Aggie Jokes
Some Of My Favorite Aggie Jokes
The parents of a cadet in the A&M marching band came to watch their son during a halftime of a football game, and when their son missed a step, the mother proclaimed, "Oh, look they're all out of step except our son."
How Many Aggies does it takes to milk a cow?
Five, one to hold a teat and four to shake the cow.
An Aggie wasn't feeling well so he went to the doctor, who was a fellow Aggie, for a checkup. The Aggie doctor spent a lot of time examinting the patient but was unable to make an exact diagnosis. Finally he confronted the patient and told him he had good news and bad news.
"Let me have the bad news first," said the Aggie patient.
"Well," said the Aggie doc, "after all the tests I still don't know exactly what ails you."
"And the good news?" asked the Aggie.
"I'll know a lot more," replied the doc, "after the autopsy."
That poor ol' Aggie was naturscared so he went to another doctor for a second opinion and was told that, incredibly, he had just hours to live. Since there wasn't time to do anything worthwhile with what remained of his life, the Aggie decided to spend his last few hours where he was most happy - in bed with his wife. He hurried home, told his wife the sad news, and invited her to go to bed. She agreed but told him not to get any ideas about having sex.
"Why not," cried the Aggie, "I have only hours to live."
"Exactly," said Mrs. Aggie, "and I need my rest because I have a funeral to attend tomorrow."
Well sure enough, that poor ol' Aggie did die as expected. His well-rested wife went to order the headstone but was perplexed as to what to have written on it. "Well," said the monument maker, "Rest in Peace is our most popular phrase." Mrs. Aggie agreed and was told it would be ready in about a week.
The lady buried her husband and then, a couple of days later, attended the reading of the will. She was shocked to learn that her supposed faithful husband had left half of everything to his mistress-secretary and the other half to his alma mater, Texas A&M.
Infuriated, Mrs. Aggie went immediately to the gravestone maker to have some changes made. She was too late; the stone was finished.
"Can't you make any changes?" she asked.
"No ma'am, it's carved in stone."
"Well, can you add a line?" she asked.
"Yes, one line, that's all," the man said.
Mrs. Aggie thought for a moment . "Very well," she said, "below 'rest in peace,' I'd like you to carve 'till I get there.'"
While the wife was busy planning her revenge, the Aggie winged his way to heaven. When he arrived, Saint Peter felt sorry for him because of the way his wife had treated him on his last day and offered to have him reincarnated immediately as anything he wanted. The Aggie thought for a moment and decided. "I want to be a stud in Dallas," he said. In the next instant he was transformed into a 2 x 4.
What do you call a smart person on the A&M campus?
A visitor.
The Aggie and his wife became the parents of a ne baby boy and a few tays later took the little future Aggie home. After three days, however, the parents noticed a strange odor and quickly took the baby back to the doctor. After examining the little Aggie, the doctor asked, "Have you been changing the diapers on this baby?"
"Not yet," replied the Aggie. "I read the instructions on the box and they said the diapers were good to forty pounds."
How do you tell when an Aggie has been working on a computer?
By all the white-out on the screen
At a recent Longhorn versus Aggie football game, someone fired a gun in the stands. The Longhorns, thinking time had expired, left the field but the Aggies continued to play on. After running only seven more plays they finally scored.
Surely you've heard about the Texas A&M student who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states.
How do you drive an Aggie crazy?
Put him in a round room and ask them to stand in the corner.
For another answer follow this link.
An Aggie who wanted to learn more about being close to women went to the library and spent the day reading How to Hug. He didn't learn much, however, since it was the seventh volume in a set of encyclopedias.
An Aggie stranded on a desert found a magic lamp. As he cleaned it off a genie appeared in a cloud of smoke and granted him three wishes. "For my first wish," he said to the genie, "I want to be the richest man in the world." In the next instant, the Aggie found himself sitting on a mountain of money.
"For my second wish, I want to be the most handsome man in the world." The genie smiled, blew some smoke, and instantly - incredibly - the Aggie was the most handsome man in the world.
"Finally," the Aggie said holding his crotch, "I want to be built like my horse back in Texas." The genie smiled and disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind the richest, most handsome, well-endowed Aggie in the world, still stranded all alone on a desert island.
The Aggie scientist set out to run an experiment. He placed a frog on a table and yelled "jump" real loud. Sure enough, the frog jumped.
Next the Aggie cut off one of the frog's legs and again yelled "jump." The frog again jumped, though not as far. The Aggie proceeded to cut off the second and third leg and yell for it to jump. Each time the little frog did his best. Finally, the Aggie lobbed off the last of the frog's legs and yelled "jump" as loud as he could but the frog didn't move. Satisfied, the aggie turned in his report on the experiment in which he conluded:
If you cut off a frog's legs, he goes deaf.
Bolstered by his succes, that Aggie scientist embarked on another experiment. Although it cost a small fortune, that Aggie has finally proven that the last thing to go through a fly's mind when he hits a car's windshield is his butt.
When students apply for admission to Texas A&M, they are required to complete a questionnaire. The following are answers supplied by one prospective Aggie:
Age: - Atomic
Place of birth: - Hospital
Sex: F M - My radio only gets AM
Church preference: - Red Brick
Nationality: - Democrat
Have you ever been convicted of a felony: - No, I only date girls
S.A.T. Score: - I've never even been to San Antonio, Texas, much less scored there
Have you ever received any financial aids: - No, I wore condoms
Have you applied for a Schollarship: - No, I get seasick.
Will you be living off campus: - No, I live off my parents
Marital status: - elegible
Course of study: - S.I.*
Preferred degree: - 75
*When asked to explain this entry, the prospective Aggie replied Civil Engineering.
An Aggie got on a plane and sat down next to a lady nursing a baby. "That sure looks like a healthy baby," the Aggie said.
"He should be," the lady replied, "I only feed him milk and orange juice."
"Oh really," said the Aggie, "which one is orange juice?"
Two Aggies were holding up a flag pole and doing their best to measure it without much success. A stranger happened along and suggested that if they laid the pole down on the ground it would be easier to measure. "That won't work," said one of the Aggies. "We want to know how tall it is, not how long."
Two Aggies decided to try ice fishing. They gathered up their gear and marched off onto the ice. Just as they started chopping a hole, they heard a voice proclaim, "There's no fish there."
The Aggies shrugged, moved a few feet, and started chopping again. They stopped when the voice repeated, "There's no fish there."
Puzzled, the Aggies called out, "Who's that talking?"
The voice replied, "This is the manager of the Galeria."