Hyperbole comes easily to fans of Australian football.

Unlike the fans of Canadian football (who are rumoured to exist), the die-hard fans of American NFL and college football, and the worldwide fanatics of what North Americans call "soccer", the Australians are remarkable subdued about their game. No violence in the streets or killings in the stands. No skinheads with a team's logo tattooed into their skulls.

No... Australian football is a rather "provincial" affair, kept behind the walls of this downunder locale... as much a secret from most of the world as "roo burgers" and "vegemite sandwiches".

And watching them play on a rare occasion makes me wonder if perhaps it's not best to keep it that way. Because if there's anything Australian football is not, it's sane. These guys are mad-mad-mad. Madder than mad cows. Madder than a Mad Hatter at a tea party gone horribly wrong.

I'm sure it's not the case, but it genuinely appears there are no rules, no holds barred, no restraints against insanity whatsoever in this gladiators' sport. Even boxing in the era of ear-biting doesn't come close.

Australians do seem to do things with a smidgeon more enthusiasm than the rest of the planet. We're probably rather fortunate to have them landlocked away in that southern hemisphere ocean playground, else their maddening sport might just catch on in the colder climes of North America and Europe.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I dislike Australians in any way, because nothing could be farther from the truth. It's just that, watching them embroil themselves in this agonizing sport, I start to feel something I recognize as genuine fear! This is no mere fright movie! This is real life! And even police and parents are cheering them on!

(But seriously, folks, don't you wish the American networks played a little more of this hypersport on TV?)