have added the base rosters to the Stats & Submissions section. Please let me know if I F'd anything up on your roster/submission/etc.
Good luck to everyone, except Brennan, we play this week. So Brennan, good luck to you for the rest of the year.
August 24
: Gauntlet Thrown Down - Craig is officially challenging the DJ to a double bet on the Lions/Raiders game tomorrow. He said that if Pat has a set of plums, he'll put a double on his team. Challenge!
August 23
: New Fantasy League Invitation - Mike Witherspoon is in a football draft on Yahoo and the league is looking for some more teams. Jaret and I have decided to join and if anyone would like to as well just email Mike at mspoon@telusplanet.net . The draft is live online Sunday at 9:00pm.
: Lucci Response to Draft Dominator - Clearly, this computer does not take into account the "Puss Factor" of the GM. Clearly, this will weigh heavily on the players as they are bound to be a bunch of candy ass punks just like their GM. When considering the Puss Factor, the Luccis clearly dominate this league as their GM is the least puss of all.
August 22
: And The Winner Is... - The Brown Wave. I decided to waste a 1/2 hr and put our new rosters in the Draft Dominator. It is a program that forecasts outcomes based on schedule strengths, player projections and league scoring systems. Anyhow, with the new rosters and our scoring system, Jimmy blew us all away. Jaret came in a somewhat distant second. Somehow Craig was hurt by his QBs. Go figure. It did predict Jaret to actually top his DB record and for the Jags to surpass the record for kickers. So Jimmy might have hated his draft but he obviously found a few diamonds.
August 17
 : Pick Is In? - Looks like there won't be a last minute deal for the first pick; Reggie is a Golden Domer. After a summer of rejecting ridiculously good trade offers, Jaret will be stickin' and pickin'. The card might not be in, but nothing is more official than the jersey purchase -- which Double J made the other day. Jersey Purchase = Brennan On The Clock.
August 15
: Jimmy Unveils The New Team; New(est) Mock:
1. Leprecauns....they love Bush...the obsession is well worth it until his
wee frame crumbles under a pile later this season. Sucka!!
2. Vikes....Addai...wish I had another chance to pick second overall....i
would've taken Mike Bell and fucked it up....again.
3. Packers....Maroney...Kinzel strengthens the crew and gets much needed
big play threat. Envious.....Travis Prentice!!! Kinzel!!!!
4. PVL...Lendale...Wants him to round out his Titans(new Gizza)
backfield...the Panthers Gizza officially ends.
5. Brown Wave....Williams...Sweet, I'll take what I can get.
6. Roser's....Norwood...the running back run may last the entire round,
everyone rolls the dice.
7. Hawks....Mike Bell...Craig turns another shite stormer into a star and
fucks Jimmies Broncos backfield....Jimmy goes postal and unloads whole crew
in fire sale.
8. Irish....Vernon Davis...takes him here because it will be last chance to
get a decent 49er in the draft.
: The Deuce - The Irish completed a second trade on protection day, shipping Cornelius Griffin and Julian Peterson to the Rose Cougars for LaVar Arrington.
: New(er) Mock - I think Ian's mock is a bit crap, this one is more nectar:
1. Irish -- RB Reggie Bush -- 200+ point superstar, Jaret must be massaging Ian's grapes for the next 5 years for that gift.
2. Vikings -- RB Joseph Addai -- Tough call with Maroney, but Addai will be full time this year not next.
3. Packers -- RB Laurence Maroney -- Easy pick with Addai off the board, looks to trade this pick to Craig on draft day!
4. Lucci -- RB DeAngelo Williams -- Future Panther starter with big play ability, getting Williams gives Ian a 'Sexy Time Explosion'.
5. Jags -- RB Lendale White -- Jim doesn't bite on the B.S. Denver smoke screen designed to motivate Taco Bell, why take another Arrington instead of this years Ronnie Brown?
6. Cougs -- DE Super Mario -- Best DE prospect ever. Better than Peppers, Strahan or Freeney. 12+ sacks and 60+ tackles as a rook. Defensive ROY and may outscore Bush this year.
7. Hawkeyes -- TE Vernon Davis -- Best TE prospect ever. I target Vernon as the piece to acquire Fitz. I may trade this pick though.
8. Irish -- RB Adrian Peterson (Oklahoma Sooners) -- Jaret explains that he will rape who ever has the top pick anyway, so the league allows him to cut through the horse shit and take Peterson now.
Respek.
: New Mock - Draft Season is upon us, so I will be the first to put forth a nectar mock:
1. Irish - Bush (Bust)
2. Vikings - Addai (No brainer)
3. Packers - Williams (Goes for spite to try to trade with me at 4 for a shitload)
4. Lucci - Moroney (Not sold on Kinzel's plan)
5. Jags - Mike Bell (Denver Back shored up)
6. Cougs - Lendale (powerhouse backfield grows larger)
7. Raiders - Mario Williams (all tier 1 RBs gone, takes Peppers wannabe - Bust)
8. Irish - V. Davis (Had to move ahead of me bc I showed my cards to early)
: Cap Day Trade - The Irish added a second pick in the first round, sending Plaxico Burress, Michael Pittman and Kris Brown to Team Copernicus for the 8th overall selection in the 2006 FFL Entry Draft.
August 14
: Protection Rosters; Trade - Protection rosters are due tomorrow. With the submission date on the horizon, the Hawkeyes and Cougars completed a trade. The Hawks acquired the Cougars' 10th round pick for Ken Lucas.
August 3
: Football's Back -- Time For A Trade - The first pre-protection roster trade was completed with the Vikings trading Santana Moss and their 2nd round pick to the Rose Cougars for Chester Taylor.
May 30
: Card Collection - I don't know what Jimmy is feeding his Jags, but there are a lot of red feathers collecting around his roster. The Jaguars completed a trade with the Fighting Irish, acquiring Adrian Wilson and John Henderson for Marcus Stroud, Ashley Lelie and a 7th round pick.
May 16
: Double Bets - For years we have discussed keeping track of all of the bets made for double gulps, now we will. I have added a link (top left) to all of the double bets. Craig and Jaret have made the inaugural.
As a sidenote, I am pissed that nobody else posted a mock. Totally fucking weak. Bunch of pussies! Naming names is always nectar.
April 29
: BLOCKBUSTER - The Fighting Irish and the Pine Valley Luccis completed one of the biggest blockbuster trades in FFL history. The Irish sent Donovan McNabb (protecting his salary), the good Dr. Julius Peppers and their 1st and 2nd round picks to PVL for the 1st pick in the draft and the Luccis' 3rd rounder.
The Irish have stated that anything short of amputation, paralysis or death and the pick is in: Bush will be a Golden Domer.
: First Draft-Day Trade - The Hawkeyes sent Keith Brooking and their 7th round pick to PVL for their 6th rounder and the first of their 8th rounders.
: Divisions Drawn and Renamed - Because several A-hole gms have changed their team names, we didn't think that East and West were appropriate divisions. We decided to go soccer style and have a Premier division. To emphasize the status of the Premier, we named the other the Third Division, 4 notches lower than Premier (we think this is the lowest level). Furthermore, the most successful team in the 3rd will automatically ascend to the Premier division and the worst team of Premier will be banished to the 3rd -- divisions will then be drawn as per usual.
Premier: Team Copernicus, the Fighting Irish, the Luccis and the Packers.
Third: the Hawkeyes, the Jaguars, the Rose Cougars and the Vikings.
April 26
: That Time Of Year - Well, I just can't help myself. With marginal success as the Stamps, Cripps and 'Skins, I needed something new. My annual franchise move has gone down. I have yanked the organization out of Cowtown and moved it, Baltimore Colts-style, to Rose country. Like your momma always told ya: steer clear of Rose Cougars.
April 21
: Draft Package - I have added a link to an FFL spreadsheet. Included are rosters (and a roster with pending position changes), salaries, an NFL/FFL depth chart, the draft order and modified printable versions of the latter two. I will update the link sporadically over the off-season. If you want to download it, just right mouse click and Save Target As...
Contribution note: I don't care what goes in, so feel free to put in whatever you like: open trade offers, general chats, page suggestions, slanderous comments -- e-mail me .
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